So I got on the train to go home, after eating like, 10 Double Downs? And there was this total Chunk o Hunk on the train, right? Well, you know my luck, I got sterling junk in my trunk and my lovely lady humps bring all the boys to the lawnnnn. Annyway, so I totally figure I sit next to this guy and give him a few subtle messages right, and his libeeedo will do the rest! I mean, who can resist eight hundred pounds of luscious lovely Helvarga? I mean, my curves are MAGIC! I can roll up parts of my self and create all kinds of new-- well whatever, you get the point. So I sit down next to him, and do my thing, right? He was sooooo bite sized yummy. And yes, I kinda smelled from being at the club, but when you have this much love to go around you have to dance it off harder, you know? Aaannyway, this Chunkolicious guy seems shy at first. Kinda scared, but that's to be EXPECTED when Momma Large boards the bus-train. I get on the cell and dial up Trigga, making my presence known rather loudly. Poor trigga thougt i though she was deaf, I was almost yellin!
It's like dude, get the hint, and chat me up already? He was a total loser though, cause short of going down on him nothing I would have done could have got his attention. I'm pretty sure he was a gay, anyway. So by the time my stop comes I see his face and I throw some attitude in it. I told him what he was missin, and also that he was a perv for copping a feel without askin! Clever right?
So yeah, that's when I got off and walked face first into a pole. Broke my phone, too. FML Helvarga goes home Alone Again.