Co-parenting with my ex.

[Shawn]

The most satisfying part of today was that Sarah was called out on a lot. Mostly by the minor's council but at least one time in particular by the Judge. Sarah was never directly accused of alienation, but it was certainly implied that could happen if Hailey didn't start answering the calls and going to the visits. The Judge even told her that if Hailey continues to refuse spending time with me that the Judge would have to force a change of custody.

Sarah made a pretty crazy claim today, stating that she has massive PTSD from me because apparently on a nightly basis, after our separation, I was breaking into the house to beat and rape her. It was so bad according to her, that is why John moved into the house: to stop me from doing that. And she was so grateful for him doing that, that she "gifted" him a baby via invitro. She said that in front of Hailey's lawyer, my lawyer, and myself.

Tonight was the first phone call I had with Hailey. It was the first time she and I have talked in 3 months. The minor's council was on the phone with us and managed to get a little bit more interaction out of Hailey than I was capable of. With her lead I was able to get a few "how are things?" questions answered by Hailey. Hailey was trying to end the call fairly early however. She kept saying "I don't feel comfortable. Can I leave now?" a few times. The council was able to stall her a bit for me. It was on the awkward side but it was so wonderful to hear from Hailey again.

 

[Shawn]

This is almost sounding like SLAPP territory.

--Patrick

I do feel like seeking damages is the only way to recover.

 

[Shawn]

First visit with Hailey was last night. I'm still required to do the monitored visits so I paid for a two hour block. We met at a restaurant that she likes.
Hailey avoided eye contact with me. Occasionally she had a nervous smile. I noticed her fidgeting with the napkins and chopsticks so I provided her a coloring book and markers which let her focus the energy into something creative. I asked a lot of questions about school, soccer, her hobbies. I only received quick answers between 1-3 words each and at a voice level so quiet I had to ask for her to repeat a lot. I pulled out our riddle book, which she absolutely enjoyed doing with me four months ago. If I asked her a riddle she knew the answer to she'd quickly say it without emotion. If she didn't know it she'd just say "I don't know" without even thinking about it or ask for hints like she would used to.
About 30 minutes in she asked to go to the bathroom. The monitor left with her. About five minutes later they came back and the monitor said that Hailey really wanted to go home and asked if she had my permission. I said "ok" and let them head out. Right before they left I told Hailey that I loved her and that I was really really trying to fix our relationship. She nodded and left.

I feel like I'm at a huge disadvantage with Hailey. Regardless of any progress I make I still have to contend with Sarah souring my relationship on the other end. I don't even feel I can properly defend myself against claims of her mother that Hailey repeats because I'm not allowed to say her mother is just lying to her. Even the monitored visits makes me feel confined, and I'm sure it's not making Hailey any more comfortable either. I don't know what's ok for me to say. I feel like I just need to dance around our actual problems as if we can move on without them being addressed properly. And then how would address them like I'm not just dismissing her concerns? I'm in no way perfect but the list of things Hailey "remembers" from back when she was three-four years old are pretty exaggeratingly detailed for distant memories.

I'm hopeful the therapy, when it starts, will be better. It might take a few weeks for that to happen though, as her therapist wants to ease her into those sessions first. I don't know what they will entail but I hope Hailey and I can at least talk about how we can move forward.

Meanwhile, I'm quickly leaching through the loans I've taken because someone made the determination that I should have to pay to see and fix things with my daughter.