fade
Staff member
Adlib 4 Eva.
The Random Crap Thread 2: It Hits the Fan.
- Thread starter North_Ranger
- Start date
That would make an awkward first date.
Dr. Rape table for two... Dr. Rape table for two...
Ok....so...I was sitting in the living room when I heard a luod crash this morning. Jet and I were watching Sesame Street and petting the cat. All of us jumped up, startled. Went to the kitchen...and found that a few of my plates had some how fallen out of the cup board and two had broken.
So weird. I can`t figure out how it happened! I`m guessing that Blue never put them in right...but they some how managed to clear the counter top and get a few feet before breaking.
I still don`t believe in ghosts...but this it getting weird.
So weird. I can`t figure out how it happened! I`m guessing that Blue never put them in right...but they some how managed to clear the counter top and get a few feet before breaking.
I still don`t believe in ghosts...but this it getting weird.
GasBandit
Staff member
And here, my first thought was edgy supervillain, if his current career doesn't pan out.
North_Ranger
Staff member
According to Finnish folklore, ghosts are powerless against people who show no fear. So next time you witness a haunting, just speak sternly and fearlessly, telling the ghost "to stop that racket" or some other such thing. The important point is not to show fear; the ghost will likely respond well to an order from you, considering you're the lady of the house.
Some people even suggest grabbing a ghost by its ear or temple and giving it a reasonable ultimatum. You can't compel the ghost to leave, but you can tell it to stop disturbing things and think for a day and a night what it really wants and you'll do the same; after that day and night, you parley and come to an understanding.
Or you can just throw hot coffee at it.
Of course, these are things that apply to Finnish ghosts. I don't think how a Canadian ghost would react. Perhaps you need to offer it some maple syrup or put its favourite hockey matches on TiVo or something...
Some people even suggest grabbing a ghost by its ear or temple and giving it a reasonable ultimatum. You can't compel the ghost to leave, but you can tell it to stop disturbing things and think for a day and a night what it really wants and you'll do the same; after that day and night, you parley and come to an understanding.
Or you can just throw hot coffee at it.
Of course, these are things that apply to Finnish ghosts. I don't think how a Canadian ghost would react. Perhaps you need to offer it some maple syrup or put its favourite hockey matches on TiVo or something...
GasBandit
Staff member
I believe it was Ray Stevens who said, "The dead cain't hurtcha cause they already left, but what they left can sho' make ya hurt yo'self."
GB
(and I ain't sittin' up with the dead no more, since the dead started sittin' up too.)
Sorry, did I scare ya, eh?
I just told my grandmother about my weird things and she soffed at the suggestion of ghosts.
"Lordy Blessed by jingles! Ghosts prefer to watch and give chills and warnings so don't you worry yer head about that! Most liekly you've gotten on the bad side of some wandering fairy folk. I knew you lived to close to the forests and bogs! You put out some tangled yarn and they'll leave right quick!"
Thanks Nan.
"Lordy Blessed by jingles! Ghosts prefer to watch and give chills and warnings so don't you worry yer head about that! Most liekly you've gotten on the bad side of some wandering fairy folk. I knew you lived to close to the forests and bogs! You put out some tangled yarn and they'll leave right quick!"
Thanks Nan.
GasBandit
Staff member
I used to work with a girl, back when I was in college, who told me, dead serious, that putting a snakeskin on a barbed wire fence was 100% guaranteed to make it rain. (She also was of the firm opinion that a male doctor was completely incapable of any medical knowledge of the female body because "they don't have one.") I wish I was still in contact with that stupid bimbo, if only for the reason to have called her up during the drought this past summer and asked her "WHY HAVEN'T YOU PUT THE SNAKESKIN ON THE FENCE YET?! YOU BITCH! DO YOU LIKE SUFFERING AND FIRE??!"
LS, start calling them "The Fair Folk" all the time. That will pacify them because you're saying nice things about them.
And start coating Jet in salt. That'll discourage them from abducting him and leaving a fetch in his place. You won't really be able to tell the difference between Jet and the fetch though >.>
Added at: 17:11
Oh, have iron on hand. I recommend a cast iron frying pan. Iron is guaranteed to hurt them.
And start coating Jet in salt. That'll discourage them from abducting him and leaving a fetch in his place. You won't really be able to tell the difference between Jet and the fetch though >.>
Added at: 17:11
Oh, have iron on hand. I recommend a cast iron frying pan. Iron is guaranteed to hurt them.
Oh shit. Jet does remind me of the babe.
...I should go do my hair and make sure I'm wearing clean under wear.On the other hand, it could be goblins and
Will be by to pick up Jet very soon.
Added at: 01:18
What babe?
The babe with the mutant power.
That doesn't fit the meter!
Wasn't Cheesy the one who cocked it up before with "Who do?" "The babe do!"
I wanted to fit in.
B
Biannoshufu
I'm offended that little sin thought shego would make a better villain tutor than me. I guess I'm going to have to start killing more of you in public.
Also, you own a cat? They can set up some amazing delayed physics action that should be impossible but is routine for them. Ghosts do tickle that sweet spot for explaining the unknown, but it's almost always : your brain reacting to unknown, but firmly terrestrial causes. The other times it's a serial killer biding her time.
Also, you own a cat? They can set up some amazing delayed physics action that should be impossible but is routine for them. Ghosts do tickle that sweet spot for explaining the unknown, but it's almost always : your brain reacting to unknown, but firmly terrestrial causes. The other times it's a serial killer biding her time.
Or fairies.I'm offended that little sin thought shego would make a better villain tutor than me. I guess I'm going to have to start killing more of you in public.
Also, you own a cat? They can set up some amazing delayed physics action that should be impossible but is routine for them. Ghosts do tickle that sweet spot for explaining the unknown, but it's almost always : your brain reacting to unknown, but firmly terrestrial causes. The other times it's a serial killer biding her time.
B
Biannoshufu
It takes me a few minutes to realize your not talking about the neotwink bois down at the gay bar.
B
Biannoshufu
*sees that response, scratches an item off her bucketlist*
North_Ranger
Staff member
Dude, why did you have to start quotin' from Changeling: The Lost? Now I can't help but look around for possible Hedge-gates. Thanks a lot!
Added at: 13:08
Of course, I gotta ask... was your home built by people of Scandinavian origin? Because then there is a distinct possibility that you have pissed off a tonttu, a kind of sprite or gnome of the house. Luckily, they are easily placated; just leave a saucer of milk and a slice of freshly-baked bread on the porch on Christmas night, and repeat the tradition annually.
I guess a Finnish-Canadian tonttu might also accept a domestic beer and a hockey magazine.
Do as your grandma says, have everybody in your house to wear some iron, put also some iron over your doors, give the house spirits some nice offerings and, if the troubles still persist, it's clearly a ghost.
SCIENCE
SCIENCE
Why would you want to look around for hedge gates? At worst, you die a horrible death. At best, you get found and physically and mentally tortured before escaping back into the real world, where you have no friends or family anymore, seeking companionship from other victims of the True Fae. Nobody notices you've been gone. Plus you have that nagging doubt about whether you actually escaped or if your insane, alien, omnipotent lord and master let you go for some inscrutable reason.
Added at: 07:09
Oh, and
http://magiccardswithgooglyeyes.tumblr.com/
North_Ranger
Staff member
Weeeeelll... there's always the off-chance I'll find a Hera Pear. You know... that rare goblin fruit that cures all that ails ya...