[Rant] Why does North American porn suck? (NSFW)
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GasBandit
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Boys and girls, I give you now, the script of your average japanese porn:
*ITAI: "Ouch"Helium junky said:
Just as according to keikaku
fade
Staff member
This may be a Hal first, but I actually completely agree with Jay. I cannot stand the same things. Fake grunting, and the stupid ass facial expressions the women make. But the biggest turn-off definitely has to be the zoomed in shots of just the penis and vagina. Do people actually get off on that? "Here's a 1080p shot of the ugliest parts of human anatomy." Looks more like a medical video or a monster movie than porn.
You know what I like? The noise a woman makes at the moment of initial penetration. Even in those stupid videos, that always seems genuine. Oh, they may grunt over the top of it, but the real noise is in there too. Also a big fan of a woman trying to talk, and the pleasure interrupts her words. It's like it's so overwhelming. Weird, maybe, but I like it.
You know what I like? The noise a woman makes at the moment of initial penetration. Even in those stupid videos, that always seems genuine. Oh, they may grunt over the top of it, but the real noise is in there too. Also a big fan of a woman trying to talk, and the pleasure interrupts her words. It's like it's so overwhelming. Weird, maybe, but I like it.
I'm also a big fan of bilingual girls forgetting (or "forgetting") how to speak English. Nothing like overriding the forebrain to let you know you're doing your job properly. Just sayin'
Sounds like my reality.
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SeraRelm
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SeraRelm
( ಠ_ಠ)
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SeraRelm
Oh god I remember that one! I still love the Half-life and death of Gordon Fromen.
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makare
Due the wording of the title of this thread I am now wondering how much of the porn I have seen is Canadian...
Cajungal
Staff member
Gotta admit, I've never seen any porn. Not real porn. I've seen soft-core stuff there the guy's clearly grinding on some annoyed woman's thigh. Closest thing I've seen was very strange. The fella and I were at a hotel flipping through the channels, and all of a sudden we see this giggly, totally nude woman with taut, fake-looking boobs. I said "hello, porn star," as a joke, but it turned out she was one. Not sure who.
Anyway, it was some kind of show about different sex toys. It was funny because she had commentary for each one. Then she'd laugh and bounce around and maybe try one of the things they'd just been talking about. I saw this one enormous bazooka-looking instrument that a guy affixes to his penis and uses to jack off. It just seemed so unnecessary. The lazy man's wank, really, since he just sat there while this accordion-looking pump did all the work.... although it must have gotten heavy. No idea what that show was or what the hell channel that was.
Anyway, it was some kind of show about different sex toys. It was funny because she had commentary for each one. Then she'd laugh and bounce around and maybe try one of the things they'd just been talking about. I saw this one enormous bazooka-looking instrument that a guy affixes to his penis and uses to jack off. It just seemed so unnecessary. The lazy man's wank, really, since he just sat there while this accordion-looking pump did all the work.... although it must have gotten heavy. No idea what that show was or what the hell channel that was.
One page of a nonexistent work this guy did for shits and giggles.
Well, you could be introduced to the genre with the classic film that I started it with:
Indiana Joan in the Black Hole of Mammoo
(It's even worse than the reviews make it sound!)
Indiana Joan in the Black Hole of Mammoo
(It's even worse than the reviews make it sound!)
French ones, apparently. *chuckles*
In all seriousness, you could do worse than the work of Marc Dorcel, like Jay said... c'est de la classe, ça
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makare
For porn funny I recommend This Ain't Avatar, that Avatar porn spoof. It is pretty funny. Also, there is a blow job scene where if I were the guy I would have smacked the chick off me and run the hell away.
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SeraRelm
Almost.. almost.. almost.. there we are.
Good show.
Good show.
doomdragon6
Staff member
I can only assume the Petal thing was written AS a joke, but I actually knew an autistic girl who WROTE stuff like that, in full seriousness. She thought it was sexy. They often involved rape, which was.... illuminating.
Cajungal
Staff member
*starts a list* This is going to be an interesting summer.
Man, I pitched that same show to HBO. They didn't take my offer.
Her?
That's Katie Morgan. HBO has a few fun sex ed shows starring her, which she does while naked. They're fairly informative.
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