This right here's exactly why you do need to go. And non-depressed Nick would see that in an instant. Depression's insidious, because it affects your thinking. "It'll never work, it doesn't help, it doesn't matter" is exactly the type of, frankly, useles negative thinking about the future depression causes and reinforces - I'm very well acquainted with the thought process myself, and it is a constant struggle not to fall victim to it.What's the point, anyway? She wouldn't have helped and it would've just been a waste of money. She can't rebuild my hope for me, my life, or the world. I just don't care anymore.
Yeah, she may not Solve all your Issues Once and For All, obviously. But there's a huge difference between "biking out to the lake to do yoga on a flat rock" Nick and "what does it matter, I'm in a dead-end job and I'll never make a difference anyway" Nick. Maybe neither'll make a huge impact on the world; maybe both'll make a huge, lasting impression on just a few people in your life. Maybe none of it matters at all. Might as well try to enjoy. And if that doesn't help, well, consider how you want other people around you to think of you. Even people you don't see or don't know, even people you don't care about, even people you care about but don't get to see often enough.