The I'm Drunk/Wasted/High thread part too drunk to count

I have a friend from college who I call "Adele" and its taken every ounce of resistance I have to not text her those lyrics (more of my ex's friend than mine).
 
So here's a real conversation between me and Jun half an hour ago:

I just got home for a couple hours over at Craft Street.

As soon as I get home, I make a beeline to the bedroom.

Jun is layin on the bed watching Chinese soap operas.

Me: "Hey Jun!"

Jun: "(muted) Hey."

Me: "Really? That's the welcome I get?"

Jun: "What did you expect? Me in a cheerleader outfit with Pom Pom's cheering, 'Welcome home! Welcome home!'?"

Me: "........"

Jun: "Just kidding! Of course you know your wife wants to see you and cuddle!"

Me: "Oh REALLY. That's why you refused to last night."

Jun: "What are you talking about? When??"

Me: "Around 2:30am, when I finished playing games with Gasbandit."

Jun: "I don't remember. I must have really been fast aleep."

Me: "Yeah, well, I'm mad at you."

Jun: "Why??"

Me: "Because I *tried* to cuddle and you wouldn't, and it was the worst possible time for a refusal."

Jun: ".....erm...what do you mean?"

Me: "Nevermind. I shouldn't say."

Jun: "You have to tell me now."

Me: "I'm not so sure I should."

Jun: "There's no way you can't tell me now."

Me: "Fine. When I went to bed and tried falling asleep, I suddenly saw what looked like a shadow person right in front of me. It scared the hell out of me. I got my phone and shined a light, and it was gone. I tried to wake you up or hold you because, lets be honest, I was pretty scared, but you mumbled and pushed me away, so instead I sat in bed nervously eyeing the room until exhaustion took over and I fell asleep."

Jun: "........"

Me: "Anyhow, I'm sure it was just my brain playing tricks on me, as tends to happen when a person gets really tired."

Jun: "We're sleeping with the lights on."

*20 minutes later as I check the room--lights still on*
 
If anyone tried to wake me up at 2:30 to cuddle, and I was actually asleep, I would probably punch them in the dick, so you got off light. :p
 
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