The older I get, the less patience I have for friends and friendship.
Is this bad? Am I a bitch or is it just..getting older?? Help.
Is this bad? Am I a bitch or is it just..getting older?? Help.
The Random Crap Thread 2: It Hits the Fan.
- Thread starter North_Ranger
- Start date
Getting older means more chances to be burned by friends because they are unreliable or whatever. I think it is natural to become a little more solitary over time, especially with friends that don't share interests. The internet is pretty great in that regard. You can find friends who are reliable and share your interests across vast distances so that you are not stuck with whatever friends just happen to be close.
Also, it's okay to be a bitch, if that's who you're gonna be!
Dave
Staff member
I would bet this isn't true at all. You are not experiencing less patience with friends and friendship, you are probably experiencing less patience with the bullshit some of these friends bring. It's probably not the friends or friendship itself, just the drama.
That’s fair and makes sense.
I have a friend. And she’s getting back together with her abusive boyfriend. She had moved away and broken up with him so I thought she’d really be okay now. But I found out that they’re still in contact and she’s planning a trip to see him as soon as possible.
And i’m tired of it. I feel great distress and feel this makes me a bad person but I have no energy for it anymore. So my immediate thought today was to cut ties and say goodbye because I’m tired of watching her be miserable and being stuck. I know she probably needs good friends now more than ever but I’m just????
Okay this is probably very true!! You’re right. I’m tired of people being miserable and doing nothing about it. I’m tired of sharing in that misery when I’ve worked so hard to be happier. I want to surround myself with people who share that ideal.
Dave
Staff member
So my wife has this friend named Jenny. Jenny is the epitome of drama llama. 
My wife finally got sick of her bullshit and just cut off all contact. Best thing she ever did. My wife's drama level went down considerably. Some people just can't be happy unless they are miserable and the center of a whirlwind of miserableness that swirls around them like a miasma.
My wife finally got sick of her bullshit and just cut off all contact. Best thing she ever did. My wife's drama level went down considerably. Some people just can't be happy unless they are miserable and the center of a whirlwind of miserableness that swirls around them like a miasma.
Nah, I totally get it. It's emotionally draining and you do your best, but sooner or later you look up and realize there's no end in sight and you just run out of fucks to give. Sounds like a tough situation, but sometimes you need to be a little selfish and look after your own mental health.
I walk past a pizza place every day on my walk from my car to my jerb. They must pipe the pizza oven exhaust right out to the sidewalk. It's diabolical.
Along the lines of what Mind Detective said about being solitary, we're reaching an age where we don't have to deal with other people's drama to survive anymore. In grade school/high school, you had to see these people everyday, and your friends/social life/standing/etc. was probably one of the most important parts of life next to grades, so dealing with the drama was just a part of everyday life. Also, college, too, but maybe to a lesser degree. Now you get to a point (and I know, I've been there, too), where you don't have to see these people every day, they don't effect your daily routine, so you can find yourself tapering off from them. You have really important things to focus your limited time on, be it work, family, spouse, kid/s, whatever. It can help you realize who are the truly good friends, who's backs you have and they've got yours, and who is just too draining to waste a significant portion of your already busy life on.
I’m glad I’m not way out of line here. That was my big worry, that I was overreacting or that i’m being a bad friend.
But sounds like everyone has a similar friend or knows someone who does. I’ll take a minute to think but I very well might distance myself, spend my time focusing on the people who are good for me.
But sounds like everyone has a similar friend or knows someone who does. I’ll take a minute to think but I very well might distance myself, spend my time focusing on the people who are good for me.
Cajungal
Staff member
I walked away from a friend years ago. It was really similar to the situation Dave described. This girl was sapping all of my energy, and I stayed friends with her because she was going through such a hard time. After several years, it dawned on me that she was always going through a hard time. She wasn't happy unless she was in some kind of crisis; she reveled in making every gathering about her and her dumbass boyfriend who got arrested for smashing mailboxes with a baseball bat. Really--she'd call him in the middle of girls' nights every 10 minutes and start a fight, then expect me to comfort her. She called me her "therapist." After going back to that guy for the umpteenth time and asking me to talk her out of it (again), I finally had enough. I felt awful some days, but I also felt like a weight had been lifted.
Real friendships have give and take. That friendship did not.
Freaking shoot me now.
For those of you who are on my FB, you'll probably know that I ocassionally play tunes on my FB live for my friends.
Tonight, I was about 5 or 10 minutes into the video when Kevin Crawford popped in. You probably don't know who that is, but it's a Big Deal. My heart is still pounding.
(for a bit of a clue who he is...
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kevin_Crawford
)
I felt like some poor ancient Greek praying at the temple of Zeus, and Zeus actually showed up.
For those of you who are on my FB, you'll probably know that I ocassionally play tunes on my FB live for my friends.
Tonight, I was about 5 or 10 minutes into the video when Kevin Crawford popped in. You probably don't know who that is, but it's a Big Deal. My heart is still pounding.
(for a bit of a clue who he is...
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kevin_Crawford
)
I felt like some poor ancient Greek praying at the temple of Zeus, and Zeus actually showed up.
Oh WOW I used to listen to Lunasa a lot. That's pretty awesome.
Yeah, if you cut contact the moment someone is having a rough time, you may be a bad friend. If you're cutting contact (or at least reducing it/stepping away) because they're using you as an emotional scratching post forever or whatever, they may be a bad friend.
It's okay to say it's too much.
It's okay to say it's too much.
Wow...I ended a friendship a few years ago as well for similar reasons. We were friends and when she had something awful happen to her, I was there and supported her and did so much to help and was there for her all the time. The problem was that I was there for her too much. I did too much for her and she came to expect that I would always spend that much time with her and do that much for her. She used me. Her life was constantly in crisis and dramatic. She always had something to complain about. If I wanted to discuss a concern about my health (I had at least six surgeries during this time and severe flares or my illness) or vent about work or something she wasn’t interested.
She needed constant attention. That ended up being the final straw. She sent me this awful note about how terrible a friend I had been for not congratulating her for something on Facebook. Forget that I had told her in person many times how happy I was for her about the very same thing, she needed the constant (and public in this case) attention. I had been busy that day at work and hadn’t even seen the thing I was supposed to have applauded her for right away, but I had a nasty message complete with a calculation of how many hours had passed without my comment.
I unleashed in my reply.
This has bugged me for years: so if the establishment is already called a bar, then what do you call the counter where there are barstools and where the bartender works? Is that also a bar or does it have another name?
It's a bar or a rail.
Bleh.
According to the internets, the building is named after the inner bar.
https://www.etymonline.com/word/bar
i finished that last weekend. Now it marinates until I get some short story deadlines taken care of. This is for one of those.
I'll just use the building's name so I can call the inner bar the bar.
Pokemon Go.
That’s me lol. Our daughter is playing something else
GasBandit
Staff member
YouTube is trying to prevent angry mobs from abusing “dislike” button. Only happy mobs allowed to dislike things.
Is it really abuse when people actually dislike that they didn't play Sweet Victory though?
