Good reason not to use it.
I've recently been dipping my toes back into the dating waters. I downloaded Bumble and Tinder. Haven't matched with anyone yet.
Then I decided to try OkCupid. I've used it in the past, to some degree of success (nothing long-term, but had a few dates and short relationships). Holy shit, is this app/site horrible now. It used to be that you could message someone any time you wanted. Now, like Tinder or Bumble, you have to match with them first. And yet, they still give you the option to message someone. When I finally had the confidence to message someone, the app said to me "Great! As soon as you match, they'll see your message and you can chat!" What's even the point of messaging, then?!
Also, I hate that it doesn't let you filter by last online, like it used to have as an option. So I have no idea how old the profile is, when they were last online, or if they might have already found someone and forgot to delete their profile.
Ugh. Can't believe I'm nostalgic for when a dating app was better.
Then I decided to try OkCupid. I've used it in the past, to some degree of success (nothing long-term, but had a few dates and short relationships). Holy shit, is this app/site horrible now. It used to be that you could message someone any time you wanted. Now, like Tinder or Bumble, you have to match with them first. And yet, they still give you the option to message someone. When I finally had the confidence to message someone, the app said to me "Great! As soon as you match, they'll see your message and you can chat!" What's even the point of messaging, then?!
Also, I hate that it doesn't let you filter by last online, like it used to have as an option. So I have no idea how old the profile is, when they were last online, or if they might have already found someone and forgot to delete their profile.
Ugh. Can't believe I'm nostalgic for when a dating app was better.
Similar thing happened to me. When I finally got a tow truck, the tow company told me it’s a lot easier if you just call a tow company directly and see if they work with your insurance. They said they usually have a hard time with the directions or address they get from insurance, and rarely get a direct contact for the client.
I used eHarmony and Match.com for years. I'm pretty sure most of the eHarmony profiles were dead. Match.com was better about showing when people were last on, but there were still many inactive profiles. Sometimes I came back years later and I saw the same profiles that had clearly been dead for a long time. Things eventually worked out and I met my wife on Match. Even after we cancelled our subscriptions and got married, we still got messages from subscribers who had clearly been matched with us.
Last edited:
GasBandit
Staff member
I did get a couple conversations on eHarmony, but Match is where I met my current GF.
Yes. They were hot, but then those matches all got new jobs and unmatched you.
Such is my curse.
Found a quarter in the parking lot today.
This quarter was especially interesting because it appears to have been about struck 5% off-center, which is a mint error that would increase its value as a collectable.
Unfortunately, since I found it in a parking lot, it's been run over enough times that any increased value due to the error has been wiped out by the decrease due to damage.
Ah well.
--Patrick
This quarter was especially interesting because it appears to have been about struck 5% off-center, which is a mint error that would increase its value as a collectable.
Unfortunately, since I found it in a parking lot, it's been run over enough times that any increased value due to the error has been wiped out by the decrease due to damage.
Ah well.
--Patrick
So an interesting variation of this happened again today.
At the very beginning of the meeting, as people were still coming into the conference room and sitting down, two people started getting into an argument again, which once more was on a topic that only they knew about. Both of them are high-ranked individuals in our company, higher ranked than the person who's supposed to be running the meeting, which meant this person didn't feel like she could interrupt their argument. (Basically, imagine if your company chairman and CEO got into a heated discussion, and you're just a lowly middle manager who absolutely would not dare to tell either of these two people to sit down and shut up.)
So the person who's supposed to be running the meeting could only sit there and stare plaintively at the arguing people, then look around the room as if silently pleading for help, but none of us are anywhere close to being important enough to interrupt them, so all we could do was sit there and squirm and listen to them hash out the details of whatever it was they needed to hash out, all while the minutes ticked by.
So literally 20 or 30 minutes after the meeting was supposed to start, the two of them finally reached a consensus and sat down. And, I shit you not, one of them asked, "Why haven't we started yet? What's the holdup?"
Also I noticed that the person who was supposed to be running the meeting is actually kinda hot when she's squirming.
Its too freaking humid right now.
I've been having a weird pain in my head/ear/neck for about a week or so. Sometimes using earbuds will exacerbate it. It's almost impossible to identify or isolate where exactly the pain is coming from, aside from "the left side of my head", so my best guess is that it's a nerve issue. The pain is constant, and while it's not overwhelming (I'd say it's a 2 or 3 on the pain scale) it is definitely annoying and affecting my daily functionality. Unfortunately I can't see a doctor until Thursday, so I'll need to deal with it for a few more days.
Also there's a thought that's been going through my head... what if this is permanent? What if, from now on, I have chronic pain in the left side of my head, forever?
Also there's a thought that's been going through my head... what if this is permanent? What if, from now on, I have chronic pain in the left side of my head, forever?
GasBandit
Staff member
The kid literally comes home from practice to a full refrigerator and pantry, decides he doesn't want any of what's there (including the leftover chicken fajitas he made), goes to the grocery store and comes home with $30 in chicken breasts. Then tells me he can't afford to pay his bills this month.
I am getting pretty tired of the boy buying a ton of raw food, half of which rots before he cooks it, and half of what he cooks becoming leftovers he decides to let rot in the fridge until it is inedible, and then coming to me with his pockets rabbit-eared out.
Where the heck is all his money going, anyway? He doesn't pay rent, he isn't in school, his mother is covering his car insurance... I can't figure it out without invading his autonomy to the point of infantilization.
I am getting pretty tired of the boy buying a ton of raw food, half of which rots before he cooks it, and half of what he cooks becoming leftovers he decides to let rot in the fridge until it is inedible, and then coming to me with his pockets rabbit-eared out.
Where the heck is all his money going, anyway? He doesn't pay rent, he isn't in school, his mother is covering his car insurance... I can't figure it out without invading his autonomy to the point of infantilization.
As an adult, him, that is coming to you to say he can’t pay his bills, then asking where his money is going is a rational question. Point out that he is being wasteful of his money to fix so much of something that there are leftovers and then leaving the leftovers to be thrown out. It’s part of those “tough adult choices” that he has to learn about. He’s lucky to have someone to talk to about those things, and from the sound of it pull him out for the month at times, rather than just being astray in the world with no possibility of help at all. You would know better on how to talk with your son than I ever would. Just trying to give an outside perspective on a tough subject. If the response is something like “don’t treat me like a child” or “you don’t need to know” my response would be I’m not asking about itemization, or where every penny went, but did something unexpected happen and that’s the reason you’re running short? And, I know it sucks, but you know that these bills are coming up each month, is there possibly a way you could get them scheduled at a different time of the month so that you pay them earlier and you have them out of the way before spending money on your wants rather than your obligations to pay that bill? I personally did that last one, I have all my bills scheduled to post either at the very end of the month, or in the first week of the month and sit down one morning to pay them all, usually the 1st or 2nd. Again, just trying to give you some ideas from a different perspective.
Yeah, Gas calls him "the kid", but after all, he's got his own source of income, his own spending...
Of it wasn't for the kid's mother, would a landlord be as easy going? "oh sorry, spent my money on buying take out while I had food in the fridge but didn't feel like it" is... Not a very convincing argument.
Set aside bills, down payments, fixed costs, etc first. Whatever is left - a part had to be set aside for unexpected expenses. Then food, medical, clothing,... And only after that it's take out, hobbies, etc.
I know that in some/many cases the money simply isn't there to achieve that. But I also feel like a lot of young people don't understand the priorities of budgeting anymore.
Of it wasn't for the kid's mother, would a landlord be as easy going? "oh sorry, spent my money on buying take out while I had food in the fridge but didn't feel like it" is... Not a very convincing argument.
Set aside bills, down payments, fixed costs, etc first. Whatever is left - a part had to be set aside for unexpected expenses. Then food, medical, clothing,... And only after that it's take out, hobbies, etc.
I know that in some/many cases the money simply isn't there to achieve that. But I also feel like a lot of young people don't understand the priorities of budgeting anymore.
I think a combination of everyone's advice is the answer, but like Dei said, it needs to come from his mother, not you. He's an adult, he needs to sit down and learn to budget, because he would be homeless without you and his mom cutting him breaks. I'm sure there is the guilt trip of "I didn't ASK for my mom to leave our home and move in with her boyfriend", but as an adult, he had the option of making his own arrangements and he didn't. That's on him. So now that he has a stable roof over his head, he still needs to have certain responsibilities because he's over 18 and no longer a dependent.
GasBandit
Staff member
Yeah, as everyone says, I'm still trying to feel out how much my parental role here can be flexed before it snaps. He's 19 years old, technically an adult, and was before I even met his mother, and as she's my GF and not my wife I'm not even his step-father yet, just my GF's son that I let live with us rent free. And given his situation, moving out is guaranteed homelessness - at best.
But more tenuous than my role here is his mental state. He's a bit on the slow side (his mother tells me he has a learning disability), and has a habit of making poor decisions no doubt reinforced by a string of REALLY insufficient male role models (her Exes are all either abusive pieces of shit or adult man-children who barely can keep themselves off the street). If I harangue him about his bad decisions and obvious shortcomings, no matter how accurate, he has a tendency to shut down and withdraw. Basically I have to be careful not to lecture him out of his "spoons" so to speak. He has a real problem in the form of learned helplessness. If a situation seems too difficult to him, he will give up and collapse into despair.
The way it was explained to me by his mother... imagine you have a classroom full of kids. You give most of them easy crossword puzzles to work and a few of them impossible crossword puzzles. You collect the puzzles after 10 minutes and have a discussion with the class, pretending you gave them all the same puzzle. Most of the kids will say it was too easy, etc, and the kids you sabotaged will stay quiet out of fear of ridicule. You rinse and repeat a few times, and you'll find that pretty soon the kids you've been giving impossible puzzles don't even try to work the puzzles any more - even if you DO start giving them the same easy puzzles as the rest of the class. Their experience just tells them the excercise is futile and they just shut down and withdraw instead of subjecting themselves to the stress of trying.
I do have to admit, the guy's been given very difficult crosswords for most of his life. So now I have to be delicate in trying to get him to try working crosswords again.
I agree, and I'm trying, and she DOES try... but years of dealing with the aforementioned on her own as a single mom has largely ground down her stick-to-it-ive-ness in this regard, unfortunately.
Could you maybe guide him along some more positive ways of handling food, meals, or leftovers? Like showing he can freeze it until he wants to use it? Or maybe label dates on the containers so he knows how long it will last?
Or maybe invite him to help with meal prep, so maybe he feels more included?
Some of this feels like parenting, sure, and you could check with your GF on the best approach, but it might help him feel more part of the household instead of just a kid given a room.
Or maybe invite him to help with meal prep, so maybe he feels more included?
Some of this feels like parenting, sure, and you could check with your GF on the best approach, but it might help him feel more part of the household instead of just a kid given a room.
I don't have the exact same deal with my son, but his autism presents itself in the same way a lot of the time, and it is very frustrating when I know he can do a thing he just CAN'T DO THE THING unless I sit there and make sure he does it. Especially because he could do it in a school setting, or when other people expect it of him, but I have to hand hold everything. Sadly I have no advice here, only commiseration.
GasBandit
Staff member
I've tried some similar things to that... but basically, anything that requires any mental effort or concerted memory recall is more or less a hopeless task. "Oh, I forgot" is this kid's mantra for everything. And even if he remembers, there will be times where, like today, he decides he's "not in the mood" for the leftovers he cooked and goes and gets fast food or buys different ingredients at the store. Unfortunately that's a tendency he picked up from his mother - she kind of coddled him and herself reacts to stress by seeking comfort food. And ALL of his income "feels" like it should be disposable income because all his basic needs are met. The bills he can't pay are mostly gas money and the money he owed his mother for car insurance and the money he owed me that I lent him for repairs when his car broke down. That was why it was so galling the other month when he paid for his father to come out a month or two ago, because that was money he should have been repaying his debts with, and instead it was spent on a childish impulse. But again - if I try to confront him about that, he collapses and withdraws.
We delivered an ultimatum to him - he either enrolls in community college this fall, or starts paying rent. I am not looking forward to having to be the bad guy on that, but I know it is coming. Because enrolling requires paying attention to things like timetables, deadlines, and filling out paperwork, and I might as well be asking him to shove glass under his fingernails.
That behaviour definitely needs to be curbed. My old boarder from way back when was like that. Always late with rent, can't afford groceries but could always afford three or four SkiptheDishes delivered McDonalds meals a week. Infuriating. Imagine being like that at 38 fucking years old.
So why didn't you put on some socks?
Can't be tourist spot for german tourist than.
Dude, I wear thick wool socks all year round.
Seriously though, if I can diagnose your toenail fungus from across the isle, don't rest your naked feet of the seats!
That is vile.
Maybe I've read this wrong but he's asking me to verify the facts I've already verified, with citations, right? I'm green here btw. I didn't just decide to write a very dry short fiction work there...
If he wasn't one of our presidents I'd have just screenshotted my original response and sent it back.
If he wasn't one of our presidents I'd have just screenshotted my original response and sent it back.
Last edited:
I do think it was likely something like that but if it was going to be left to me to verify, he is supposed to be the one verifying it to approve it in the first place, I could have just finished this last night.
