Granted! However, a freak lab accident destroys the inhibitor chip that was giving you complete control over the arms. The advanced A.I.s in the tentacles began influencing your thoughts and actions, turning you into an insane criminal.
GRANTED! However right after you get said healing factor you get decapitated by the Muramasa blade, and your head is buried 500,000 miles underground, on unnamed planet, in an unknown dimension. And it was your first issue too!
GRANTED! However it is too fast for you to keep up with, causing you to go into shock because of the speed. You end up becoming fearful of all advancements of technology, and become a hermit.
Granted. He only goes after people that those you care about care about. Soon everyone leaves you alone, knowing that their friends and family will be killed should they get close to you.
Granted. However after being self-sufficient for a while it also becomes self-aware, and gets rid of all things it finds useless which includes us.
Granted! However, you receive no super powers. In your first battle against a super villain, despite your team mates' best efforts to protect you, you are slain.
GRANTED! However it is so awesome that it overshadows someone with a slightly less awesome name. That person becomes vengeful, and takes revenge on you by breaking all your things! And then your legs! And your arms! And he writes you a nasty letter! Not a nice man.
Granted, however Rupert Murdoch had a stake in every porn company on the internet and they all go under too leaving the internet with no porn.
Granted. Using a time machine the director went back and fed himself notes that end up ruining the show. Rather than being cancelled because it was awesome, it was cancelled because it sucked.
GRANTED! However the areas of the world where safe water isn't readily available still have problems. Really should've phrased that better.
GRANTED! However it is right after you fell off a boat, and you only see the whale as it swallows you whole.
Granted, but its a Majikarp that can never evolve nor learn any moves. Also from what I've heard, he probably wouldn't taste very good.
GRANTED! However you the "spot" is a physical location where you have to stand in order to make snappy come-backs. And if you ever leave you become as witty as a jar of peanut butter. Also the spot is out-side, and there be all sorts of snakes.
Granted! And they even take out a restraining order against Uwe Boll to prevent him directing the movie adaptation. Unfortunately, Ang Lee gets his hands on the movie version, turning it into an angsty humorless drama about the relationship between Strong Bad and his father. Keanu Reeves plays Strong Bad.
Granted, it even regenerates after every time you eat it! But you become obsessed with it, it is the only thing you live for, and the only thing you eat. Your body needs other nutrients but you are so full of carbohydrates you just become a gigantic slob.
Granted! The cure exists, but you never get around to taking it.
.... granted. You are then arrested and sentenced for murder.
GRANTED! However this wish goes back in time and fixes Gared's brakes, causing him to not post on this thread, causing him to not make you wish for Gared's brakes to be fixed. So basically he's stuck in the same situation as before. Paradoxes, what can you do?
Frank's buyout of all THQ stock goes smoothly and he becomes sole owner of THQ. He reshapes the company to make police simulation software while also producing games. Thanks to the lucrative government funding, THQ prospers, with both its simulation software division and its games division dominating their respective markets. The simulation software does so well, however, and the police forces become incredibly efficient and increasingly brutal, infringing on civil rights with near-total impunity. The public's resistance is flimsy at best, in part due to fear, and in part because everyone's having too much fun playing Saints Row 12: Johnny and Aisha Get Married. Eventually the police conduct a bloodless coup and turn America into a totalitarian police state. Future generations remember THQ, and Frank in particular, as the catalyst for the death of democracy in America.
GRANTED! However every time you turn it off, you go into a coma! Yet another incredibly inconvenient mutant power, thanks Marvel!
GRANTED! However you are only an expert programmer of Furbies, which as we all know will stop being popular after a year or two. Because seriously, they are creepy as fuck.
