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She sounds like a person will low selfesteem and an unhappy marriage. Unfortiunatly that does not make her a good person. Don't let her build up her ego by leeching of you anymore. She is an emotional vampire. Even if you had ended up together, I think eventually she would have made you miserable and that's not counting all the inevitable cheating.
Don't let this discourage you. You should go out and meet new people. Go sign up for a cooking or pottery class or some other activity you're interested in with group potential.
Don't let this discourage you. You should go out and meet new people. Go sign up for a cooking or pottery class or some other activity you're interested in with group potential.
A
Andromache
Or something veered a bit towards your interests, like: http://www.gk2gk.com/
that's right people, I was hired as a plant for http://www.gk2gk.com/ some seven years ago, before the website existed. I admit it.
that's right people, I was hired as a plant for http://www.gk2gk.com/ some seven years ago, before the website existed. I admit it.
(note to mods - hotlinking allowed for this comic)
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to go out today and tonight and get rejected by 18 girls. You aren't trying to start a relationship, or even set up a date. You are merely starting a conversation.
Go out during lunch - library, restaurant, health club. Go out for dinner. Spend a few hours walking around downtown. Don't be the creepy guy, but smile broadly at everyone you see (even if they don't see you, or are obviously attached, etc) and strike up a conversation with every girl you see that doesn't have a boyfriend with her, regardless of how interesting she appears to you, whether she's your type or not, hot or not, etc.
If you're going to meet your goal of being rejected by 18 girls you're going to have to approach them all.
The rejections will be interesting and entertaining if you frame it right in your mind.
Regardless of how you feel, keep smiling at everyone. You'll get quite a few nice smiles back, which is always enjoyable.
-Adam
Dave
Staff member
I'm just going to go to a (college) girl's basketball game and ask all of the player's at once if any of them want to fuck.
That gets 12 of the 18 out of the way. Yeah, they'll turn me down, but at this point I'm looking for quantity not quality.
If I include the lesbian coaches I can add another 3-4. This is coming together nicely.
That gets 12 of the 18 out of the way. Yeah, they'll turn me down, but at this point I'm looking for quantity not quality.
If I include the lesbian coaches I can add another 3-4. This is coming together nicely.
A
Andromache
He makes a point. toughening up mav's skin a little when it comes to his feelings and giving him more real world experience at small talk will go farther than just sitting in his room relying on his looks.
You might be VERY surprised.
A
Armadillo
Dave
Staff member
You might be VERY surprised.[/QUOTE]
Especially if you find out the name of the bar is the Blue Oyster.
A
Andromache
Have you tried this method?
R
Rubicon
good one.. No what I lack in looks, which is a lot, I have to make up for in charm and humor, which sadly isn't my strong suit in either cause my form of humor is internet humor, kind of hard to explain lolcat to someone who's never seen one. (not to say I use that as a conversational pivot but just an example).
I wish letting go was as easy as some of you keep telling me to do, she's still going to most likely see this guy, some guy i dont even know who yet i'd love to sparta-kick into a big giant endless hole in the ground, yet still goes on and on how she does love me, yadda yadda yadda, apologizes for it all, and ya know, its funny, cause i'd love to reply "well if you did love me you'd get running around behind my back" but im not the angry type in these matters, doormat would be a better term if you had to label one i guess.
i need a drink
A
Andromache
mav, that was actually a shot at gusto. apologies if you thought that was aimed at you
good one.. No what I lack in looks, which is a lot, I have to make up for in charm and humor, which sadly isn't my strong suit in either cause my form of humor is internet humor, kind of hard to explain lolcat to someone who's never seen one. (not to say I use that as a conversational pivot but just an example).
I wish letting go was as easy as some of you keep telling me to do, she's still going to most likely see this guy, some guy i dont even know who yet i'd love to sparta-kick into a big giant endless hole in the ground, yet still goes on and on how she does love me, yadda yadda yadda, apologizes for it all, and ya know, its funny, cause i'd love to reply "well if you did love me you'd get running around behind my back" but im not the angry type in these matters, doormat would be a better term if you had to label one i guess.
i need a drink[/QUOTE]
Move on. All the crappy feelings will reside in time. You know it, I know it. It's just going to suck for a little while. You just need to get through it.
Remember, the dude may or may not even have known she was cheating on the guy she was cheating on the other guy with. She is not a good person and you are miles better for getting away.
The only person to feel sorry for is the kid. That poor kid is going to get the brunt of all this crap.
---------- Post added at 10:03 AM ---------- Previous post was at 10:02 AM ----------
Oh and as to relying on humor, etc? Getting away from lolcat humor is probably a good thing, hence getting offline more.
good one.. No what I lack in looks, which is a lot, I have to make up for in charm and humor, which sadly isn't my strong suit in either cause my form of humor is internet humor, kind of hard to explain lolcat to someone who's never seen one. (not to say I use that as a conversational pivot but just an example).
I wish letting go was as easy as some of you keep telling me to do, she's still going to most likely see this guy, some guy i dont even know who yet i'd love to sparta-kick into a big giant endless hole in the ground, yet still goes on and on how she does love me, yadda yadda yadda, apologizes for it all, and ya know, its funny, cause i'd love to reply "well if you did love me you'd get running around behind my back" but im not the angry type in these matters, doormat would be a better term if you had to label one i guess.
i need a drink[/QUOTE]
Move on. All the crappy feelings will reside in time. You know it, I know it. It's just going to suck for a little while. You just need to get through it.
Remember, the dude may or may not even have known she was cheating on the guy she was cheating on the other guy with. She is not a good person and you are miles better for getting away.
The only person to feel sorry for is the kid. That poor kid is going to get the brunt of all this crap.
---------- Post added at 10:03 AM ---------- Previous post was at 10:02 AM ----------
Oh and as to relying on humor, etc? Getting away from lolcat humor is probably a good thing, hence getting offline more.
[/QUOTE]Or you may watch some stand up comedy on youtube or something.
I've had similar feelings, so I'm going to chime in with some actual useful advice.
First of all, don't hate the guy she's with now. He most likely didn't know of your existence or she told him she didn't feel that way about you. More importantly, HE isn't the one who hurt you. Yes, he has something you want... but he's not the enemy. She is.
Secondly, when she tells you that she does still care about you, she's not lying... but she doesn't have the same definition of "caring" as you do. She cares about getting attention from you... she cares about getting your sympathy... she cares about having a back-up in case things go wrong. You need to understand this: To her, you are a pet, tool, or toy. To her, you are merely the means to get what she wants and then she'll put you right back where she found you. Do not let her do this to you again. If she starts fishing for the old stuff again, cut her off.
Thirdly, you need to realize that's its OK to still care about her. She was a big part of your life for a long time. However, you do need to separate yourself from her or the hurting will never stop. That doesn't necessarily mean that you need to cut yourself off from her completely (though if you can do it, I highly recommend that you do) but you need to limit your contact with her. If she has a blog, stop reading it. If she keeps trying to talk to you all the time, tell her you need some space from her and that you'll talk to her when YOU want to. The less you know about the details of her life, the better off you'll be in the long run. You'll eventually reach a point where it's OK to be around her in short doses or know for sure that you can't. If you can't, tell her your done and walk away.
Finally, my most important piece of advice: When you meet someone else, do not compare how you felt about this woman who wronged you to how you feel about this new person (Unless it's to say "Wow, she is MUCH better than that other bitch.") First love is often very intense and it's not often you will ever feel that way again. Don't think that just because your not full of all consuming passion that this new person isn't as good.
R
Rubicon
Well I did change all my banking information, just so she can't like, steal from me.Amorous Bitch said:
It's like Stockholm Syndrome.. trust me my brain is thinking one thing the rest of me another. I know she most likely won't ever change, once a cheater always a cheater (and no I wasnt the first guy she cheated on her husband with which yea, is an entirely different matter).
She's my kryptonite..and I hate that.
Dave
Staff member
Because he's lonely. His brain is warring with his heart (and penis).
Mav, buddy. Let the brain win. It runs the show for a reason.
He's probably in the same boat I'm in: Compassion. He wants to be there for her if something serious DOES go wrong and feels like a monster for trying to distance himself. He probably believes that she (and all people) can be redeem, without understanding that she doesn't WANT to be redeemed, as she can get everything she wants as she is. Once he starts seeing her making the same mistakes without learning anything, this will get very old, very fast.
R
Rubicon
(I read the other stuff, which I thank you for but this part seemed important)
It ain't my first time at the rodeo, you're right nothing ever compares to the first one, and even she doesn't compare to the first woman i loved years and years and years ago, but she aint the first.
If I had to reduce contact with her as you say, I'd rather just not contact at all. Haven't slept in days, barely eaten, just the thought of them two.. makes me sick to my stomach. But, that is proving to be difficult ;\
Pretty much this.
The only thing about Cold Turkey and not making a final confrontation is you get a problem like I have. "The wondering" as I call it.
Pretty much this.
The only thing about Cold Turkey and not making a final confrontation is you get a problem like I have. "The wondering" as I call it.[/QUOTE]
It's true that it hurts more immediately to do the confrontation, but the benefits are great - get all the anger and hurt out (at least they know how they hurt you), it forces a discontinuation of contact, and it reduces the amount of wondering.
I suspect, though, that even in cases of confrontation one will always wonder. It's the nature of humans, though, to go over past experiences and see if there's a different outcome if you act differently. This can only be overcome by time and filling your life and thoughts with other things.
-Adam
There's a huge dissonance between what seems like the best decision at the time, and what seems like the best decision after a few years of reflection.
Hindsight isn't really 20/20, though. Dwelling on the past is only useful if you can use the experience to guide your future. Otherwise it'll just keep you down.
Live in the present. I've never really looked into it seriously, but I'm told that yoga/meditation/etc are helpful for this sort of thing, if counseling isn't an option or seems to be excessive for infrequent wonderings.
-Adam
R
Rubicon
How is it you can despise and hate someone while at the same time still loving and caring about them? I dont even want to look at her yet at the same time... *sigh*
Life would be simpler if this was a comic book.
Life would be simpler if this was a comic book.
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