Rant VIII: The Reckoning

[Bubble181]

Defrosting takes days? Jeeze stien, not all of us need trucksized walk-in freezers to store two days worth of food Stick in a pot of boiling water and it'll defrost in an hour or so, maybr replace if necessary and seriously frosted. Just let it dry out well before plugging it back in.

 

[Emrys]

Defrosting takes days? Jeeze stien, not all of us need trucksized walk-in freezers to store two days worth of food Stick in a pot of boiling water and it'll defrost in an hour or so, maybr replace if necessary and seriously frosted. Just let it dry out well before plugging it back in.

Point of order - the truck-sized walk-in freezer only stores one day of food for his family.

 

[Gruebeard]

We have an old spare fridge in the garage. Tonight I went out to get my dinner (baked tilapia...mmmmmm) and the freezer side is not freezing. The fridge side does okay, but so much for having a garage freezer.

It's December. Nebraska is your freezer.




But yeah,

 

[Dave]

Yes. Right now I have the food witting right outside the freezer, which means it's now frozen more than if they'd been in the freezer.

 

[sixpackshaker]

My Dad should be headed to surgery today or tomorrow. He broke his back a couple of months ago, and never noticed. He just thought he was "down in the back." He also did not notice the pneumonia at the same time either.

Sometimes being a tough old bird has its drawbacks.

My sister in law just had the same surgery today. The doctor told her that she had the back of an 80 year old woman. Neat trick for a 49 year old woman.

 

[Dave]

Right there with ya, man.

 

[PatrThom]

I gotta say, it's a big worry of mine, that someday I'll be like that...and never even know it.

--Patrick

 

[Squidleybits]

I'm so sorry

I don't know what to say other than that I wish you weren't having to deal with this. I watched my uncle recently care for my aunt as her dementia got worse and worse and care-taking like that is such a hard job.

 

[strawman]

Something I'm worried about, is will they want to try to hold me responsible for her state

They may investigate if there are signs of abuse or neglect, similar to child protective services. An unresolved UTI is not a sign of abuse or neglect, particularly since you got her to the hospital for it, and you've been in and out of the hospital with her for a variety of other recorded reasons.

If she has specific types of bruises or broken bones they will certainly investigate, if she has significant untreated bed sores they will investigate, and there are likely a number of other things that might point towards abuse or neglect.

They will similarly open an investigation if someone requests they do so or provides other evidence of abuse or neglect.

In other words, you will probably not be held liable for her illness(es) and/or dementia. It's common in the elderly, and not a sign of abuse or neglect. It's possible that they will ask you a series of questions about her care, but you might not notice because they've been doing this as part of her intake procedures every time you visit the hospital. They ask a number of questions to detect abuse, and on examinations the physicians also look for signs of abuse. They don't talk about it openly or tell you, and chances are you've simply gotten used to the questions and rattle off the answers without thinking about it.

I doubt you are in any danger of an investigation, and you can safely put that thought out of your mind and focus on the next step for her. This is going to be rough enough without worrying about whether you'll be blamed for something.

 

[Officer_Charon]

Boy oh BOY do I love getting calls from collections agencies about medical bills.

Fucking out of network children's hospital...

 

[Bones]

Mom has been moved to the university hospital so they can do a neurological examination. The psychiatrist who examined her has deemed her not competent. So the next step is for my sister to arrange for a competency hearing to obtain guardianship.

I'm fine with her running the show on that end because with my schedule and own situation, I wouldn't be able to get it done. She actually lives on normal people time.

im sorry man, thats a rough path, im glad your sister is there to help out.

 

[PatrThom]

The conversation we had after my sister arrived was completely off the rails. None of it made sense. It was hard to listen to. When the doctor came in, she could answer the important questions like who we were, who her doctor was and such, but would also veer way off course.

Now THAT sounds like a breakdown.

--Patrick

 

[Bubble181]

Mom has been moved to the university hospital so they can do a neurological examination. The psychiatrist who examined her has deemed her not competent. So the next step is for my sister to arrange for a competency hearing to obtain guardianship.

I'm fine with her running the show on that end because with my schedule and own situation, I wouldn't be able to get it done. She actually lives on normal people time.

I absolutely don't know anything about your relationship with your sister, but I do recommend caution in letting one sibling "take charge" too much. Try to keep a toe in the water/a say in decision making/whatever. I've seen siblings who got along just fine complete break off all contact and start life long feuds over ridiculous shit concerning the care of their parents (and/or financial reimbursements thereof). I'm not even talking the really serious stuff here (I can sort of understand people falling out over keeping life support on or not, DNRs etc), but really (comparatively) small things like "needs a nurse every day to bathe her" vs "needs someone to help her bathe twice a week because that's plenty and cheaper".

That said - if she really does seem to be checking out, however painful this may be to hear, and I'm truly sorry about that - you might want to try and sit down with the three of you and one or two witnesses to hammer out some of that stuff in writing while she still has lucid periods. Depending on the state and some other factors there can be pre-made forms you just need to fill out, or you might not really have any choice in the matter at all. Burial arrangements, DNR, organ donorship, euthanasia if or when or how, possibly testament, etc etc are horrible to deal with, but even worse when you don't know what she wants and can no longer ask her.

 

[jwhouk]

DA, I agree with the Belgian Hooter. Make sure you and your sister are talking and come to some understandings about what's best for mom, and about concerns you might have. Make sure there's no resentment, and let her know that yes, this is incredibly stressful. It's never fun to see your parent or parents go downhill so fast - and if it is indeed dementia, it will happen. Sadly, I've seen it happen with a friend's mom.

 

[strawman]

Boy oh BOY do I love getting calls from collections agencies about medical bills.

We've fought outrageous hospital bills before and we've discovered that the best time to settle is after it goes to collections. You can get a 25-50% discount by calling the hospital and saying, "We understand our bill went to collections and we'd like to work with you on it, but on a payment plan and we can't afford the whole thing." They'll get more from us than from the collection agency, and since it's gone to collections they are much more willing to deal.

 

[Officer_Charon]

We've fought outrageous hospital bills before and we've discovered that the best time to settle is after it goes to collections. You can get a 25-50% discount by calling the hospital and saying, "We understand our bill went to collections and we'd like to work with you on it, but on a payment plan and we can't afford the whole thing." They'll get more from us than from the collection agency, and since it's gone to collections they are much more willing to deal.

Thought once it went to collections, you had to deal with the agency? Huh! I've learned something new.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Tapatalk

 

[strawman]

Thought once it went to collections, you had to deal with the agency? Huh! I've learned something new.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Tapatalk

In my experience the hospitals never actually sell the debt. They use a collections agency, and if the agency collects then they pay the hospital a fraction of the collection.

In industries and businesses where the debt is sold then yes, it's usually out of the businesses's hands because they've already been paid.

I'm not sure if that's uniform across the healthcare industry, or if it's just michigan, or perhaps merely the hospitals we deal with, so you might have to poke around to figure out the actual arrangement.

 

[fade]

I think the reason is legal. From what I understand, medical collections are relatively toothless, because you need it to live.

 

[Dave]

Zach's flight today was cancelled so he won't be coming in tonight. They moved him to a flight tomorrow that goes through Houston with a 6 hour layover. He gets in Sunday night/Monday morning at 12:11 am.

 

[sixpackshaker]

A six hour layover? hell he could damn near drive home in that time.

 

[Dave]

Oh, and now his flight this morning was cancelled. Fuck United.

 

[Tinwhistler]

Oh, and now his flight this morning was cancelled. Fuck United.

When you talk shit about them on FB, you should tag them like @United Airlines so that it shows up on their news feed. I hate airline incompetency

 

[Dave]

When you talk shit about them on FB, you should tag them like @United Airlines so that it shows up on their news feed. I hate airline incompetency

Done.

 

[HCGLNS]

 

[Dave]

Just got off the phone. I was on hold for more than an hour. But I had a phone with a fresh battery and a fire in my belly. Got a very tired Hispanic sounding lady who I think already had her day ruined. She told me that they couldn't refund any money since the first departure date was past and in any event he would have to take his return flight before anything could be done. Their computers would not allow any refunds to be processed until that time. Remember that.

I asked what assurances I had that would not prevent them from saying (after the return flight), "Well, you took your return flight so you get NOTHING SIR! GOOD DAY!" Her response was that there would be a flag put into the system that his flight was cancelled and that they'd pay me the amount of the ticket I bought today. When she found out it was almost $400 she "had to talk to a supervisor". When she came back on she said that they were going to pro-rate the amount refunded to the date I bout THEIR ticket - October 15. No, I said, I did not pay for this ticket on October 15. I bought it just today, which is why a one-way ticket is so much. "Let me talk to my supervisor," said the woman who was frankly sick of me at this point. She comes back on and says that they will be refunding me 1/2 of my overall ticket cost for the round-trip ticket and that it should hit in 7-10 business days.

So when they found out they would have had to pay almost $400, suddenly 1/2 of my initial ticket price wasn't so bad and they found a way to do it even though their computers wouldn't allow it.

IT'S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!!

So he'll get home tonight on American Airlines at about 8:15 local time, as opposed to 12:11 am on the United airlines flight.

And all was well.

The end?

 

[jwhouk]

Probably not, since it's freakin' cold in Chicago.

 

[Dave]

Just now got wheels up for the last leg home.

 

[Tinwhistler]

Done.

I was gonna reply on FB and do it, but I wasn't sure you'd want me broadcasting your complaint like that, so I mentioned it here instead

 

[Dave]

Was expecting to meet with attending physician and psychiatrist about signing off on mom not being able to make her own medical decisions. Didn't happen. First visit this morning she was completely delirious. Second time much more coherent. Still refusing her medication. I am near certain she stopped taking something important in the days leading up to this.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I'll never understand people who don't take their medication. I know things are fine right now - that's because you've been taking your medication! These diseases don't just go away.

I hate to see people going through shit like this. I know exactly how you feel and it SUUUUCKS!

 

[GasBandit]

I'll never understand people who don't take their medication. I know things are fine right now - that's because you've been taking your medication! These diseases don't just go away.

I hate to see people going through shit like this. I know exactly how you feel and it SUUUUCKS!

Some people start to feel like the meds are controlling their life, and they start to resent them, even though it's the meds that are enabling them to live how they want - albeit with having to swallow a cup of pills at regular intervals. Pauline was that way.

 

[strawman]

For me it's more a hope.
I hope I never understand people who don't take their medication.


For some things it's already too late, though.


I understand people who cook their steak well done.

 

[PatrThom]

I understand people who cook their steak well done.

There's a pill for that.

--Patrick

 

[Squidleybits]

I'll never understand people who don't take their medication. I know things are fine right now - that's because you've been taking your medication! These diseases don't just go away.

I hate to see people going through shit like this. I know exactly how you feel and it SUUUUCKS!

I forget mine sometimes. I get frazzled with the kids and then it's time for the next round.[DOUBLEPOST=1482179697,1482179605][/DOUBLEPOST]

For me it's more a hope.
I hope I never understand people who don't take their medication.


For some things it's already too late, though.


I understand people who cook their steak well done.

Uh oh - sometimes I forget to take my medication AND I like well done steak.

 

[Squidleybits]

We're well past forgetting. Now we're at sedation, restraints, IV, and feeding tube. But at least now they were able to get the MRI and lumbar puncture done. No results back yet. Mom considers my sister her worst enemy right now, because she's the one who had her admitted. But it had to be done.

It sounds like it was the only option left

How are you doing?

 

[Tinwhistler]

So I get an alert on my neighborhood website. There's a bear in the town square, heading toward our neighborhood. First thing my wife says is "can we go see? I want to see a bear!"

"Uhm, no you don't. You really don't."