Depression is starting to hit me hard, lately. I'm finding it incredibly difficult to motivate myself to do the work. Even when I manage to actually sit down to read something, I find I can't concentrate and lose focus.
Worse, I've gained weight. I've gained about 25 pounds over the past few months, leaving me around 225 lbs. It's my own fucking fault, though, since I've been pigging out on junk food far too much (especially ice cream) and not exercising nearly as much as I used to. I've started hitting the gym again, but it's hard to stay motivated when I see the blubber when I look in the mirror, or have several button-up shirts that don't fit me anymore.
I'm seeing a counsellor and he's been pretty good so far. But he can't do my school work, which I feel like I'm falling more and more behind. For example, I did a test today in Educational Psychology. I stared at the goddamn questions for a good 10 minutes before even starting. Worse, the teacher actually had for one of the questions, "Using what we learned in Chapter 3..." Not "using this person's theory" or "going by this..." Just 'Chapter 3'. Who the fuck learns specifically what's in each chapter? I learn by this theory or that idea. I answered the question, but I still have no clue if it's right.
On top of all that, I'm just fucking lonely. Sure, I've met some people but I rarely see them. Got one guy friend that's been coming over on Saturdays for a Nerd Night (Doctor Who and watching some wrestling). But 95% of the time, I'm just on my own. There's fucking nowhere to go here (Presque Isle, Maine) and nothing to do. Additionally, I just feel trapped here. I don't have a car and the only person I know that goes to Halifax (where my folks are) leaves before my last class on Thursdays. Most of the time, I'm just sitting by myself in my apartment, wasting far too much time surfing the net because I can't get motivated to do anything else. My addition to the internet is equivilent to a couch potato watching TV. I'll spend hours visiting and revisiting the same sites over and over. I've even tried putting, say, an hour-a-day lock on Firefox using LeechBlock, but I get a moment of weakness and turn it off.
Worse, I've gained weight. I've gained about 25 pounds over the past few months, leaving me around 225 lbs. It's my own fucking fault, though, since I've been pigging out on junk food far too much (especially ice cream) and not exercising nearly as much as I used to. I've started hitting the gym again, but it's hard to stay motivated when I see the blubber when I look in the mirror, or have several button-up shirts that don't fit me anymore.
I'm seeing a counsellor and he's been pretty good so far. But he can't do my school work, which I feel like I'm falling more and more behind. For example, I did a test today in Educational Psychology. I stared at the goddamn questions for a good 10 minutes before even starting. Worse, the teacher actually had for one of the questions, "Using what we learned in Chapter 3..." Not "using this person's theory" or "going by this..." Just 'Chapter 3'. Who the fuck learns specifically what's in each chapter? I learn by this theory or that idea. I answered the question, but I still have no clue if it's right.
On top of all that, I'm just fucking lonely. Sure, I've met some people but I rarely see them. Got one guy friend that's been coming over on Saturdays for a Nerd Night (Doctor Who and watching some wrestling). But 95% of the time, I'm just on my own. There's fucking nowhere to go here (Presque Isle, Maine) and nothing to do. Additionally, I just feel trapped here. I don't have a car and the only person I know that goes to Halifax (where my folks are) leaves before my last class on Thursdays. Most of the time, I'm just sitting by myself in my apartment, wasting far too much time surfing the net because I can't get motivated to do anything else. My addition to the internet is equivilent to a couch potato watching TV. I'll spend hours visiting and revisiting the same sites over and over. I've even tried putting, say, an hour-a-day lock on Firefox using LeechBlock, but I get a moment of weakness and turn it off.
