I like to spell it out for the rest of ya
A
Anonymous
Anonymous
It's funny I like being odd and different but on the same hand I am tired of feeling like I don't belong anywhere. I haven't felt like I belong anywhere my whole life. It's at a point where I don't even feel like I count myself apart of the human race. My whole life just feels off and I think part of the reason I don't feel like I belong anywhere is because I don't know who I am. No matter how hard I try I can't figure myself out. I have made strides over the past few years and while I am happier with myself than I have been in the past it doesn't make me feel whole or anything. I still feel broken and shrouded in a mist of confusion and despair.
I want to do something but at the same time my depression makes me not want to do anything. So I end up feeling like I am stuck between life an death. I am not quite dead but I am not quite alive either. I also want to be around people but I also want to be alone and hide because I feel to vulnerable and when I am out I tend to put on a mask which makes finding out who I am even harder.
I want people to tell me it will be alright and that I am not as bad as UI feel but on the same hand when people tell me that I rebuke it mentally because I don't feel that way about myself.
I want to do something but at the same time my depression makes me not want to do anything. So I end up feeling like I am stuck between life an death. I am not quite dead but I am not quite alive either. I also want to be around people but I also want to be alone and hide because I feel to vulnerable and when I am out I tend to put on a mask which makes finding out who I am even harder.
I want people to tell me it will be alright and that I am not as bad as UI feel but on the same hand when people tell me that I rebuke it mentally because I don't feel that way about myself.
I think the only reason Harry was with Ginny is because he really wanted Ron, but was afraid to come out.
GasBandit
Staff member
It led to awkward roleplay later after marriage, with Harry asking her to do her hair up short and whine about spiders all the time.
GasBandit
Staff member
I feel where you're coming from, albeit for different reasons. I used to be a lot more confident in my self image, or rather, my sense of self and my own identity. But so much of that was wrapped up in Pauline that when she died, for a long time I felt like I didn't have my own identity any more, I was actually less of a person. I didn't know who I was or what I liked to do - I couldn't enjoy so many things that I used to take for granted as "I'm Gas and I like/want (this and this)." It just all went poof, and I've been having to re-figure out who I am, and what I want. It's a slow, disorienting, uncomfortable experience. It's easy to start feeling depressed about this, and sometimes I still struggle with it - there are good days and bad days. All I can say is keep trying, I'm pretty sure you'll figure it out. I will, too.
Seriously, I feel the same way 99% of the time in my everyday life. I have never really identified with other women, and I always want to make connections with people, but I never know how, and when I do, I always feel inferior and think that people can't actually stand me being around and wish I would just leave. I almost always find a way to cut ties before I think other people are about to do it first.
This was a big happy tackle-hug, to be clear. Your ribs may have made a slight cracking sound. If so, I apologize. But welcome back!
...and a cat.
EDIT: Also for those who are having trouble getting the picture to load because it is apparently hosted on a potato...
--Patrick
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Ouch! My ribs!This was a big happy tackle-hug, to be clear. Your ribs may have made a slight cracking sound. If so, I apologize. But welcome back!
I missed you too, cheri. How are you?
I am starting to wonder if you are going to have a heart attack by the time the weekend comes, or maybe an aneurysm.
I'm new, I'm not stupid. And no, you didn't say it. You didn't need to. Your behavior and body language did it for you. I "don't sign your paycheck", so that gives you the right to treat me like a child?
By the way, who was it that showed you how to get the computer working while you were in mid-rant threatening to go home if you couldn't get it to work? Who wrote down both the problem AND the solution DAYS AGO in the log you didn't bother to read?
But somehow I'm the bad guy for daring to stand up for myself. PROTIP: someone higher up the food chain than either of us saw what you did there.
By the way, who was it that showed you how to get the computer working while you were in mid-rant threatening to go home if you couldn't get it to work? Who wrote down both the problem AND the solution DAYS AGO in the log you didn't bother to read?
But somehow I'm the bad guy for daring to stand up for myself. PROTIP: someone higher up the food chain than either of us saw what you did there.
Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
Lucky you.
No they call it Netflix now I think.
I've had to do something like this for people twice now. "I can fix your thing but you have to pay for me to order THE ONLY OTHER MOTHERBOARD LIKE YOURS ANYWHERE ON THE INTERNET...unless you want to buy a whole new computer, that is."
I managed to find a replacement motherboard on ebay but it will take 6 days to get here.
--Patrick
GasBandit
Staff member
The boss was prepared to let me order a whole new server, but I managed to find the motherboard for under 100 bucks, and it will save me time in the long run because I won't have to reinstall the OS over again and rebuild all our user permissions from scratch.
Just have to reactivate the OS or something.
Still easier than rebuilding everything.
See if he'll spring for you to build a mirror server in case something like this ever happens again.
--Patrick
GasBandit
Staff member
Oh, the backup server died last month. That expense is coming, he knows, as soon as I'm not entirely engulfed in flames.
"Do our employees really -need- to be healthy, in the long run? I mean, at the very least they probably don't need teeth."
Why do you care? You're not allowed to get sick anyways!
As an aside, my husband's job had that meeting a few months ago. Right before he also found out that everyone on his team was getting laid off.
GasBandit
Staff member
My guess is our insurance is having to change again for the third time in 3 years, because insurance is getting more expensive all the time.
GasBandit
Staff member
OH HEY ONE OF OUR STREAMING APPLIANCES JUST SHIT THE BED
HOPE I REMEMBER ENOUGH DEBIAN TO EDIT ITS CONFIG FILES IN A TEXT PROMPT DRIVEN TERMINAL
OH WHAT'S THAT, STREAMON SUPPORT? IT WILL BE $690 FOR A NEW ONE?
FUNNY HOW WHEN A SATELLITE RECEIVER DIES, THE NETWORK JUST SENDS US A NEW ONE
BUT YOU GUYS, WHO WE PAY TO STREAM US, WHO SENT US THE STREAMING APPLIANCES IN THE FIRST PLACE, APPARENTLY WANT TO CHARGE US TO REPLACE A STREAMING APPLIANCE WE DON'T EVEN OWN
HOPE I REMEMBER ENOUGH DEBIAN TO EDIT ITS CONFIG FILES IN A TEXT PROMPT DRIVEN TERMINAL
OH WHAT'S THAT, STREAMON SUPPORT? IT WILL BE $690 FOR A NEW ONE?
FUNNY HOW WHEN A SATELLITE RECEIVER DIES, THE NETWORK JUST SENDS US A NEW ONE
BUT YOU GUYS, WHO WE PAY TO STREAM US, WHO SENT US THE STREAMING APPLIANCES IN THE FIRST PLACE, APPARENTLY WANT TO CHARGE US TO REPLACE A STREAMING APPLIANCE WE DON'T EVEN OWN
GasBandit
Staff member
My definition of "on time" has me getting home before 8 CT.
Thanks obama!