I do, but then I feel like I'm expected to say something - anything - and I never know what to say.
Keep in mind that the majority of our conversations are online chatting.
Rant VIII: The Reckoning
- Thread starter Anonymous
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Keep in mind that the majority of our conversations are online chatting.
http://www.livestrong.com/article/152711-how-to-help-someone-whos-having-an-anxiety-attack/
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/11/13/what-not-to-do-panic-atta_n_6102930.html
There's a lot of information on the internet. I think sifting the good places to start from the WTF is relatively easy.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/11/13/what-not-to-do-panic-atta_n_6102930.html
There's a lot of information on the internet. I think sifting the good places to start from the WTF is relatively easy.
Yeah, that makes communication tough. It's hard enough to work through an issue in person, let alone through the difficulty of traversing difficult conversations without body language or tone to help out. How about starting with something simple? Tell me about something you felt was nice about today. What do you hope happens tomorrow? What did <son> do today that made you laugh?
I'm horrrrrible at small talk, so don't take too much instruction from me.
I would posit that there are times we feel the same way about you, yet we don't leave you and you don't leave us.
I will admit that I haven't fully embraced it yet either, but sometimes the other person does not actually want you to say/do/solve anything, they just want to lean on you, to have you hold them, to just know that you're there for them.
--Patrick
I could cut a bitch today!
Just being there to listen is a huge help!
Yep, that's depression. The same thing happens with you, just read some of your past posts. When someone falls into one of those spirals, the natural instinct is to try to rationalize with them. But it doesn't work, because it's not rational.
I don't have an answer.
Sometimes the answer isn't an answer, but to just be there. Don't know what to do? What to say? So what. You're THERE.
Negative reinforcement much?
Nick, she sees something in you. You may not see what it is at times, but you sort of have to assume she likes you for a reason. I'm going to take a wild guess and say she isn't with you for the fame or the money. Apparently she really likes the Nickness of Nick. This is a good thing. I often can't see any reason why my girlfriend would stay with me - she can do better. Believe me, many men feel that way a lot. I'm sure women do, too, but my experience and knowledge on that side is more limited.
Anyway, just like no-one can suddenly "solve" your problems for you, or give you "the" solution, neither can anyone solve hers. When you're stressed and burnt out and depressed, you drive yourself ever deeper in a negative reinforcement spiral. She may very well do the exact same thing. She doesn't need, and probably doesn't want, someone to tell her how to "fix" things - there are no easy solutions. You don't want or need her to "solve" your problems, either. Just being there to offer support, to commiserate, to vent to, for all I care to pick up her child and play with him for a bit because she doesn't have the energy to be positive and active around him. Stuffing food into her mouth when she doesn't want to eat (or, vice versa, stop her from drowning herself in alcohol or drugs, if that's her way of dealing, though I don't think it is based on earlier posts), anything. Be there, and try to do your best. It's all anyone can do.
I've often said my girlfriend sees an idealized version of me, that she's not really in love with me but with a construct in her head that she thinks I am, which is better, braver, smarter, etc than I actually am. When I'm feeling slightly better, I realize that this is nonsense: no-one, not even we ourselves, can see our "true self". We are a construct in everyone's mind, including our own.
She believes in you. As far as I can tell, her kid believes in you. Both of them love you. That some others don't believe in you is also true. You can be negative and focus on those who want to break you down, or try to be positive and try to live up to what the people who do love you, think of you.
Look, I don't have any answers, either - I'm sort of in a depressed rut at the moment too. But I've been told a hundred times I can write well, that it's pleasant to read, etc. You know how many books I've started? Zero, because I don't think I'm creative enough to have a good, original idea. I'm still stuck in the same dead-end job I've been in since college - under my level, working nights and weekends, having far too little social life, not doing any sports or getting any physical activity. I'm jealous that you've managed to write a good, funny book - and a second one that I'm going to assume is good too. I'm jealous that you've managed to get in better shape and been capable of sticking with yoga for so long, having a serious impact. I'm jealous that you somehow manage to at least go out and try to find another job, try something new. You're not Superman. You're not going to be rich or famous this time next year (probably). But, having met a few semi-celebrities in my life - hardly anybody is living the "perfect life". Just look at Markus Persson's tweets about how depressed he is - he's famous, but not in the "constantly bothered in the streets" way. He's changed the world. He's rich, and respected. And he's still depressed because his life isn't what he wanted or expected it to be. No-one's is. As far as I can tell, you're caring, loving, intelligent, creative, attentive, playful. Yes, you're probably also a grump, and childish, and over sensitive. So what? Everyone's got good and bad sides, and suffering and striving is the Human Condition. You keep on fighting for a slightly better place, for a slightly easier time, for a slightly more fun life. One important thing is having someone who loves you and who you love, someone you can rely on and who can rely on you. I don't have a crystal ball - I don't know whether or not you and Alyx are meant to be, and if you'll be together in ten years' time. But don't push her away because you think you're not good enough for her - she can be the judge of that. Try your best, and it's all you can do.
You're not a failure, or a joke. You're a person, struggling with life. So am I. So are most of us, here. Heck, we sometimes joke about @Docseverin being the perfect man, being brave, bold, good-looking, honorable, smart, whatever. I'm sure he's not always happy and often insecure, that he questions his own worth, that he doubts, too. We all do. if you don't doubt yourself, if you're never insecure, if you never think about yourself or question yourself, well, you might just be Donald Trump
Anyway, take care, and don't hurt yourself because you think you deserve it at the moment. Cutting out people who are there for you is just as much self-destructive as cutting yourself literally. And have a hug.
Anyway, just like no-one can suddenly "solve" your problems for you, or give you "the" solution, neither can anyone solve hers. When you're stressed and burnt out and depressed, you drive yourself ever deeper in a negative reinforcement spiral. She may very well do the exact same thing. She doesn't need, and probably doesn't want, someone to tell her how to "fix" things - there are no easy solutions. You don't want or need her to "solve" your problems, either. Just being there to offer support, to commiserate, to vent to, for all I care to pick up her child and play with him for a bit because she doesn't have the energy to be positive and active around him. Stuffing food into her mouth when she doesn't want to eat (or, vice versa, stop her from drowning herself in alcohol or drugs, if that's her way of dealing, though I don't think it is based on earlier posts), anything. Be there, and try to do your best. It's all anyone can do.
I've often said my girlfriend sees an idealized version of me, that she's not really in love with me but with a construct in her head that she thinks I am, which is better, braver, smarter, etc than I actually am. When I'm feeling slightly better, I realize that this is nonsense: no-one, not even we ourselves, can see our "true self". We are a construct in everyone's mind, including our own.
She believes in you. As far as I can tell, her kid believes in you. Both of them love you. That some others don't believe in you is also true. You can be negative and focus on those who want to break you down, or try to be positive and try to live up to what the people who do love you, think of you.
Look, I don't have any answers, either - I'm sort of in a depressed rut at the moment too. But I've been told a hundred times I can write well, that it's pleasant to read, etc. You know how many books I've started? Zero, because I don't think I'm creative enough to have a good, original idea. I'm still stuck in the same dead-end job I've been in since college - under my level, working nights and weekends, having far too little social life, not doing any sports or getting any physical activity. I'm jealous that you've managed to write a good, funny book - and a second one that I'm going to assume is good too. I'm jealous that you've managed to get in better shape and been capable of sticking with yoga for so long, having a serious impact. I'm jealous that you somehow manage to at least go out and try to find another job, try something new. You're not Superman. You're not going to be rich or famous this time next year (probably). But, having met a few semi-celebrities in my life - hardly anybody is living the "perfect life". Just look at Markus Persson's tweets about how depressed he is - he's famous, but not in the "constantly bothered in the streets" way. He's changed the world. He's rich, and respected. And he's still depressed because his life isn't what he wanted or expected it to be. No-one's is. As far as I can tell, you're caring, loving, intelligent, creative, attentive, playful. Yes, you're probably also a grump, and childish, and over sensitive. So what? Everyone's got good and bad sides, and suffering and striving is the Human Condition. You keep on fighting for a slightly better place, for a slightly easier time, for a slightly more fun life. One important thing is having someone who loves you and who you love, someone you can rely on and who can rely on you. I don't have a crystal ball - I don't know whether or not you and Alyx are meant to be, and if you'll be together in ten years' time. But don't push her away because you think you're not good enough for her - she can be the judge of that. Try your best, and it's all you can do.
You're not a failure, or a joke. You're a person, struggling with life. So am I. So are most of us, here. Heck, we sometimes joke about @Docseverin being the perfect man, being brave, bold, good-looking, honorable, smart, whatever. I'm sure he's not always happy and often insecure, that he questions his own worth, that he doubts, too. We all do. if you don't doubt yourself, if you're never insecure, if you never think about yourself or question yourself, well, you might just be Donald Trump
Anyway, take care, and don't hurt yourself because you think you deserve it at the moment. Cutting out people who are there for you is just as much self-destructive as cutting yourself literally. And have a hug.
And I'm done now.
With everything.
With everything.
Dave
Staff member
Welp, looks like my mom had another stroke. She went from fairly lucid with some memory issues to WTF loopy in 0.2 seconds. Today she was calling all over town to try and find out when my dad was coming home. Guess she forgot he was sitting on the mantle. (No, I did not say that to her. I have a dark sense of humor, I'm not a monster.) My sister is having the ambulance come and take her to the emergency room because she needs a CAT scan to see what's up. She won't go on her own with my sister because she says she's tired after the busy day she's had traveling and catching a play. Which is weird because she's been home all day. Just waiting on the call to go there myself, but my sister had to go get some paperwork first.
Oh, and Nick & Alix, I'm sorry to see you having troubles. Trust me, I've been there. My wife had depression issues until medication and our fights were epic and straining. But it was all worth it in the end. If you break up, I'm sorry to hear it.
Oh, and Nick & Alix, I'm sorry to see you having troubles. Trust me, I've been there. My wife had depression issues until medication and our fights were epic and straining. But it was all worth it in the end. If you break up, I'm sorry to hear it.
Not sure if that's everything, or everything everything.
I trust you'll do what's best for you and the bubb, whatever that might be.
"To thine own self be true," and all that.
--Patrick
I'm sorry, Alix. You have to do what's best for you and your little man though.
This morning I was all set to post in the epic win thread about getting to buy prenatal vitamins.
Guess I shouldn't have bought all those prenatal vitamins.
I'll be in the drunk thread.
Guess I shouldn't have bought all those prenatal vitamins.
I'll be in the drunk thread.
Dave
Staff member
I had to do a double-take to check and see if this was Gas.
Ouch.
--Patrick
GasBandit
Staff member
And so the GasBanditization of HCGLNS continues its slow unstoppable march!
Look, I admit she has "Major Owl Lover" in her title and all that, but I'll have you know I'm a perfect gentleman* around friends' ladies.
*slight nibbles on toes and hairballs in cleavage are not against the gentleman code.
No. I'm pretty sure that's a fundamental Don't.
You know, it's one thing to lose a pregnancy through natural means. That's devastating, for sure. It's another thing to be pro-choice and make the conscious decision to end a pregnancy for whatever reasons. It's a decision I cannot support, but it's also not mine to make.
It's a whole other dimension of hell to be expecting, even by surprise, have the time to start looking forward to having a fourth child, and then be faced with the necessity of terminating the pregnancy or else both mother and child will die. Yes, it's necessary, but it's still making the decision to end a life. I never thought I'd be in that position.
Anyone here have a good source for finding a therapist? Other than psychology today.
It's a whole other dimension of hell to be expecting, even by surprise, have the time to start looking forward to having a fourth child, and then be faced with the necessity of terminating the pregnancy or else both mother and child will die. Yes, it's necessary, but it's still making the decision to end a life. I never thought I'd be in that position.
Anyone here have a good source for finding a therapist? Other than psychology today.
I wouldn't feel bad, it's totally what the thread is for!
I still think we need a Homicidal, irrational rage thread too.
I still think we need a Homicidal, irrational rage thread too.