I'm not the one who put the business in the situation it's in. I'm not the one who cut off major streams of revenue in the name of "cost cutting." There's no realistic way I could keep it from going under. So why do I feel like I've failed so miserably?
It probably has something to do with you being a good person and caring about the lives (and livelihoods) of the people you work with. Sadly, I can offer you no quick-fix suggestions for the feeling of failure. It took me until 3 weeks ago to finally realize that it really wasn't my fault in some way that my old company went down - because I was their purchaser and maybe, just maybe, if I'd scrimped a little more or negotiated a little harder, maybe crisis could have been averted. It couldn't've been. It really, honestly, and truly wasn't my fault; and the financial statements that we got our hands on near the end proved it. We had a "must-have, must install in-house" hardware order get held up in Chicago one time (costing the company tens of thousands of dollars), and our owner chewed the ass of the freight company up one side and down the other for hours, just screaming and carrying on like that company's actions were going to mean the end of the world for everyone involved in this deal. You know why that shipment had been delayed? We hadn't paid our freight bill with that carrier in over 180 days. Ownership came from the Microsoft school of thought, where because you have the money, you call all of the shots and anyone who doesn't want to play ball gets left out. Well, guess what? For one thing, that doesn't work as well in the commercial casework business, because your customers can spec individual brands of components and you have to use them (or spend an assload of time and effort trying to sub out something else), and if one of those companies that didn't want to play ball is the regionally contracted reseller of that product, you either have to go back with your ass in your hands and try to make amends or find a third party re-reseller and pay through the fucking nose. Also - and perhaps more importantly - that only fucking works if you
HAVE THE MONEY!
Regardless, keep reminding yourself that you aren't at fault. It may be extremely cold comfort right now, and maybe forever - I still feel worse for the other 200+ people who were let go than I do for myself - but you're likely going to need the reminder when things get dark. And, as always, if you need help, drop me a line.
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