Ah, but if I post it publicly anywhere, I can't recycle it next year!
And honestly, it's even halfway decent, so I'd like to use it in-person if possible. On camera performance is... not a strong suit, I learned that 4 years ago.
And honestly, it's even halfway decent, so I'd like to use it in-person if possible. On camera performance is... not a strong suit, I learned that 4 years ago.
My wife's "honey-do" list for me has gotten longer and longer over the past few days as the Christmas season has gotten her more and more frazzled and sick. She chose to take on more tasks and can never say no to family. When she overburdens herself that means I have more stuff to do. I have a winter semester class to teach the day after Christmas. I've been able to get away to work on campus but it's closed for the next few days. I'm trying to get my lectures pre-recorded but that requires me to have at least an uninterrupted hour to myself. That has become nigh impossible.
Today was supposed to be relaxing and I wanted to get a lot of work done today. That didn't happen because the sister-in-law had a medical appointment yesterday that went way longer than expected. Mom-in-law had to babysit the niece and nephew all afternoon and evening. The wife’s car was in the shop and she couldn’t pick up a bunch of items. They’re really not that important but she thinks she needs them or else Christmas will be ruined, ruined, ruined!
The sister-in-law is supposed to host Christmas dinner tomorrow but she changed the menu at the last second because the nephew must have changed his food preferences again. Of course she caved and some of us had to make a special trip to the grocery store and Costco on Christmas Eve. Seriously, strap the kid into his chair already and don’t let him leave the table until he finishes at least half the goddamn plate. He's a good kid but I can’t abide picky eaters.
I couldn't sit down for ten minutes without hearing "can you go pick up some egg nog?" or "I know this is a big ask but ONE more thing..." I finally got back from a round of errands today when I got sent out AGAIN because she forgot more stuff. She said "I forgot you have work. I can get it if you really need me to," but I know that if she can't spend this time wrapping the presents just right then tomorrow will be ruined, ruined, ruined! And guess who is now on the hook for over $100 in gift cards? Now I finally have some quiet time to work but I know it won't last long before I hear a knock on the door of my study. That's not what worries me, though. I can hear myself starting to get short and terse with her, which makes me feel ashamed. I know she's doing this because she wants a memorable Christmas after the miscarriage. Her holiday mania went into overdrive a couple weeks ago after she went to a coworker's baby shower. I'm trying to not get upset with her but it's getting more difficult.
Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?
Today was supposed to be relaxing and I wanted to get a lot of work done today. That didn't happen because the sister-in-law had a medical appointment yesterday that went way longer than expected. Mom-in-law had to babysit the niece and nephew all afternoon and evening. The wife’s car was in the shop and she couldn’t pick up a bunch of items. They’re really not that important but she thinks she needs them or else Christmas will be ruined, ruined, ruined!
The sister-in-law is supposed to host Christmas dinner tomorrow but she changed the menu at the last second because the nephew must have changed his food preferences again. Of course she caved and some of us had to make a special trip to the grocery store and Costco on Christmas Eve. Seriously, strap the kid into his chair already and don’t let him leave the table until he finishes at least half the goddamn plate. He's a good kid but I can’t abide picky eaters.
I couldn't sit down for ten minutes without hearing "can you go pick up some egg nog?" or "I know this is a big ask but ONE more thing..." I finally got back from a round of errands today when I got sent out AGAIN because she forgot more stuff. She said "I forgot you have work. I can get it if you really need me to," but I know that if she can't spend this time wrapping the presents just right then tomorrow will be ruined, ruined, ruined! And guess who is now on the hook for over $100 in gift cards? Now I finally have some quiet time to work but I know it won't last long before I hear a knock on the door of my study. That's not what worries me, though. I can hear myself starting to get short and terse with her, which makes me feel ashamed. I know she's doing this because she wants a memorable Christmas after the miscarriage. Her holiday mania went into overdrive a couple weeks ago after she went to a coworker's baby shower. I'm trying to not get upset with her but it's getting more difficult.
Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?
Dave
Staff member
Wife and I don't usually buy things for each other for Christmas since we are usually strapped for cash and want to still buy for others. I work tomorrow & Thursday and then we were going to pack up both our dogs and drive to Sam's in Wichita. Now, neither dog has ridden in the car more than a time or two for things like vet visits so they FREAK OUT. Five hours of freaking out. Plus her dogs are herding dogs and kind of assholes so we don't know how they'd react to two new bigger dogs suddenly being there. Plus we'd have to take two cars. PLUS it's my change week so starting Friday I am transitioning from day shift to night shift. So I told her I didn't want to go and that I'd stay home to watch the dogs. And she got me & Zach presents.
So now for her Christmas is completely ruined and I'm sitting here wracked with guilt for staying home and not having a family get together while not getting her a gift. I feel like a fucking asshole.
So now for her Christmas is completely ruined and I'm sitting here wracked with guilt for staying home and not having a family get together while not getting her a gift. I feel like a fucking asshole.
It's not my place and all that, but: it's absolutely understandable that you want to help your significant other to make this The Best Christmas Possible, especially after a traumatic experience....But you also have to be able to tell her that, for it to be that, you also need to be able to be there, mentally and emotionally - you also went through a traumatic loss (and I won't go into the "who has it worse" thing because that's a fool's game), and...;work is work. It's OK to say "I really do want to help you out, and I'll be available to pick things up and run all the errands you want, from 1PM to 5PM, but for my own peace of mind, to be able to enjoy the feast, and because of my work responsibilities, I really need 3 hours in the morning and 2 hours in the afternoon uninterrupted to make recordings and do my things. Anything you want me to take care of or help with - it's OK, just write it down and I'll get to it, I promise!".
Obviously you want to be there for her and help her, but you also need to be protective of your own boundaries. Pushing yourself and your own needs/desires (whether emotional or practical) down and ignoring them in favor of hers will come with a cost at some point. It's a balance, obviously - I'm not saying "stick to your own things and let her stew in her own stuff". And it's also obviously too late by now for Christmas :-D but just....bear in mind that while her desires and needs are important, especially in a difficult time, so are yours.