The Random Crap Thread 2: It Hits the Fan.
- Thread starter North_Ranger
- Start date
Today I'm editing the translations of some marketing texts produced by what appears to be a very ambitious company.
"We aim to be the undisputed global leader in this sector within three years." Guys, you're a small startup based in a suburb of Taipei. If you do get big, you're going to be competing against Fortune 500 companies, but we're not even close to that point yet. Right now your competition is closer to the mom-and-pop store down the street.
Still, on some level I do sort of admire their pluck.
"We aim to be the undisputed global leader in this sector within three years." Guys, you're a small startup based in a suburb of Taipei. If you do get big, you're going to be competing against Fortune 500 companies, but we're not even close to that point yet. Right now your competition is closer to the mom-and-pop store down the street.
Still, on some level I do sort of admire their pluck.
Take your pick:
The amount of wild animal sightings near cities around here, spectacularly. Apparently we do still have quite a lot of wild boar around!
The profit margins of coffin builders
the tip of the iceberg that's slowly going to F you up the ass
My heart rate, cholesterol and anxiety levels
The amount of lurkers and long-time absentees coming back since they have nothing better to do
They're still selling eggnog?
Me to my wife: I know we're fine right now, but with all the talk of a pending recession/depression, I feel like we should watch our spending.
Facebook ad: Hey, would you be interested in a scented candle that evokes a haunted mansion.
Me: Well yes, obviously, and I would pay almost $30 to have one shipped to me, because apparently I'm an idiot.
Facebook ad: Hey, would you be interested in a scented candle that evokes a haunted mansion.
Me: Well yes, obviously, and I would pay almost $30 to have one shipped to me, because apparently I'm an idiot.
I had to go to the pharmacy to pick up some pain meds for my Mom. Before the pharmacist would give me her good drugs she asked me her birth date. Since I am terrible with dates I stumbled a bit, and gave her just the month and day. She asked "What year?"
Uh, every year?
Uh, every year?
NEVER-put a flower bed with-in root distance of a Swamp maple. They're roots get in EVERYTHING man.
Update: The IT guy is setting up my hot female coworker's new computer as we speak.
Man, I gotta try this next time.
....being an IT guy?
Hardly. My IT knowledge is limited to "have you turned it off and on again" and "did you see that ludicrous display last night?"
Congratulations, you said "off and on" instead of "on and off". That means you're almost ready for IT support level 2. Next thing to memorize is "have you tried that in another browser"?
(follow-up: "Do you use the internet with Google or not?" to know if they're using Chrome or IE)
I'm tempted to make this dirty, but I don't want to encourage you
As if I needed encouragement!
It was a dude though. I don't have hot female subordinates any more. For some unknown reason.
Well, was the dude hot then?As if I needed encouragement!
It was a dude though. I don't have hot female subordinates any more. For some unknown reason.
Pretty easy on the eyes, yes.
Do not bring your evil here.
Dave
Staff member
When I say it's never too soon I mean it's never too soon.
Back to work today for the first time in a week. In my morning meeting my boss showed a graph with a really flat trend line, but the data points were scattered high & low. One of my coworkers commented that the graph looked like a heart monitor. I replied, "Yeah. The trend line is my mom."
Stunned silence followed by incredulous laughter. They have forgotten my sense of humor already.
Back to work today for the first time in a week. In my morning meeting my boss showed a graph with a really flat trend line, but the data points were scattered high & low. One of my coworkers commented that the graph looked like a heart monitor. I replied, "Yeah. The trend line is my mom."
Stunned silence followed by incredulous laughter. They have forgotten my sense of humor already.
GasBandit
Staff member
Ain't competition grand?
I dread the day I start baby talking to Pud in the middle of a call. He’s all over me during them and i have apparently ruined him with the way I speak to him.
I still think you mean Hobo.