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Corrupt a wish foundation

Nov 8, 2012#1

Yoshimickster

That's right folks, the classic forum game as old as time itself has come to Halforums! YOU CANNOT ESCAPE! Just wish for something and the next poster corrupts it. I'll start-

I wish for a million dollars.

Nov 8, 2012#2

Jay

Isn't there a game forum for these threads?

Nov 8, 2012#3

Yoshimickster

Jay said:
Isn't there a game forum for these threads?

...what? I thought that was for- GAH I'M CONFUSED!

Nov 8, 2012#4

drifter

I believe he's referencing the now-defunct subforum for Thread Games such as this. As I recall it, the idea got nuked because Dave couldn't get it working the way he wanted.

Nov 8, 2012#5

HCGLNS

Yoshimickster said:
That's right folks, the classic forum game as old as time itself has come to Halforums! YOU CANNOT ESCAPE! Just wish for something and the next poster corrupts it. I'll start-

I wish for a million dollars.

Granted, you receive it in a lump sum of only pennies all at once after it falls out of an aeroplane.

I wish for a steak, medium rare served by Selma Hayek.

Nov 8, 2012#6

sixpackshaker

HCGLNS said:
Granted, you receive it in a lump sum of only pennies all at once after it falls out of an aeroplane.

I wish for a steak, medium rare served by Selma Hayek.

You get an under cooked tuna steak served by the Vampire from From Dusk Till Dawn.

I wish to be a scratch golfer.

Nov 8, 2012#7

Yoshimickster

sixpackshaker said:
You get an under cooked tuna steak served by the Vampire from From Dusk Till Dawn.

I wish to be a scratch golfer.

Granted, you turn into a super-intelligent cat who becomes less funny and evil the more he appears...and also golfs.

I wish for the best beer ever made.

Nov 8, 2012#8

ThatNickGuy

Yoshimickster said:
Granted, you turn into a super-intelligent cat who becomes less funny and evil the more he appears...and also golfs.

I wish for the best beer ever made.

Done. But sadly, you're so excited to drink it that by the time you muster the courage, it's become warm and flat.

I wish to be a ridiculously successful author.

Nov 8, 2012#9

Cajungal

ThatNickGuy said:
Done. But sadly, you're so excited to drink it that by the time you muster the courage, it's become warm and flat.

I wish to be a ridiculously successful author.

Granted, but you hit it big writing Fifty Shades of Gray fanfiction that becomes its own book. That's right. Fanfiction about fanfiction.

I want a free trip around the world!

Nov 8, 2012#10

Yoshimickster

Cajungal said:
Granted, but you hit it big writing Fifty Shades of Gray fanfiction that becomes its own book. That's right. Fanfiction about fanfiction.

I want a free trip around the world!

Granted, however you only went once at such a high speed that you didn't notice you left. Also you probably died from moving that fast counting friction and all that.

I wish for an Xbox360.

Nov 8, 2012#11

Cheesy1

Granted, but it will ONLY play Kinect games.

I wish I was little bit taller.

Nov 8, 2012#12

bhamv3

Cheesy1 said:
Granted, but it will ONLY play Kinect games.

I wish I was little bit taller.

You grow a huge tumor on your scalp.

I wish I was smarter.

Nov 8, 2012#13

Yoshimickster

bhamv3 said:
You grow a huge tumor on your scalp.

I wish I was smarter.

Granted, but just as you gained super intelligence the Catholic Church JUST restarted the inquisition. And guess who finds proof that god doesn't exist?

I wish I had a turtle's shell.

Nov 9, 2012#14

LittleSin

Granted! However the proportional weight of the shell means that you can't move and are slowly being crushed.

I wish for telekinesis.

Nov 9, 2012#15

strawman

Granted! But the telekinesis only has a range within three centimeters from your brain stem, and you spend the rest of your life concentrating on not accidentally rearranging your brain matter.

I wish amazon.com gave me a 35% discount on every purchase.

Nov 9, 2012#16

David

Granted, but UPS will screw up every shipment and you will never see your purchases.

I wish I had stuck with piano lessons when I was younger and could play it expertly now.

Nov 9, 2012#17

bhamv3

David said:
Granted, but UPS will screw up every shipment and you will never see your purchases.

I wish I had stuck with piano lessons when I was younger and could play it expertly now.

Granted, but it was due to you suffering a horrific accident that led to the lower half of your body being amputated. You continued the piano lessons because, well, it's not like you can take tapdancing lessons now.

I wish I could have more wishes.

Nov 9, 2012#18

sixpackshaker

bhamv3 said:
Granted, but it was due to you suffering a horrific accident that led to the lower half of your body being amputated. You continued the piano lessons because, well, it's not like you can take tapdancing lessons now.

I wish I could have more wishes.

Granted, but they are just run of the mill wishful thinking and get you nothing.

I wish I were an Astronaut.

Nov 9, 2012#19

Yoshimickster

sixpackshaker said:
Granted, but they are just run of the mill wishful thinking and get you nothing.

I wish I were an Astronaut.

Granted, but bringing back the space program brings America into a new Economic Recession. You are despised, people throw eggs at you house, until one day you can't take it anymore. You tell the launch crew to start the rockets telling that you are in the rocket...but in reality you are under it. As the engines fire, you are cleansed from this world with rocket fire, never to be seen again.

I wish for a puppy!

Nov 9, 2012#20

Emrys

Yoshimickster said:
I wish for a puppy!

You get Cujo.

I want more doomweasels.

Nov 9, 2012#21

Yoshimickster

Emrys said:
You get Cujo.

I want more doomweasels.

Granted, but you get so many that they overtake your house, neighborhood, and flood the world into a Doom Weasel apocalypse with no leader.

I wish they made a Mario game where they explain where the hell the Koopalings came from.

Nov 9, 2012#22

bhamv3

Yoshimickster said:
Granted, but you get so many that they overtake your house, neighborhood, and flood the world into a Doom Weasel apocalypse with no leader.

I wish they made a Mario game where they explain where the hell the Koopalings came from.

Granted. While I don't want to post the spoilers here, the game is written by Warren Spector and goes into great detail about the origins of Koopalings, along with many other mysteries in the Mario universe. The game receives critical acclaim, winning every single Game of the Year award, as well as several Best Game of All Time awards. It sells like hotcakes, breaking records and spawning a series of copycat games (much like every shooter these days is a clone of Call of Duty / Battlefield etc), all of which are decent, though not as overwhelmingly good as the original. In effect, this one single game reshapes the gaming landscape forever.

And then the movie adaptation is directed by Uwe Boll.

I wish I could sleep with an incredibly beautiful woman.

Nov 9, 2012#23

Cajungal

bhamv3 said:
I wish I could sleep with an incredibly beautiful woman.

Granted. Your life becomes the inspiration for a Fatal Attraction remake.

I wish I had more time to bake bread.

Nov 9, 2012#24

Yoshimickster

Cajungal said:
Granted. Your life becomes the inspiration for a Fatal Attraction remake.

I wish I had more time to bake bread.

Granted, welcome to white-collar prison!

I wish this game download didn't take so long.

Nov 9, 2012#25

Cajungal

Yoshimickster said:
Granted, welcome to white-collar prison!

I wish this game download didn't take so long.

GRANTED! It turns out to be a video game version of The Ring.

I wish I had a pet pig.

Nov 9, 2012#26

Yoshimickster

Cajungal said:
GRANTED! It turns out to be a video game version of The Ring.

I wish I had a pet pig.

GRANTED! Its Pigma Dengar, and he sells you to an evil monkey brain monster.

I wish for a cup that could magically fill up with any drink I wish.

Nov 9, 2012#27

CrimsonSoul

Yoshimickster said:
GRANTED! Its Pigma Dengar, and he sells you to an evil monkey brain monster.

I wish for a cup that could magically fill up with any drink I wish.

Granted but it takes 1000 years for the cup to fill up half way and by that time it probably got your order wrong as well.

I wish to be able to seduce any woman I want

Nov 9, 2012#28

bhamv3

CrimsonSoul said:
Granted but it takes 1000 years for the cup to fill up half way and by that time it probably got your order wrong as well.

I wish to be able to seduce any woman I want

Granted, but immediately afterwards all the women in the world die off of a virulent and oddly gender-specific plague.

I wish my computer was better, so I could play newer games.

Nov 9, 2012#29

Yoshimickster

bhamv3 said:
Granted, but immediately afterwards all the women in the world die off of a virulent and oddly gender-specific plague.

I wish my computer was better, so I could play newer games.

Granted, but the only new games you can play are Call of Duty Sequels. And you can ONLY play multiplayer, the worst online experience ever made.

I wish I had an adamantium spine.

Nov 9, 2012#30

bhamv3

Yoshimickster said:
Granted, but the only new games you can play are Call of Duty Sequels. And you can ONLY play multiplayer, the worst online experience ever made.

I wish I had an adamantium spine.

Granted, but adamantium is toxic, and you don't have a healing factor, so you die an agonizing death soon afterwards. (This one came pre-corrupted!)

I wish I knew more languages.

Nov 9, 2012#31

sixpackshaker

bhamv3 said:
Granted, but adamantium is toxic, and you don't have a healing factor, so you die an agonizing death soon afterwards. (This one came pre-corrupted!)

I wish I knew more languages.

You learn Klingon, French and two other made up languages.

I wish to be immortal.

Nov 9, 2012#32

CrimsonSoul

sixpackshaker said:
You learn Klingon, French and two other made up languages.

I wish to be immortal.

Granted. You are then drafted into the space program where your mission goes terribly wrong and your space ship combusts leaving you stranded in space forever alone.

I wish that owned halforums

Nov 9, 2012#33

Yoshimickster

CrimsonSoul said:
Granted. You are then drafted into the space program where your mission goes terribly wrong and your space ship combusts leaving you stranded in space forever alone.

I wish that owned halforums

Granted, the group known as "Temporal Headquarts of Adament Tromboune-players" now owns Halforums. And then they kill you with a silly song. SAM AND MAX!

I wish I had psychic powers.

Nov 9, 2012#34

HCGLNS

Yoshimickster said:
Granted, the group known as "Temporal Headquarts of Adament Tromboune-players" now owns Halforums. And then they kill you with a silly song. SAM AND MAX!

I wish I had psychic powers.

Granted you now can communicate with crickets via telepathy.

I wish everyone one on earth had a Nickleback song stuck in their head forever.

Nov 9, 2012#35

Gusto

HCGLNS said:
Granted you now can communicate with crickets via telepathy.

I wish everyone one on earth had a Nickleback song stuck in their head forever.

Granted! It's 2002 again.

I wish for a higher capacity iPod!

Nov 9, 2012#36

bhamv3

Gusto said:
Granted! It's 2002 again.

I wish for a higher capacity iPod!

Granted, but it only plays Nickelback songs. A lot of them, though.

I wish I could eat all I want without getting fat.

Nov 9, 2012#37

Gusto

bhamv3 said:
Granted, but it only plays Nickelback songs. A lot of them, though.

I wish I could eat all I want without getting fat.

GRANTED! You become incredibly dense, pressure builds in your insides, and you are immolated as a result of the fusion.

I wish there was no Nickelback.

Nov 9, 2012#38

HCGLNS

Gusto said:
GRANTED! You become incredibly dense, pressure builds in your insides, and you are immolated as a result of the fusion.

I wish there was no Nickelback.

Granted! There is now only Celine Dion.

I wish for Gusto to get lucky tonight!

Nov 9, 2012#39

Yoshimickster

HCGLNS said:
Granted! There is now only Celine Dion.

I wish for Gusto to get lucky tonight!

GRANTED! He finds a penny. That is pretty lucky I guess.

I wish I could shoot energy blasts.

Nov 9, 2012#40

CrimsonSoul

Yoshimickster said:
GRANTED! He finds a penny. That is pretty lucky I guess.

I wish I could shoot energy blasts.

Granted. You are now Jubilee

I wish that the song Isn't It Ironic actually used irony

Nov 10, 2012#41

mikerc

Granted, the word Irony has it's meaning changed so Isn't It Ironic is now about irony. Lots of other words also have their meanings changed according to misunderstandings. Inflammable things no longer burn.

I wish I was good at sports.

Nov 10, 2012#42

Yoshimickster

mroosc1979 said:
Granted, the word Irony has it's meaning changed so Isn't It Ironic is now about irony. Lots of other words also have their meanings changed according to misunderstandings. Inflammable things no longer burn.

I wish I was good at sports.

Granted, but your only good at EA sports. Also their the only thing you can play.

I wish for garlic chicken.

Nov 10, 2012#43

David

Granted, but not before you are turned into a vampire. The instant your tongue makes contact with the garlic, you burst into flame. As you are disintegrated, your last, dying thoughts are "it was a little on the dry side."

I wish for world peace.

Nov 10, 2012#44

HCGLNS

David said:
Granted, but not before you are turned into a vampire. The instant your tongue makes contact with the garlic, you burst into flame. As you are disintegrated, your last, dying thoughts are "it was a little on the dry side."

I wish for world peace.

Granted! You are now holding in your arms a very surly and confused NBA player.

I wish for Dave Nihsen to sing the song that never ends.

Nov 10, 2012#45

Yoshimickster

HCGLNS said:
Granted! You are now holding in your arms a very surly and confused NBA player.

I wish for Dave Nihsen to sing the song that never ends.

Granted! It ends after 4 minutes. DID THAT BLOW YOUR MIND?!

I wish I had fire burps.

Nov 11, 2012#46

bhamv3

Yoshimickster said:
Granted! It ends after 4 minutes. DID THAT BLOW YOUR MIND?!

I wish I had fire burps.

Granted! You now have the ability to belch flame after eating Trinidad Moruga Scorpion peppers. The downside, of course, is that you have to eat Trinidad Moruga Scorpion peppers, which, at 2 million on the Scoville Scale, are the hottest peppers currently known to man.

I wish I had a mutant healing factor.

Nov 11, 2012#47

Cheesy1

Granted! You can now heal mutants!
. . . Hope that somehow comes in handy at some point . . .

I wish I could create a large portal to anywhere I want at will.

Nov 11, 2012#48

bhamv3

Cheesy1 said:
Granted! You can now heal mutants!
. . . Hope that somehow comes in handy at some point . . .

I wish I could create a large portal to anywhere I want at will.

Granted! However, any baked goods you may have been promised at the end will turn out to be untruths.

(Version 2: Granted! However, the portal passes through Hell, so you'll need to bring your shotgun every time you want to go through it)

I wish we were visited by peaceful, benevolent aliens.

Nov 11, 2012#49

Yoshimickster

bhamv3 said:
Granted! However, any baked goods you may have been promised at the end will turn out to be untruths.

(Version 2: Granted! However, the portal passes through Hell, so you'll need to bring your shotgun every time you want to go through it)

I wish we were visited by peaceful, benevolent aliens.

Granted...in 1947 Roswell New Mexico! They did not survive the crash.

I wish they survived the crash!

Nov 11, 2012#50

Zappit

Yoshimickster said:
Granted...in 1947 Roswell New Mexico! They did not survive the crash.

I wish they survived the crash!

Granted. They survive, but the experience of the military's treatment and the trauma change them from benevolent visitors to bitter, angry young aliens who leave Earth only to return with a war fleet that annihilates all life.

I wish I was telekinetic,

Nov 11, 2012#51

Yoshimickster

Zappit said:
Granted. They survive, but the experience of the military's treatment and the trauma change them from benevolent visitors to bitter, angry young aliens who leave Earth only to return with a war fleet that annihilates all life.

I wish I was telekinetic,

Granted! Tactile telekinesis! THE DUMBEST TELEKINESIS OF ALL! Also you can only lift up to .0000000000000000000000000000000001 extra pounds so not that noticeable.

I wish I could eat anything.

Nov 11, 2012#52

Zappit

Yoshimickster said:
Granted! Tactile telekinesis! THE DUMBEST TELEKINESIS OF ALL! Also you can only lift up to .0000000000000000000000000000000001 extra pounds so not that noticeable.

I wish I could eat anything.

Granted. However, you develop a taste for some pretty unspeakable stuff, and foods that once have you joy no longer hold the same kind of thrill...in fact, you find those tastes rather vile.

I wish that every time Sean Hannity speaks in front of a camera, flies come pouring out of his mouth.

Nov 11, 2012#53

bhamv3

Zappit said:
Granted. However, you develop a taste for some pretty unspeakable stuff, and foods that once have you joy no longer hold the same kind of thrill...in fact, you find those tastes rather vile.

I wish that every time Sean Hannity speaks in front of a camera, flies come pouring out of his mouth.

Granted! The infinite flies are harvested as a source of protein, creating an eternal source of cheap food and ending world hunger. Unfortunately, the cheapness and prevalence of the Soylent Flies means that almost every food product on the market contains at least some of it. Which makes it impossible to avoid eating flies that have been in Sean Hannity's mouth.

I wish for a photographic / eidetic memory

Nov 11, 2012#54

Yoshimickster

bhamv3 said:
Granted! The infinite flies are harvested as a source of protein, creating an eternal source of cheap food and ending world hunger. Unfortunately, the cheapness and prevalence of the Soylent Flies means that almost every food product on the market contains at least some of it. Which makes it impossible to avoid eating flies that have been in Sean Hannity's mouth.

I wish for a photographic / eidetic memory

Granted, however you get the "Task master" kind of photographic memory where every time you learn something new you forget something old. Possible bisexual daughter not included.

I wish for a missile launcher.

Nov 12, 2012#55

sixpackshaker

Yoshimickster said:
Granted, however you get the "Task master" kind of photographic memory where every time you learn something new you forget something old. Possible bisexual daughter not included.

I wish for a missile launcher.

Granted, you hear a helicopter on the horizon, then realize that Seal Team Six is coming to get it back.

I wish I was the most famous person in the world.

Nov 12, 2012#56

strawman

sixpackshaker said:
Granted, you hear a helicopter on the horizon, then realize that Seal Team Six is coming to get it back.

I wish I was the most famous person in the world.

Granted. You realize, however, that your network of friends is grossly inadequate as the global manhunt for your head proves to be trivial, and your body is dumped into the sea shortly after becoming famous.

I wish for a long and prosperous future for halforums and all its members.

Nov 12, 2012#57

Yoshimickster

stienman said:
Granted. You realize, however, that your network of friends is grossly inadequate as the global manhunt for your head proves to be trivial, and your body is dumped into the sea shortly after becoming famous.

I wish for a long and prosperous future for halforums and all its members.

Granted, but we all become so famous that we go in way over our heads and go on giant drug benders lose all our fame and die at the hands of a man named Tito in Bangkok.

I wish I had a magic tattoo.

Nov 12, 2012#58

Zappit

Yoshimickster said:
Granted, but we all become so famous that we go in way over our heads and go on giant drug benders lose all our fame and die at the hands of a man named Tito in Bangkok.

I wish I had a magic tattoo.

Granted. Your tattoo sexually harasses women with crude comments, and nobody believes your tattoo talks, costing you jobs and friendships.

I wish I could control the weather.

Nov 12, 2012#59

Yoshimickster

Zappit said:
Granted. Your tattoo sexually harasses women with crude comments, and nobody believes your tattoo talks, costing you jobs and friendships.

I wish I could control the weather.

Granted, however you can only control weather with-in one inch of you. And since clouds are like- WAY up in the sky you can't do much.

I wish I knew monkey kung-fu.

Nov 12, 2012#60

sixpackshaker

Yoshimickster said:
Granted, but we all become so famous that we go in way over our heads and go on giant drug benders lose all our fame and die at the hands of a man named Tito in Bangkok.

I wish I had a magic tattoo.

Granted, in fact, your whole body is an intricate pattern of magic tattoos. Then the Sartan ban you to the Labyrinth.

I wish I had the Millennium Falcon.

Nov 12, 2012#61

Yoshimickster

sixpackshaker said:
Granted, in fact, your whole body is an intricate pattern of magic tattoos. Then the Sartan ban you to the Labyrinth.

I wish I had the Millennium Falcon.

Granted, but your also the ships computer. THE MOST UNDERRATED AND UNDERAPPRECIATED STAR WARS CHARACTER EVER!

I wish I was an orc.

Nov 12, 2012#62

DarkAudit

Yoshimickster said:
Granted, but your also the ships computer. THE MOST UNDERRATED AND UNDERAPPRECIATED STAR WARS CHARACTER EVER!

I wish I was an orc.

Granted. You're Horace from Dark Legacy Comics. Enjoy getting ganked every 30 seconds.

I wish the NHL lockout would end. NOW.

Nov 12, 2012#63

Zappit

DarkAudit said:
Granted. You're Horace from Dark Legacy Comics. Enjoy getting ganked every 30 seconds.

I wish the NHL lockout would end. NOW.

Granted, but all the players are locked into their European contracts, essentially turning the NHL into the AHL for the rest of the season. Then the officials get locked out.

I wish Michael Bay wasn't in charge of the Transformers movies anymore.

Nov 12, 2012#64

Yoshimickster

Zappit said:
Granted, but all the players are locked into their European contracts, essentially turning the NHL into the AHL for the rest of the season. Then the officials get locked out.

I wish Michael Bay wasn't in charge of the Transformers movies anymore.

Granted. Now Uwe Boll is in charge.

I wish my chili would be done soon.

Nov 12, 2012#65

sixpackshaker

Yoshimickster said:
Granted. Now Uwe Boll is in charge.

I wish my chili would be done soon.

Granted your chili is done, but because you did not cook it low and slow, it tastes like carp.

I wish I was better at picking up chicks.

Nov 12, 2012#66

Yoshimickster

sixpackshaker said:
Granted your chili is done, but because you did not cook it low and slow, it tastes like carp.

I wish I was better at picking up chicks.

Granted, you are now a chicken farmer. BUT- if you were hoping for that literally, than everytime yo pick up a chick it turns to stone. Though your still good at picking them up though.

I wish I had a car again.

Nov 12, 2012#67

Zappit

Yoshimickster said:
Granted, you are now a chicken farmer. BUT- if you were hoping for that literally, than everytime yo pick up a chick it turns to stone. Though your still good at picking them up though.

I wish I had a car again.

Granted. It's a Gremlin.

I wish that at least one of my webcomics would get a bigger devoted audience - a non-perverted audience.

Nov 12, 2012#68

Cheesy1

Granted! Your comics get such a following that after your death a religion forms around them. Soon you are worshiped as a deity, and massive wars with millions of deaths are fought in your name.

I wish for an end to all wars forever.

Nov 12, 2012#69

Yoshimickster

Cheesy1 said:
Granted! Your comics get such a following that after your death a religion forms around them. Soon you are worshiped as a deity, and massive wars with millions of deaths are fought in your name.

I wish for an end to all wars forever.

GRANTED! All life ceases to exist.

I wish my leg would stop hurting.

Nov 12, 2012#70

sixpackshaker

Yoshimickster said:
GRANTED! All life ceases to exist.

I wish my leg would stop hurting.

Granted, but after the amputation your leg itches... AND YOU CAN'T SCRATCH THE PHANTOM LIMB!!!

I wish I could retire comfortably.

Nov 12, 2012#71

LordRendar

Yoshimickster said:
GRANTED! All life ceases to exist.

I wish my leg would stop hurting.

Granted,your leg goes numb,necrosis sets in and it needs to be amputated.You turn to drink due to the stress of ghost limb syndrome and spend your days at the park ranting at passing joggers.

I wish I won a Ferrari.

Dammit,got Ninjad[DOUBLEPOST=1352751060][/DOUBLEPOST]

sixpackshaker said:
Granted, but after the amputation your leg itches... AND YOU CAN'T SCRATCH THE PHANTOM LIMB!!!

I wish I could retire comfortably.

Granted,but one day after retirement you get involved in a shootout between an aging and sassy cop,his partner,who is a loose cannon and a group of bankrobbers.You die in the street while a car explodes behind you.

Nov 12, 2012#72

Yoshimickster

LordRendar Granted, but it explodes right after you turn the ignition key.

I wish I was a Maximal.

Nov 12, 2012#73

Zappit

sixpackshaker said:
Granted, but after the amputation your leg itches... AND YOU CAN'T SCRATCH THE PHANTOM LIMB!!!

I wish I could retire comfortably.

Granted. You get a comfy chair, but lack the funds to really enjoy retirement.

Nov 12, 2012#74

GasBandit

Yoshimickster said:
LordRendar Granted, but it explodes right after you turn the ignition key.

I wish I was a Maximal.

Granted, but your bioform is a star-nosed mole and you are so hideous nobody wants anything to do with you.

I wish everything everywhere died immediately and forever.

Nov 12, 2012#75

HCGLNS

GasBandit said:
Granted, but your bioform is a star-nosed mole and you are so hideous nobody wants anything to do with you.

I wish everything everywhere died immediately and forever.

Granted! Everything everywhere dies instantly, unfortunately you learn in the afterlife that the hipsters were right.

I wish for trees to talk.

Nov 12, 2012#76

Yoshimickster

HCGLNS said:
Granted! Everything everywhere dies instantly, unfortunately you learn in the afterlife that the hipsters were right.

I wish for trees to talk.

Granted! They have nothing to say. Trees are boring.

I wish I had more time on my hands.

Nov 12, 2012#77

Cheesy1

Granted! You now are the Guinness World Record holder for being able to wear the most clock rings on your fingers at once. You now are booked by tabloid television shows around the world, leaving you absolutely no free time for yourself.

I wish all nuclear weapons disappeared and that no new ones were ever made again.

Nov 12, 2012#78

GasBandit

Cheesy1 said:
Granted! You now are the Guinness World Record holder for being able to wear the most clock rings on your fingers at once. You now are booked by tabloid television shows around the world, leaving you absolutely no free time for yourself.

I wish all nuclear weapons disappeared and that no new ones were ever made again.

Done. Humanity wipes itself out with bioengineered weapons that cause a mass pandemic, and the earth is left unpopulated and barren. The unmaintained nuclear weapons eventually cease to function properly and decay, forgotten, beneath the ever-piling rubble of humanity's forgotten past.

I wish Hot Dogs and Buns came in the same number per package.

Nov 12, 2012#79

Yoshimickster

GasBandit said:
Done. Humanity wipes itself out with bioengineered weapons that cause a mass pandemic, and the earth is left unpopulated and barren. The unmaintained nuclear weapons eventually cease to function properly and decay, forgotten, beneath the ever-piling rubble of humanity's forgotten past.

I wish Hot Dogs and Buns came in the same number per package.

Granted! But the quality of both the meat and the bread is degraded and tastes awful.

I wish I had spaghetti.

Nov 12, 2012#80

LordRendar

Yoshimickster said:
Granted! But the quality of both the meat and the bread is degraded and tastes awful.

I wish I had spaghetti.

Granted,but you overcooked it and now its all goopy and soft.

I wish for a lapdance from Scarlet Johansonn.

Nov 12, 2012#81

GasBandit

Yoshimickster said:
Granted! But the quality of both the meat and the bread is degraded and tastes awful.

I wish I had spaghetti.

Done. You enjoy your spaghetti until something funny on TV makes you laugh so hard that noodles and meat shoot up into your olfactory and come out your nose. You gag and flail, staggering backwards over your chair and smash into the stove, knocking a pot of boiling vegetable oil over onto your mother, whose screams will haunt you for the rest of her life after she dies in the burn ward.[DOUBLEPOST=1352763639][/DOUBLEPOST]

LordRendar said:
Granted,but you overcooked it and now its all goopy and soft.

I wish for a lapdance from Scarlet Johansonn.

Done. Since the celebrity's name is actually spelled "Johansson," you get a lap dance from a very disreputable drag queen SJ impersonator. The itching won't go away afterwards.

I wish wishes never came true.

Nov 12, 2012#82

Yoshimickster

GasBandit said:
Done. You enjoy your spaghetti until something funny on TV makes you laugh so hard that noodles and meat shoot up into your olfactory and come out your nose. You gag and flail, staggering backwards over your chair and smash into the stove, knocking a pot of boiling vegetable oil over onto your mother, whose screams will haunt you for the rest of her life after she dies in the burn ward.[DOUBLEPOST=1352763639][/DOUBLEPOST]
Done. Since the celebrity's name is actually spelled "Johansson," you get a lap dance from a very disreputable drag queen SJ impersonator. The itching won't go away afterwards.

I wish wishes never came true.

Granted! Everyone's wishes but yours though. And everyone found out. AND EVERYONE IS EATING YOUR FLESH OUT OF VENGEANCE! FLESH!

I wish for unrealistic stories to be cool again.

Nov 12, 2012#83

bhamv3

Yoshimickster said:
Granted! Everyone's wishes but yours though. And everyone found out. AND EVERYONE IS EATING YOUR FLESH OUT OF VENGEANCE! FLESH!

I wish for unrealistic stories to be cool again.

Done. Twilight is a bestseller.

I wish my female coworkers would dress is more revealing clothing. Males too, I guess, out of fairness.

Nov 12, 2012#84

Yoshimickster

bhamv3 said:
Done. Twilight is a bestseller.

I wish my female coworkers would dress is more revealing clothing. Males too, I guess, out of fairness.

Granted. However their clothing reveals their vital organs and you will have to look at your co-workers digesting things all day. It be nasty.

I wish I could control my psychic powers. I have them all ready, I just wish I could control them.

Nov 13, 2012#85

bhamv3

Yoshimickster said:
Granted. However their clothing reveals their vital organs and you will have to look at your co-workers digesting things all day. It be nasty.

I wish I could control my psychic powers. I have them all ready, I just wish I could control them.

Granted. Government agents try to track you down, to weaponize you. Oh you can sense them coming, and your psychic powers means you can turn their brains to jelly as fast as they can come, but it does get really tedious.

I wish I didn't have to work such long hours, while still keeping my job.

Nov 13, 2012#86

DarkAudit

Granted. You now work just one minute a week, with a minimum wage paycheck.

I wish for an end to all "alt" uniforms in sports. Just HOME and AWAY.

Nov 13, 2012#87

Yoshimickster

DarkAudit said:
Granted. You now work just one minute a week, with a minimum wage paycheck.

I wish for an end to all "alt" uniforms in sports. Just HOME and AWAY.

Granted. However the new Home and Away uniforms are unnecessarily tight and the cameras zoom in on them- ALL THE TIME!

I wish I had a pet robot.

Nov 13, 2012#88

sixpackshaker

Yoshimickster said:
Granted. However the new Home and Away uniforms are unnecessarily tight and the cameras zoom in on them- ALL THE TIME!

I wish I had a pet robot.

Granted, but the "pet" is not properly socialized and humps the legs of your guests and spills hydrolic fluid all over the floor hourly... until it gets to the point that you have him put down.[DOUBLEPOST=1352820441][/DOUBLEPOST]I wish for whirled peas.

Nov 13, 2012#89

Yoshimickster

sixpackshaker said:
Granted, but the "pet" is not properly socialized and humps the legs of your guests and spills hydrolic fluid all over the floor hourly... until it gets to the point that you have him put down.[DOUBLEPOST=1352820441][/DOUBLEPOST]I wish for whirled peas.

GRANTED! But you get bored with the game after five minutes and stuff it into your closet. Such is the fate of all board games.

I wish for a photon gun.

Nov 13, 2012#90

strawman

Yoshimickster said:
GRANTED! But you get bored with the game after five minutes and stuff it into your closet. Such is the fate of all board games.

I wish for a photon gun.

You receive a flashlight for your next birthday.

I wish I did not become ill so easily.

Nov 13, 2012#91

Yoshimickster

stienman said:
You receive a flashlight for your next birthday.

I wish I did not become ill so easily.

GRANTED! However with your increased immune system you live longer than everyone else. All your friends and family die before you, leaving you old, alone, and forgotten.

I wish for Cyclops of the X-men to stop being a friggin' dick all the time.

Nov 13, 2012#92

Hylian

stienman said:
I wish I did not become ill so easily.

Granted!

You now are impervious to all diseases and any type of aging for your cells and bodily organs. You will now never age and you will slowly watch your family and friends all perish. And as the eons pass you by your perception of time will change. You will have lived for so long that 100 years will seem as short as a month does to you now. Because of this you will never be able to properly form friendships of any sort with mankind or anything because their life will be but a blink of your eyes. You will skip across time watching things change but being unable to have any sort of long lasting affect to anything.

I wish I was more outgoing so I could make more friends.

Nov 13, 2012#93

Yoshimickster

Hylian said:
Granted!

You now are impervious to all diseases and any type of aging for your cells and bodily organs. You will now never age and you will slowly watch your family and friends all perish. And as the eons pass you by your perception of time will change. You will have lived for so long that 100 years will seem as short as a month does to you now. Because of this you will never be able to properly form friendships of any sort with mankind or anything because their life will be but a blink of your eyes. You will skip across time watching things change but being unable to have any sort of long lasting affect to anything.

I wish I was more outgoing so I could make more friends.

Granted, but the friends you make turn out to be vampires and eat you!

I wish I didn't procrastinate as much.

Nov 13, 2012#94

GasBandit

Yoshimickster said:
Granted, but the friends you make turn out to be vampires and eat you!

I wish I didn't procrastinate as much.

Granted. You become prompt and industrious, finishing your tasks quickly... immediately before a change in circumstance renders your work obsolete and meaningless, and if you'd just procrastinated on it you wouldn't have wasted the effort and expense. Thus, you end up doing most tasks 5 or 6 times, becoming jittery and cynical, and extremely prone to ulcers.

I wish my poop would constantly dematerialize from inside me and rematerialize inside the kitchen of the person who holds me in the lowest esteem.

Nov 13, 2012#95

Yoshimickster

GasBandit said:
Granted. You become prompt and industrious, finishing your tasks quickly... immediately before a change in circumstance renders your work obsolete and meaningless, and if you'd just procrastinated on it you wouldn't have wasted the effort and expense. Thus, you end up doing most tasks 5 or 6 times, becoming jittery and cynical, and extremely prone to ulcers.

I wish my poop would constantly dematerialize from inside me and rematerialize inside the kitchen of the person who holds me in the lowest esteem.

Granted! But just as that person comes within one foot of your poop, it instantly rematerializes onto your head. So you will literally have, a shit head.

I wish I could control bats with my mind.

Nov 13, 2012#96

sixpackshaker

Yoshimickster said:
Granted! But just as that person comes within one foot of your poop, it instantly rematerializes onto your head. So you will literally have, a shit head.

I wish I could control bats with my mind.

Granted, but Louisville Sluggers don't really do much since they are not alive.

I wish I had a twelve in prick... (mine's too long)

Nov 13, 2012#97

Yoshimickster

sixpackshaker said:
Granted, but Louisville Sluggers don't really do much since they are not alive.

I wish I had a twelve in prick... (mine's too long)

GRANTED! However it isn't on you. In fact its also not attached to anything alive. In fact you've been framed for chopping off a dudes dick. Better get runin'.

I wish for fish!

Nov 13, 2012#98

Zappit

Yoshimickster said:
GRANTED! However it isn't on you. In fact its also not attached to anything alive. In fact you've been framed for chopping off a dudes dick. Better get runin'.

I wish for fish!

Under the sea!
Under the sea!
Down where it's wetter,
Crushed by the pressure!
It's dead-ly!

What do they got?
A lot of sand!
You've got blood full of nitrogen!

I wish Stereoside would put out a new, good album.

Nov 13, 2012#99

Yoshimickster

Zappit said:
Under the sea!
Under the sea!
Down where it's wetter,
Crushed by the pressure!
It's dead-ly!

What do they got?
A lot of sand!
You've got blood full of nitrogen!

I wish Stereoside would put out a new, good album.

Granted! However it gets sold out, leaving you to illegally download and get put in jail for 15 years. AMERICA!

I wish this chill would never stop being delicious!

Nov 13, 2012#100

Timmus

Granted but you later learn its made of your parents,cute puppies and pubes.

I wish I was a professional athlete.

Nov 13, 2012#101

Adam

Timmus said:
Granted but you later learn its made of your parents,cute puppies and pubes.

I wish I was a professional athlete.

Granted.

But it's sumo wrestling; and you'll never, ever get the weight off.

I wish I was home right now.

Nov 13, 2012#102

Timmus

Granted you are magically transported inside your own chest.

I wish I had a jetpack.

Nov 13, 2012#103

bhamv3

Timmus said:
Granted you are magically transported inside your own chest.

I wish I had a jetpack.

Okay, but beware it comes with a terrible curse! (That's bad!)
But it comes with a free girlfriend played by Jennifer Connelly! (That's good!)
The girlfriend is also cursed! (That's bad!)
But you get your choice of silly helmets! (That's good!)
The helmets contain potassium benzoate.

... That's bad.

I wish I could quote more Simpsons from memory.

Nov 13, 2012#104

Timmus

You can but only bits from season 15 onwards and your friends all find it alienating.

I wish I was filthy rich.

Nov 13, 2012#105

Yoshimickster

Timmus said:
You can but only bits from season 15 onwards and your friends all find it alienating.

I wish I was filthy rich.

GRANTED! You are now the father of Diamond Tiara. Have fun dealing with that.

I wish I could talk to animals.

Nov 13, 2012#106

Timmus

Granted but the animals don't want to talk to you.

I wish I had a time machine.

Nov 13, 2012#107

Yoshimickster

Timmus said:
Granted but the animals don't want to talk to you.

I wish I had a time machine.

Granted, but you age backwards every time you use it. And you go back in time to see yourself being born. You dead, you dead.

I wish I had a tail!

Nov 13, 2012#108

DarkAudit

Granted. It's 30 yards long and full of hyper-sensitive nerve endings. And did I mention it's stretched out in the middle of Grand Central Station?

I wish for a mint-condition 1961 Chrysler Imperial.

Nov 13, 2012#109

filmfanatic

DarkAudit said:
Granted. It's 30 yards long and full of hyper-sensitive nerve endings. And did I mention it's stretched out in the middle of Grand Central Station?

I wish for a mint-condition 1961 Chrysler Imperial.

Granted. However, you neglected to wish for a mint-condition 161 Chrysler Imperial with oil in it and utterly destroy the engine during a sunday drive.

I wish for the power to make people fall on command.

Nov 13, 2012#110

Zappit

filmfanatic said:
Granted. However, you neglected to wish for a mint-condition 161 Chrysler Imperial with oil in it and utterly destroy the engine during a sunday drive.

I wish for the power to make people fall on command.

Granted. However, people figure out you can do that, triggering an avalanche of frivolous slip and fall lawsuits.

I wish Capcom would start making real Mega Man games again,

Nov 13, 2012#111

bhamv3

filmfanatic said:
Granted. However, you neglected to wish for a mint-condition 161 Chrysler Imperial with oil in it and utterly destroy the engine during a sunday drive.

I wish for the power to make people fall on command.

Granted! People soon figure out it's you doing it, and start suing you. And then people you didn't command to fall down start suing you too, just to get a piece of the pie. All of the court sessions are conducted with everyone lying down, so you can't intimidate the judge, jury, or witnesses.

I wish all foods were simultaneously delicious, healthy, and cheap, instead of the either-or situation we now often find ourselves in.[DOUBLEPOST=1352870064][/DOUBLEPOST]Dammit ninja'd!

Zappit said:
Granted. However, people figure out you can do that, triggering an avalanche of frivolous slip and fall lawsuits.

I wish Capcom would start making real Mega Man games again,

Granted! They sell terribly though, falling behind Call of Duty: Black Ops: Secret Warfare: DLC packs 1 through 9 on the retail charts.

Nov 13, 2012#112

Timmus

bhamv3 said:
I wish all foods were simultaneously delicious, healthy, and cheap, instead of the either-or situation we now often find ourselves in.[DOUBLEPOST=1352870064][/DOUBLEPOST]Dammit ninja'd!

Granted but only because you find yourself in a dystopia where government that insists you believe this or they murder you in the night.

I wish they made scratch and sniff books for adults

Nov 13, 2012#113

Yoshimickster

Timmus said:
Granted but only because you find yourself in a dystopia where government that insists you believe this or they murder you in the night.

I wish they made scratch and sniff books for adults

Granted, but they only make yeast infection smells.

I wish I had the Matrix of leadership.

Nov 14, 2012#114

bhamv3

Yoshimickster said:
Granted, but they only make yeast infection smells.

I wish I had the Matrix of leadership.

Granted! It is forcibly plunged into your chest. Since you are not a Transformer, you do not survive the process.

I wish that, when I need to pay for something, no matter what it is, all I'll have to do is put my hand in my pocket and find the exact amount of money to pay for it, in a reasonable method of presentation. So, if I wanted to pay for a 50 cent drink, I'd find two quarters. If I wanted to pay for a new video game, I'd find six ten dollar bills. If I wanted to pay for a new car, I'd find a valid check for the exact price of the car.

Nov 14, 2012#115

Yoshimickster

bhamv3 said:
Granted! It is forcibly plunged into your chest. Since you are not a Transformer, you do not survive the process.

I wish that, when I need to pay for something, no matter what it is, all I'll have to do is put my hand in my pocket and find the exact amount of money to pay for it, in a reasonable method of presentation. So, if I wanted to pay for a 50 cent drink, I'd find two quarters. If I wanted to pay for a new video game, I'd find six ten dollar bills. If I wanted to pay for a new car, I'd find a valid check for the exact price of the car.

Granted, however all the money comes from the bank. From other peoples accounts. YOU GOIN' DA JAIL!

I wish I had wintry fresh breath.

Nov 14, 2012#116

Timmus

Granted, however your insides are frozen.

I wish I could visit alternate realities.

Nov 14, 2012#117

DarkAudit

Granted. You never leap home.

I wish I could punch Rush Limbaugh in the face with impunity.

Nov 14, 2012#118

Timmus

Granted. You punch his face but your arm gets embedded in his blubbery jowls up to your elbow and he collapses. You are unable to free yourself and slowly starve to death.

I wish I could visit another planet.

Nov 14, 2012#119

filmfanatic

Granted. You arrive on Mercury, where you burn up on the planet's surface.

I wish I could receive a kiss from Ellen Page.

Nov 14, 2012#120

Yoshimickster

filmfanatic said:
Granted. You arrive on Mercury, where you burn up on the planet's surface.

I wish I could receive a kiss from Ellen Page.

GRANTED! But only in the dream world and its debatable any of that actually happened. BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH A doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo- BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

I wish for warmer clothes.

Nov 14, 2012#121

strawman

Yoshimickster said:
GRANTED! But only in the dream world and its debatable any of that actually happened. BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH A doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo- BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

I wish for warmer clothes.

You now have a syndrome that causes you to sense heat when anything is touching your skin. Excrutiatingly hot sensations occur with any clothing or touch, even the lightest breeze sets your skin ablaze.

I wish I had some blueberries for my cereal this morning.

Nov 14, 2012#122

DarkAudit

Granted. You forgot to go buy more cereal, so all you have left is one single corn flake.

I wish all my old debts were considered paid off in full and on time.

Nov 14, 2012#123

Yoshimickster

DarkAudit said:
Granted. You forgot to go buy more cereal, so all you have left is one single corn flake.

I wish all my old debts were considered paid off in full and on time.

Granted, now you have NEW debts that are twice what your old debts were!

I wish that PS-Vita Digimon game gets dubbed and comes to America.

Nov 14, 2012#124

bhamv3

Yoshimickster said:
Granted, now you have NEW debts that are twice what your old debts were!

I wish that PS-Vita Digimon game gets dubbed and comes to America.

Granted! Uwe Boll is directing this one too.

I wish the Shoutbox could come back.

Nov 14, 2012#125

WasabiPoptart

Granted! And it shouts rude comments about you out loud whenever you log on.

I wish I owned a house here in Hawaii.

Nov 14, 2012#126

Zappit

WasabiPoptart said:
Granted! And it shouts rude comments about you out loud whenever you log on.

I wish I owned a house here in Hawaii.

Granted, and it's right on the edge of a volcano!

I wish MLB would force Loria out.

Nov 14, 2012#127

sixpackshaker

Zappit said:
Granted, and it's right on the edge of a volcano!

I wish MLB would force Loria out.

Now he is absolutely fabulous!!! and still has a job.

I wish the Cowboys would win more games.

Nov 14, 2012#128

BErt

sixpackshaker said:
I wish the Cowboys would win more games.

GRANTED! The University of Wyoming wins the NCAA Basketball Tournament!

I wish for the Nile.

Nov 14, 2012#129

Zappit

sixpackshaker said:
Now he is absolutely fabulous!!! and still has a job.

I wish the Cowboys would win more games.

A tragic series of plane crashes plagues the NFL, wiping out teams that can actually compete. The Cowboys win, but nobody cares, the loss of so many weighing down on the hearts of America.

I wish - that - I knew what I know now - when I was younger!

Nov 14, 2012#130

Yoshimickster

BErt said:
I wish for the Nile.

Granted, but Robin Williams kicks your ass for not wishing for his freedom.

Zappit said:
I wish - that - I knew what I know now - when I was younger!

Granted, but you still won't get back into Rushmore academy.

I wish for mind control powers.

Nov 14, 2012#131

sixpackshaker

Yoshimickster said:
Granted, but Robin Williams kicks your ass for not wishing for his freedom.

Granted, but you still won't get back into Rushmore academy.

I wish for mind control powers.

Granted, you can now control your own mind.

I wish for all the tea in China.

Nov 14, 2012#132

Yoshimickster

sixpackshaker said:
Granted, you can now control your own mind.

I wish for all the tea in China.

Granted. However you got it all at once and it landed on your head and bludgeoned you to death. DEATH BY TEA!

I wish for a visor.

Nov 14, 2012#133

sixpackshaker

Yoshimickster said:
Granted. However you got it all at once and it landed on your head and bludgeoned you to death. DEATH BY TEA!

I wish for a visor.

Granted, you are given a working copy of Jordie LaForge's visor, but you are blinded by it, and you will never appreciate another sunrise again.

I wish for a Rolex.

Nov 14, 2012#134

Yoshimickster

sixpackshaker said:
Granted, you are given a working copy of Jordie LaForge's visor, but you are blinded by it, and you will never appreciate another sunrise again.

I wish for a Rolex.

Granted! Its a crappy knock-off Roles. Didn't ask for a real Rolex now didja?

I wish they'd make a TV sequel to Beast Machines.

Nov 14, 2012#135

Zappit

Yoshimickster said:
Granted! Its a crappy knock-off Roles. Didn't ask for a real Rolex now didja?

I wish they'd make a TV sequel to Beast Machines.

Granted. But if Hasbro does sell out to Disney, the bots are based on Disney animals. Bambicons, anyone?

I wish Games Workshop would lower their prices to a reasonable level.

Nov 14, 2012#136

bhamv3

Zappit said:
Granted. But if Hasbro does sell out to Disney, the bots are based on Disney animals. Bambicons, anyone?

I wish Games Workshop would lower their prices to a reasonable level.

Granted! Quality falls correspondingly though.

I wish to master archery.

Nov 14, 2012#137

DarkAudit

Granted. Your opponent mastered sniper rifles. BOOM! Headshot.

I wish for more losing seasons from the Red Sox. And Yankees.

Nov 14, 2012#138

Cheesy1

Granted. But the Cubs go on a decade-long World Series winning dynasty instead, and that's just wrong!

I wish I could read minds only when I wanted to.

Nov 14, 2012#139

WasabiPoptart

Cheesy1 said:
I wish I could read minds only when I wanted to.

You receive a wonderful book called "Minds" which you may read at your leisure.

I wish I could eat whatever I want without gaining weight.

Nov 14, 2012#140

Zappit

WasabiPoptart said:
You receive a wonderful book called "Minds" which you may read at your leisure.

I wish I could eat whatever I want without gaining weight.

The Irritable Bowel Syndrome, combined with a more sensitive gag reflex, see to it that you're sickly, malnourished, yet only a size 2!

I wish I wasn't colorblind.

Nov 14, 2012#141

WasabiPoptart

Zappit said:
The Irritable Bowel Syndrome, combined with a more sensitive gag reflex, see to it that you're sickly, malnourished, yet only a size 2!

I wish I wasn't colorblind.

You are no longer colorblind ...because you are now completely blind.

I wish Santa was real.

Nov 14, 2012#142

Cheesy1

Granted!

I wish I was a professional-caliber poker player.

Nov 14, 2012#143

jwhouk

sixpackshaker said:
Granted, but the "pet" is not properly socialized and humps the legs of your guests and spills hydrolic fluid all over the floor hourly... until it gets to the point that you have him put down.

I know this guy in Northampton who already has one of those...[DOUBLEPOST=1352948333][/DOUBLEPOST]

Cheesy1 said:
Granted!

I wish I was a professional-caliber poker player.

Granted! The next time you play poker, an opponent with a professional-caliber gun accuses you of cheating....

I wish for an uncorrupted wish.

Nov 14, 2012#144

WasabiPoptart

Cheesy1 said:
I wish I was a professional-caliber poker player.

You are the worst player on the circuit and sell your body on a regular basis just to get enough money for the entry fees.

I wish I had an eternally full cup of my favorite coffee.

Nov 14, 2012#145

Yoshimickster

WasabiPoptart said:
You are the worst player on the circuit and sell your body on a regular basis just to get enough money for the entry fees.

I wish I had an eternally full cup of my favorite coffee.

Granted! However if you spill it once the world will flood in a sea of hot brown caffeine.

I wish I had pizza.

Nov 14, 2012#146

Cheesy1

Granted!

I wish Dom DeLuise was still alive and NOT a zombie.

Nov 14, 2012#147

Yoshimickster

Cheesy1 said:
Granted!

I wish Dom DeLuise was still alive and NOT a zombie.

Granted! But he comes back as Pizza the Hut and eats himself to death.

I wish my head would stop feeling spinny.

Nov 14, 2012#148

filmfanatic

Your head now is spinny and constantly rotating around, instead of just feeling spinny.

I wish I could instantly create a grilled cheese sandwich whenever I felt like it.

Nov 14, 2012#149

Yoshimickster

filmfanatic said:
Your head now is spinny and constantly rotating around, instead of just feeling spinny.

I wish I could instantly create a grilled cheese sandwich whenever I felt like it.

GRANTED! However, the cheese is moldy. HOT MOLDY CHEESE! You gon' get sick baby!

I wish I had a Devil fruit.

Nov 14, 2012#150

Cheesy1

Granted!

(Please don't hurt me, gay forum members! :hide:

)

I wish I had a cloak of invisibility.

Nov 14, 2012#151

Yoshimickster

Cheesy1 said:
I wish I had a cloak of invisibility.

Granted! Now Voldemort is after you and will most likely try to kill everyone you know!

I wish I was a fish man.

Nov 14, 2012#152

WasabiPoptart

Yoshimickster you are now a fish man - and you are instantly defeated by the Straw Hat Pirates! Gum-gum rocket!!!

I want a Pokemon.

Nov 14, 2012#153

Yoshimickster

WasabiPoptart said:
Yoshimickster you are now a fish man - and you are instantly defeated by the Straw Hat Pirates! Gum-gum rocket!!!

I want a Pokemon.

GRANTED! You get a Houndoom! However it has more...realistic qualities to it. Be prepared to clean flaming dookie.

I wish Aquaman had a good movie. He is way too underrated as a character.

Nov 15, 2012#154

WasabiPoptart

Granted! The Aquaman movie is one of the top-grossing superhero films of all time. The franchise is wildly successful. Until an investigative report uncovers that the fish and other sea life in the movie were later sold to restaurants as sushi, sashimi, and to McDonald's restaurants as Filet-O-Fish. The backlash is so great that the production company and everyone associated with the film are sued into bankruptcy. There are even rumors of federal prosecution since some of the fish used, and subsequently sold, were endangered. The star of the film ends up living on the streets of Los Angeles, fighting delusions of being a performing sea lion at an aquarium. The Aquaman movie becomes synonymous with anti-environmentalism and greed.

I wish I had a donut.

Nov 15, 2012#155

filmfanatic

WasabiPoptart said:
Granted! The Aquaman movie is one of the top-grossing superhero films of all time. The franchise is wildly successful. Until an investigative report uncovers that the fish and other sea life in the movie were later sold to restaurants as sushi, sashimi, and to McDonald's restaurants as Filet-O-Fish. The backlash is so great that the production company and everyone associated with the film are sued into bankruptcy. There are even rumors of federal prosecution since some of the fish used, and subsequently sold, were endangered. The star of the film ends up living on the streets of Los Angeles, fighting delusions of being a performing sea lion at an aquarium. The Aquaman movie becomes synonymous with anti-environmentalism and greed.

I wish I had a donut.

You have your donut and eat it. However, you didn't have anything to wash it down with, so you've got all sorts of crumbs crammed between your teeth that annoy you to no end.

I wish I could make anyone happy.

Nov 15, 2012#156

Yoshimickster

filmfanatic said:
You have your donut and eat it. However, you didn't have anything to wash it down with, so you've got all sorts of crumbs crammed between your teeth that annoy you to no end.

I wish I could make anyone happy.

GRANTED! You are now a prostitute.

I wish I wasn't so tired all the time.

Nov 15, 2012#157

filmfanatic

Yoshimickster said:
GRANTED! You are now a prostitute.

I wish I wasn't so tired all the time.

Granted. However, you have so much energy that you never sleep and never feel comfortable just sitting down or taking it easy. You always have to do something, or else the feeling of doing nothing will drive you crazy.

I wish for the power to cloud men's minds.

Nov 15, 2012#158

Yoshimickster

filmfanatic said:
Granted. However, you have so much enough that you never sleep and never feel comfortable just sitting down or taking it easy. You always have to do something, or else the feeling of doing nothing will drive you crazy.

I wish for the power to cloud men's minds.

GRANTED! However you end up losing it after going through the recording studio, and have to wait until tomorrow night to do the same thing you do every night. TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!

I wish I had all the seasons of Animaniacs were on DVD or Blu-ray.

Nov 15, 2012#159

filmfanatic

Yoshimickster said:
GRANTED! However you end up losing it after going through the recording studio, and have to wait until tomorrow night to do the same thing you do every night. TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!

I wish I had all the seasons of Animaniacs were on DVD or Blu-ray.

Granted. However, all of the discs are scratched horribly and refuse to play.

I wish I had awesome dance skills.

Nov 15, 2012#160

Yoshimickster

filmfanatic said:
Granted. However, all of the discs are scratched horribly and refuse to play.

I wish I had awesome dance skills.

GRANTED! However your also now the bad guy from every dance movie ever, and are fated to lose to a plucky young dancer.

I wish I was an acclaimed voice actor.

Nov 15, 2012#161

strawman

Yoshimickster said:
GRANTED! However your also now the bad guy from every dance movie ever, and are fated to lose to a plucky young dancer.

I wish I was an acclaimed voice actor.

You spend the rest of your life as an acclaimed voice actor, wishing you were instead a well-paid voice actor.

I wish flooring was cheaper, nicer, and lasted longer in a house full of young children and teenagers.

Nov 15, 2012#162

Officer_Charon

Granted! However, the polymers used to create such a flooring result in immediate and dramatic allergic reactions in most residents of the homes in which they're installed. Including yours. Enjoy your Benadryl.

I wish changing to a different shift didn't result in scheduling problems, leading me to worry about whether I'll be able to pay rent next month.

Nov 15, 2012#163

Yoshimickster

Officer_Charon said:
Granted! However, the polymers used to create such a flooring result in immediate and dramatic allergic reactions in most residents of the homes in which they're installed. Including yours. Enjoy your Benadryl.

I wish changing to a different shift didn't result in scheduling problems, leading me to worry about whether I'll be able to pay rent next month.

Granted! Now you get the shift that is neither day nor night nor afternoon. The shift between shifts, that stands out side of time, and never ends. AND THERE IS NO ESCAPE!

I wish for a rock that I don't bash my skull in with.

Nov 15, 2012#164

Zappit

Yoshimickster said:
Granted! Now you get the shift that is neither day nor night nor afternoon. The shift between shifts, that stands out side of time, and never ends. AND THERE IS NO ESCAPE!

I wish for a rock that I don't bash my skull in with.

Granted! However, you get arena rock music, and you're subjected to Poison's "Every Rose has its Thorns" over and over until you want to bash your head in.

I wish the Kardashians would never be shown or mentioned in any form of media again.

Nov 15, 2012#165

sixpackshaker

Zappit said:
I wish the Kardashians would never be shown or mentioned in any form of media again.

I wish...

Nov 15, 2012#166

Yoshimickster

....Granted. But your balls are next.

I wish Heracles didn't kill all the satyrs.

Nov 15, 2012#167

WasabiPoptart

Heracles didn't kill all the saytrs. Percy Jackson did.

I wish I could stop being so pissed off right now.

Nov 15, 2012#168

bhamv3

WasabiPoptart said:
Heracles didn't kill all the saytrs. Percy Jackson did.

I wish I could stop being so pissed off right now.

You are dosed with laughing gas.

I wish all the attractive females in my workplace would stop quitting. Seriously.

Nov 16, 2012#169

DarkAudit

Granted. Now they're all quitting for the lulz.

I wish for cake.

Nov 16, 2012#170

filmfanatic

DarkAudit said:
Granted. Now they're all quitting for the lulz.

I wish for cake.

Granted. You're now at Aperture Science, where GlaDOS promises that there will be cake. You just have to perform some tests first.

I wish that I were more attractive to women.

Nov 16, 2012#171

WasabiPoptart

filmfanatic said:
I wish that I were more attractive to women.

Granted! You are so attractive to women of every age that you can't walk outside without causing a mob scene. Women physically fight each other to get a piece of you. For some women the power of your attractiveness is so great that they faint, convulse, cry, or even instantly orgasm from staring at your awesome beauty for more than a minute. This also means you can no longer attend family gatherings since... *ahem* well, "Eeeew grandma!" should cover it. You have been in court several times for restraining orders against the ones who repeatedly try to break into your house just to lay on your bed or steal your dirty clothes since they smell like you. You need to constantly have your house swept for recording devices and cameras. Aren't you a sexy beast? *waggles her eyebrows and giggles*

I wish I hadn't woken up at 4am for no particular reason.

Nov 16, 2012#172

Gared

Granted! Now you woke up at 4am because you could sense the neighbor's dogs coming to crap on your property somewhere.

I wish that I could wish that I had more work to do without that wish meaning that more people had to die.

Nov 16, 2012#173

filmfanatic

Gared said:
Granted! Now you woke up at 4am because you could sense the neighbor's dogs coming to crap on your property somewhere.

I wish that I could wish that I had more work to do without that wish meaning that more people had to die.

Granted! Now, you COULD make that wish, but self-doubt about the possible ramifications and consequences prompt you to not make the wish. It might have been better if you had wished that you WOULD wish that wish and thus be more inclined to do so.

I wish that I had the power to see through people and things and could control the intensity of the vision, whether to look through one layer of something or the whole thing.

Nov 16, 2012#174

Yoshimickster

filmfanatic said:
Granted! Now, you COULD make that wish, but self-doubt about the possible ramifications and consequences prompt you to not make the wish. It might have been better if you had wished that you WOULD wish that wish and thus be more inclined to do so.

I wish that I had the power to see through people and things and could control the intensity of the vision, whether to look through one layer of something or the whole thing.

GRANTED! However you also end up seeing the tiny government people that have been inside people for decades! They send you to a tiny room on a tiny version of that island that is parodied a million times but no-one says by its name. RUNNING JOKE!

I wish I had a force-field generator.

Nov 16, 2012#175

sixpackshaker

Yoshimickster said:
GRANTED! However you also end up seeing the tiny government people that have been inside people for decades! They send you to a tiny room on a tiny version of that island that is parodied a million times but no-one says by its name. RUNNING JOKE!

I wish I had a force-field generator.

Granted, however you get careless and leave it switched on too long and asphyxiate.

I wish I had Lawyers, Guns and Money.

Nov 16, 2012#176

Gared

Granted, a new Guns n' Roses cover band, comprised entirely of ambulance chasing attorneys from Boise, ID now provides the soundtrack to your life, following you everywhere you go, at all times.

I wish I had more things to wish for.

Nov 16, 2012#177

Yoshimickster

sixpackshaker said:
Granted, however you get careless and leave it switched on too long and asphyxiate.

I wish I had Lawyers, Guns and Money.

GRANTED! However Charles Bronson kills you any way.

Edit: GAH! Ninja'd again.

Gared said:
I wish I had more things to wish for.

Granted! However they are all for a copy of Newsweek-THE BABY ISSUE! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

I wish I had limitless shape-shifting abilities.

Nov 16, 2012#178

WasabiPoptart

Yoshimickster said:
I wish I had limitless shape-shifting abilities.

Granted. Except you have no control over what you shape-shift into or when. It all happens at random.

I wish I knew the winning lottery numbers for the next big Powerball drawing.

Nov 16, 2012#179

sixpackshaker

WasabiPoptart said:
Granted. Except you have no control over what you shape-shift into or when. It all happens at random.

I wish I knew the winning lottery numbers for the next big Powerball drawing.

Granted, you start celebrating early, pass out wake up at 9:00 pm with out a $1 to your name.

I wish I was better at stomping on the dreams of others.

Nov 16, 2012#180

Yoshimickster

sixpackshaker said:
Granted, you start celebrating early, pass out wake up at 9:00 pm with out a $1 to your name.

I wish I was better at stomping on the dreams of others.

GRANTED! You are now the Nightmare master! You ruin peoples dreams all the time! However since the average person hardly even remembers their dreams, it doesn't do much.

I wish I had more Mashed potatoes.

Nov 16, 2012#181

Timmus

Yoshimickster said:
GRANTED! You are now the Nightmare master! You ruin peoples dreams all the time! However since the average person hardly even remembers their dreams, it doesn't do much.

I wish I had more Mashed potatoes.

Granted but you have an inverse proportional amount of gravy.

I wish I could astrally project.

Nov 16, 2012#182

Yoshimickster

Timmus said:
Granted but you have an inverse proportional amount of gravy.

I wish I could astrally project.

GRANTED! However the Ghost Busters mistake you for a demon and trap you in that ghost trap they have goin' on.

I wish the Ice King would get back his memory.

Nov 16, 2012#183

filmfanatic

Yoshimickster said:
GRANTED! However the Ghost Busters mistake you for a demon and trap you in that ghost trap they have goin' on.

I wish the Ice King would get back his memory.

Granted! The Ice King does get his memory back, but the thought of the man he once was combined with what he remembers of his actions causes him to sink into a deep depression. While in this depression, the crown reacts to such major emotion and freezes the entire planet.

I wish I had a hoverboard.

Nov 16, 2012#184

Yoshimickster

filmfanatic said:
Granted! The Ice King does get his memory back, but the thought of the man he once was combined with what he remembers of his actions causes him to sink into a deep depression. While in this depression, the crown reacts to such major emotion and freezes the entire planet.

I wish I had a hoverboard.

GRANTED! However you accidentally go on water while being pursued by a gang. And things don't turn out so well for you.

I wish I had guns. Lots of guns.

Nov 16, 2012#185

WasabiPoptart

Granted! You have the largest collection of Super Soakers and other water guns known to exist. Plus you even have the gun from the Island of Misfit Toys that shoots jelly.

I want a maid.

Nov 17, 2012#186

Yoshimickster

WasabiPoptart said:
Granted! You have the largest collection of Super Soakers and other water guns known to exist. Plus you even have the gun from the Island of Misfit Toys that shoots jelly.

I want a maid.

GRANTED! However it turns out she's a con-artist and steals thousands of dollars from you. Shes good at cleaning, but a HORRIBLE person.

I wish for a retail comic that wasn't so damn soap opera-ey.

Nov 17, 2012#187

WasabiPoptart

Yoshimickster said:
GRANTED! However it turns out she's a con-artist and steals thousands of dollars from you. Shes good at cleaning, but a HORRIBLE person.

I wish for a retail comic that wasn't so damn soap opera-ey.

Granted! Less soap, but lots more OPERA!

I wish Lego sets weren't so damn expensive.

Nov 17, 2012#188

Yoshimickster

WasabiPoptart said:
Granted! Less soap, but lots more OPERA!

I wish Lego sets weren't so damn expensive.

GRANTED! However they are now all just two-piece sets. You stick one colored brick on another and BAM- model of an ATAT.

I wish for a spin-off for the Psycho Rangers from Power Rangers in Space. They were awesome.

Nov 17, 2012#189

filmfanatic

Yoshimickster said:
GRANTED! However they are now all just two-piece sets. You stick one colored brick on another and BAM- model of an ATAT.

I wish for a spin-off for the Psycho Rangers from Power Rangers in Space. They were awesome.

Granted! However, the show is a complete disaster and leaves such a bad mark that the franchise is sunk...at least until Hollywood decides to resurrect the Power Rangers franchise with a movie directed by Michael Bay.

I wish that I was in shape.

Nov 17, 2012#190

Cheesy1

Granted! Unfortunately, that shape is a triangle. Not very flattering.

I wish I could meet you all in real life at some point.

Nov 17, 2012#191

Zappit

Cheesy1 said:
Granted! Unfortunately, that shape is a triangle. Not very flattering.

I wish I could meet you all in real life at some point.

Isosceles what you did there.

Granted. We're shy and socially restrained, leading to disappointment.

I wish Rush Limbaugh would finally admit he's just a fraud.

Nov 17, 2012#192

Yoshimickster

Zappit said:
Isosceles what you did there.

Granted. We're shy and socially restrained, leading to disappointment.

I wish Rush Limbaugh would finally admit he's just a fraud.

GRANTED! However it is in writing, and is read 30 years after his death by when nobody cares any more.

I wish I had a 3DS.

Nov 17, 2012#193

filmfanatic

Yoshimickster said:
GRANTED! However it is in writing, and is read 30 years after his death by when nobody cares any more.

I wish I had a 3DS.

Granted! You just grabbed the last 3DS off of the store shelves during Black Friday. Hundreds of parents, desperate to get something really cool for their kids during the Black Friday sales, look at you with pleading eyes. The pleading ends, however, when they all start to charge at you.

I wish for my student loan to be paid off.

Nov 17, 2012#194

CrimsonSoul

filmfanatic said:
Granted! You just grabbed the last 3DS off of the store shelves during Black Friday. Hundreds of parents, desperate to get something really cool for their kids during the Black Friday sales, look at you with pleading eyes. The pleading ends, however, when they all start to charge at you.

I wish for my student loan to be paid off.

Granted. The entirty of your student loans are paid off in full and will be fully deducted from each paycheck leaving you with no way to pay bills so you are forced to take out ever increasing amount of money from payday loan stores.

I wish my five year old would be released from the hospital already so we can go home already

Nov 17, 2012#195

Zappit

filmfanatic said:
Granted! You just grabbed the last 3DS off of the store shelves during Black Friday. Hundreds of parents, desperate to get something really cool for their kids during the Black Friday sales, look at you with pleading eyes. The pleading ends, however, when they all start to charge at you.

I wish for my student loan to be paid off.

Granted, but now you can't pay back the loan shark, and he has you beaten into a coma, which creates even more debt.

I wish George R. R. Martin could finish a Game of Thrones book in less than six years.

Nov 17, 2012#196

strawman

CrimsonSoul said:
I wish my five year old would be released from the hospital already so we can go home already

Well played.

Zappit said:
I wish George R. R. Martin could finish a Game of Thrones book in less than six years.

Granted! Since he's sick of people asking about them, he releases the cliff notes version of all his future books for the same cost as a regular book, and retires.

I wish I made more than $10 for today's garage sale.

Nov 17, 2012#197

Yoshimickster

stienman said:
Well played.

Granted! Since he's sick of people asking about them, he releases the cliff notes version of all his future books for the same cost as a regular book, and retires.

I wish I made more than $10 for today's garage sale.

GRANTED! However it turns out that you only sold one of your items at a high price because it turns out it was filled with cocaine. YOU GOIN TO JAIL!

I wish I had a light saber.

Nov 17, 2012#198

Timmus

Yoshimickster said:
GRANTED! However it turns out that you only sold one of your items at a high price because it turns out it was filled with cocaine. YOU GOIN TO JAIL!

I wish I had a light saber.

Granted but since you don't know how to use it you end up cutting off all your limbs.

I wish I could read faster.

Nov 17, 2012#199

Yoshimickster

Timmus said:
Granted but since you don't know how to use it you end up cutting off all your limbs.

I wish I could read faster.

GRANTED! But after reading Kilgore Trout's book you end up believing that everyone on Earth is really a robot. This realization causes you to go on a violent rampage, even bashing your gay son's head into a piano. You also yell - "YOU WANNA KNOW WHY MY WIFE DRANO?! BECAUSE SHE WAS JUST THAT KIND OF MACHINE!" And then you go to jail or something, I forget the ending.

I wish download sites weren't run by lying douche bags that trick me into downloading a useless APP!

Nov 17, 2012#200

WasabiPoptart

Yoshimickster said:
I wish download sites weren't run by lying douche bags that trick me into downloading a useless APP!

Download sites are now run by upright honest people, but you're still gullible enough to download useless apps.

I wish this paper would write itself.

Nov 17, 2012#201

Timmus

WasabiPoptart said:
Download sites are now run by upright honest people, but you're still gullible enough to download useless apps.

I wish this paper would write itself.

It does but your paper is an unabashed racist and it makes your professor think you're a terrible person.

I wish the NHL lockout would end.

Nov 17, 2012#202

jwhouk

Granted! But then the players go on strike.

...Aw, heck, that's a crappy thought. I'll just reiterate it:

I wish the NHL lockout would end.

Nov 17, 2012#203

DarkAudit

Granted. The league disbands.

I wish for a Fiat Abarth.

Nov 17, 2012#204

Yoshimickster

DarkAudit said:
I wish for a Fiat Abarth.

Granted, but its haunted by a racist mobster.

I wish to never stop farting. I always feel purified afterwards.

Nov 17, 2012#205

filmfanatic

Yoshimickster said:
Granted, but its haunted by a racist mobster.

I wish to never stop farting. I always feel purified afterwards.

Granted! You never stop farting, so you are continually expelling a foul-smelling gas without any stop. No one can stand to be around such a disgusting odor, so you are left alone, no one to keep you company except for the smelly cloud of death that follows you.

I wish I could relive the sensory memory of my first kiss.

Nov 17, 2012#206

Yoshimickster

filmfanatic said:
Granted! You never stop farting, so you are continually expelling a foul-smelling gas without any stop. No one can stand to be around such a disgusting odor, so you are left alone, no one to keep you company except for the smelly cloud of death that follows you.

I wish I could relive the sensory memory of my first kiss.

GRANTED! However you know how they that when you die your life flashes before your eyes? Well guess how you relive that memory?

I wish I had a job at comic book store.

Nov 17, 2012#207

sixpackshaker

Yoshimickster said:
I wish I had a job at comic book store.

The Genie says, "Sorry, it would be easier to cause peace to break out in the Middle East."

I wish there was peace in the Middle East.

Nov 17, 2012#208

Yoshimickster

sixpackshaker said:
The Genie says, "Sorry, it would be easier to cause peace to break out in the Middle East."

I wish there was peace in the Middle East.

GRANTED! However now there is war in the Upper East. Should've seen it coming honestly, war does rise.

I wish I had a hard back copy of Avatar: The Promise.

Nov 18, 2012#209

Timmus

Yoshimickster said:
GRANTED! However now there is war in the Upper East. Should've seen it coming honestly, war does rise.

I wish I had a hard back copy of Avatar: The Promise.

Granted but it's a 20th generation bootleg and it's illegible.

I wish I didn't need to have a job.

Nov 18, 2012#210

Yoshimickster

Timmus said:
Granted but it's a 20th generation bootleg and it's illegible.

I wish I didn't need to have a job.

GRANTED! However while you are independently wealthy, you also can't leave the house. Ever. And no-one can come in the house. Ever. You can eat, read as much as you want, watch as much TV as you want, but you can never ever leave the house. Ever.

I wish I was an Ace detective.

Nov 18, 2012#211

Timmus

Yoshimickster said:
GRANTED! However while you are independently wealthy, you also can't leave the house. Ever. And no-one can come in the house. Ever. You can eat, read as much as you want, watch as much TV as you want, but you can never ever leave the house. Ever.

I wish I was an Ace detective.

Actually that sounds perfect.

Granted but after awhile helping people complete their partial decks of cards loses its appeal.

I wish I had a commercial aquarium sized fish tank full of non lethal and beautifully coloured tropical fish.

Nov 18, 2012#212

Yoshimickster

Timmus said:
Actually that sounds perfect.

Granted but after awhile helping people complete their partial decks of cards loses its appeal.

I wish I had a commercial aquarium sized fish tank full of non lethal and beautifully coloured tropical fish.

Yeah actually that sounds awesome.

1st wish:GRANTED! You don't need a job any more because you are immortal...as a statue...with no entertainment. BOOM!

2nd Wish: Granted! However you are also now Troy MCclure. Look it up.

I wish I had a tricorder.

Nov 18, 2012#213

Timmus

Stop making my wishes better dude!

Granted you have a tricorder but you're also responsible for cleaning out the holodeck after people use it for sex.

I wish I had a holodeck...

Nov 18, 2012#214

DarkAudit

Granted. The only program it can run is And The Children Shall Lead.

I wish my "Thanksgiving" dinner wasn't leftovers at 4am.

Nov 18, 2012#215

Yoshimickster

DarkAudit said:
Granted. The only program it can run is And The Children Shall Lead.

I wish my "Thanksgiving" dinner wasn't leftovers at 4am.

GRANTED! Now its at leftovers at 5 AM! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

I wish for a horse.

Nov 18, 2012#216

filmfanatic

Yoshimickster said:
GRANTED! Now its at leftovers at 5 AM! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

I wish for a horse.

Granted! You now have Derpy Hooves, who is constantly destroying your home by accident.

I wish for a good movie based upon an existing video game.

Nov 18, 2012#217

Yoshimickster

filmfanatic said:
Granted! You now have Derpy Hooves, who is constantly destroying your home by accident.

I wish for a good movie based upon an existing video game.

GRANTED! Get ready for Sonic Heroes the movie! All the awfulness of the game brought right to the big screen!

I wish for super speed.

Nov 18, 2012#218

blotsfan

Granted! It only works in bed.

I wish I had all the powers of the Jewish God.

Nov 18, 2012#219

Yoshimickster

blotsfan said:
Granted! It only works in bed.

I wish I had all the powers of the Jewish God.

GRANTED! However a new religion makes a god twice as powerful as the Old Testament god and he kicks your ass off the throne. Religion is fickle.

I wish for a million missile launchers.

Nov 18, 2012#220

Zappit

Yoshimickster said:
GRANTED! However a new religion makes a god twice as powerful as the Old Testament god and he kicks your ass off the throne. Religion is fickle.

I wish for a million missile launchers.

Granted, and now the ATF must excavate your shattered remains out from under the missile pile.

I wish that chalkboards could not produce sound, especially that hideous scratching one.

Nov 18, 2012#221

Timmus

Granted they now sound like a shrieking children and half of them have kazoos.

I wish I didn't have to rake leaves today.

Nov 18, 2012#222

Zappit

Timmus said:
Granted however they don't come pre assembled.

I wish I didn't have to rake leaves today.

Granted! A house fire gives you a whole new set of priorities.

I wish that Simon Cowell would retire, sparing us from this new wave of boy bands he's unleashing upon the world.

Nov 18, 2012#223

Yoshimickster

Zappit said:
Granted! A house fire gives you a whole new set of priorities.

I wish that Simon Cowell would retire, sparing us from this new wave of boy bands he's unleashing upon the world.

GRANTED! However he may be retired from producing music, NOW he's making films! They are all awful.

I wish whoever made Thumb Wars got severely punched in the balls.

Nov 18, 2012#224

filmfanatic

Yoshimickster said:
GRANTED! However he may be retired from producing music, NOW he's making films! They are all awful.

I wish whoever made Thumb Wars got severely punched in the balls.

Granted! However, this inspires Steve Oedekerk to channel his energy into television. The end result: Ow! My Balls!. It becomes a smash hit.

I wish that me and my friends have an awesome Christmas party this year.

Nov 18, 2012#225

blotsfan

Granted! The sight of the house exploding inspired plenty of awe for passerbys.

I wish I had an enjoyable, secure, high paying job in Buffalo, NY.

Nov 18, 2012#226

Yoshimickster

blotsfan said:
Granted! The sight of the house exploding inspired plenty of awe for passerbys.

I wish I had an enjoyable, secure, high paying job in Buffalo, NY.

GRANTED! You HAD said job, but only for five seconds before the awful was eaten by Kthulu. There were no survivors.

I wish I had lightning hands.

Nov 18, 2012#227

WasabiPoptart

Yoshimickster said:
GRANTED! You HAD said job, but only for five seconds before the awful was eaten by Kthulu. There were no survivors.

I wish I had lightning hands.

Granted! You are Raiden from Mortal Kombat. Unfortunately Liu Kang beats you into a pulp whenever you try to use your lightning powers.

I wish mosquitoes didn't like me so much.

Nov 18, 2012#228

Yoshimickster

WasabiPoptart said:
Granted! You are Raiden from Mortal Kombat. Unfortunately Liu Kang beats you into a pulp whenever you try to use your lightning powers.

I wish mosquitoes didn't like me so much.

GRANTED! However a super disease breaks out and the only cure is a mosquito bite. And they will not bite you, because they do not like you.

I wish I had four arms.

Nov 18, 2012#229

CrimsonSoul

stienman said:
Well played.

And we're home!

Nov 18, 2012#230

filmfanatic

Yoshimickster said:
GRANTED! However a super disease breaks out and the only cure is a mosquito bite. And they will not bite you, because they do not like you.

I wish I had four arms.

Granted! Your third and fourth arms, rather than being directly controlled by you are instead controlled by your subconsciousness. In particular, moments when you feel angry or attracted cause them to react. This has led to numerous fights, awkward encounters and several lawsuits.

I wish for the perfect Boston Creme Pie.

Nov 18, 2012#231

Timmus

Granted it lands on your face with a hilarious splat. Everybody laughs and you're super embarrassed.

I wish I were a muppeteer.

Nov 18, 2012#232

Yoshimickster

Timmus said:
Granted it lands on your face with a hilarious splat. Everybody laughs and you're super embarrassed.

I wish I were a muppeteer.

GRANTED! You are Jim Henson! Guess how that turns out?

I wish I could teleport any where I want.

Nov 18, 2012#233

blotsfan

Granted! It just takes you a millennium to get there. You spend 1000 years trapped in black nothingness.

I wish I had all of superman's powers and no weaknesses.

Nov 18, 2012#234

Yoshimickster

blotsfan said:
Granted! It just takes you a millennium to get there. You spend 1000 years trapped in black nothingness.

I wish I had all of superman's powers and no weaknesses.

GRANTED! However because you have no weaknesses you win every single fight easily. Your life becomes boring, you wish to end it but you cannot because you are practically a demi-god. Your friends die of old age, while you stay the same.

I wish I had a recording label!

Nov 18, 2012#235

CrimsonSoul

Yoshimickster said:
GRANTED! However because you have no weaknesses you win every single fight easily. Your life becomes boring, you wish to end it but you cannot because you are practically a demi-god. Your friends die of old age, while you stay the same.

I wish I had a recording label!

Granted. You are picked up by murder inc. And are then murdered. How ironic.

I wish that I could see 7 days into the future and have the ability to change it to my liking if I did not like the way that it is currently planned

Nov 18, 2012#236

Yoshimickster

CrimsonSoul said:
Granted. You are picked up by murder inc. And are then murdered. How ironic.

I wish that I could see 7 days into the future and have the ability to change it to my liking if I did not like the way that it is currently planned

GRANTED! However, 15 other people also get this power and they try to change it to how they like it. Needless to say, chaos ensues.

I wish I felt fresher.

Nov 19, 2012#237

filmfanatic

Yoshimickster said:
GRANTED! However, 15 other people also get this power and they try to change it to how they like it. Needless to say, chaos ensues.

I wish I felt fresher.

Granted! You now own some Summer's Eve cleansing wash.

I wish I had taken a relaxing and re-energizing nap.

Nov 19, 2012#238

Yoshimickster

filmfanatic said:
Granted! You now own some Summer's Eve cleansing wash.

I wish I had taken a relaxing and re-energizing nap.

GRANTED! However you took it- THREE YEARS AGO! Also you when you got out of bed there was a cat on your face.

I wish I had some soup.

Nov 19, 2012#239

filmfanatic

Yoshimickster said:
GRANTED! However you took it- THREE YEARS AGO! Also you when you got out of bed there was a cat on your face.

I wish I had some soup.

Granted! There is an oyster in your soup, however, that doesn't take kindly to you having this soup. As such, every time you go for a spoonful, it pops out and sprays you in the face. If you try to drink straight from the bowl, the oyster clamps tight on your nose. If you try to scoop the oyster itself out, it just leaps out of the spoon and back into the bowl. It is an unusually intelligent oyster and it refuses to back down.

I wish for a successful date.

Nov 19, 2012#240

bhamv3

filmfanatic said:
Granted! There is an oyster in your soup, however, that doesn't take kindly to you having this soup. As such, every time you go for a spoonful, it pops out and sprays you in the face. If you try to drink straight from the bowl, the oyster clamps tight on your nose. If you try to scoop the oyster itself out, it just leaps out of the spoon and back into the bowl. It is an unusually intelligent oyster and it refuses to back down.

I wish for a successful date.

September 29th turns out to be very productive.

I wish sex and sexuality was no longer taboo in any society in the world.

Nov 19, 2012#241

Yoshimickster

bhamv3 said:
September 29th turns out to be very productive.

I wish sex and sexuality was no longer taboo in any society in the world.

Thank you for using for my birthday.

And- GRANTED! However, now diet is taboo! Just try eating a steak in a veggy zone without getting shanked- I DARES YA!

I wish for the Hulk's powers minus the insanity.

Nov 19, 2012#242

bhamv3

Yoshimickster said:
Thank you for using for my birthday.

And- GRANTED! However, now diet is taboo! Just try eating a steak in a veggy zone without getting shanked- I DARES YA!

I wish for the Hulk's powers minus the insanity.

You know I loves ya, Yoshi. Also it's my birthday too.

The government finds a way to blackmail you into working for them. You are put to work turning a crank all day long, as a method of generating free energy for the country. Eventually you die of exhaustion, but no one's bothered finding alternate energy sources. Apocalypse.

I wish weddings were easier to plan.

Nov 19, 2012#243

Yoshimickster

bhamv3 said:
You know I loves ya, Yoshi. Also it's my birthday too.

The government finds a way to blackmail you into working for them. You are put to work turning a crank all day long, as a method of generating free energy for the country. Eventually you die of exhaustion, but no one's bothered finding alternate energy sources. Apocalypse.

I wish weddings were easier to plan.

GRANTED! However as of yesterday Miriam Webster has changed the definition of wedding. Now it means figuring out what is for dinner. Sclorfings however, are still very complicated to plan.

I wish I had paper that was slightly psychic so I could make it show whatever I want to see.

Nov 19, 2012#244

blotsfan

Granted! It's The size of a stamp.

I wish the distinction between corrupting a wish and just making unrelated bad stuff happen was clearer.

Nov 19, 2012#245

Yoshimickster

blotsfan said:
Granted! It's The size of a stamp.

I wish the distinction between corrupting a wish and just making unrelated bad stuff happen was clearer.

GRANTED! However right as you gain clarity of it, you forget everything else! But you still know the difference between these two things.

I wish for a Pegasus!

Nov 19, 2012#246

JCM

GRANTED. A Pegasus in heat arrives, it hasn't had sex for months, and it will do anything that moves.

I wish for world peace.

Nov 19, 2012#247

Yoshimickster

JCM said:
GRANTED. A Pegasus in heat arrives, it hasn't had sex for months, and it will do anything that moves.

I wish for world peace.

GRANTED! However you didn't say for WHICH world. Its Mars. All ready had it not having intelligent life on it, but now its peacier. I MADE A WORD!

I wish I had a giant robot to fight evil with!

Nov 19, 2012#248

Timmus

Granted but since evil is a concept rather than a tangible thing the giant robot is not very effective at fighting it.it looks cool though.

I wish I had a submarine.

Nov 19, 2012#249

Yoshimickster

Timmus said:
Granted but since evil is a concept rather than a tangible thing the giant robot is not very effective at fighting it.it looks cool though.

I wish I had a submarine.

GRANTED! However said submarine is actually Bravoman. And he won't let you ride in him.

I wish I didn't have to feel guilty about buying action figures.

Nov 19, 2012#250

CrimsonSoul

Yoshimickster said:
GRANTED! However said submarine is actually Bravoman. And he won't let you ride in him.

I wish I didn't have to feel guilty about buying action figures.

Granted. Now you buy barbies and masturbate to them.

I wish that I created a cure for all illnesses that have ever been and will ever be

Nov 19, 2012#251

bhamv3

CrimsonSoul said:
Granted. Now you buy barbies and masturbate to them.

I wish that I created a cure for all illnesses that have ever been and will ever be

Granted. Overpopulation leads to massive famine.

I wish a certain country, which shall remain nameless, is incinerated in a massive firestorm. Yes, all of it.

Nov 20, 2012#252

DarkAudit

Granted. Since the country isn't named, they're ALL incinerated, just to be sure.

I wish all the "real housewives" shows were canceled and the producers shot.

Nov 20, 2012#253

WasabiPoptart

Granted! And now we have 20 spin-offs of Honey Boo Boo and a live, unscripted show following Lindsey Lohan 24 hours a day.

I wish I could be more motivated in the morning.

Nov 20, 2012#254

Yoshimickster

WasabiPoptart said:
Granted! And now we have 20 spin-offs of Honey Boo Boo and a live, unscripted show following Lindsey Lohan 24 hours a day.

I wish I could be more motivated in the morning.

GRANTED! However you are now more motivated- TO SURVIVE! As from now on every time you wake up you need to battle fifty super goblins just to make breakfast. GOBLIN DOME!

I wish I had a legion of goblin soldiers.

Nov 20, 2012#255

Cheesy1

Granted! But for some reason, you don't use them for anything and all you seem to want to do anymore is to just play with your balls:

I wish for one night of unimaginable lust with Jennifer Connelly as she looked in her early twenties.

Nov 20, 2012#256

blotsfan

Granted! You get dinner with her. You lust a ton, but she doesn't seem too interested in you.

I wish I had a really nice house with free utilities and no taxes in a good neighborhood.

Nov 20, 2012#257

sixpackshaker

blotsfan said:
Granted! You get dinner with her. You lust a ton, but she doesn't seem too interested in you.

I wish I had a really nice house with free utilities and no taxes in a good neighborhood.

Granted, but your neighbors hate you for ruining the resale value of their homes, and they consider you a 47%, sucking the gov't teat.

I wish I could create a device that gives clean, renewable energy to the world.

Nov 20, 2012#258

blotsfan

Granted! But its powered by crushing living people. You're a monster.

I wish I had a healthy, baby, domesticated, odor-free skunk.

Nov 20, 2012#259

Yoshimickster

blotsfan said:
Granted! But its powered by crushing living people. You're a monster.

I wish I had a healthy, baby, domesticated, odor-free skunk.

GRANTED! However it is bio-engineered to be the perfect skunk...TOO perfect. It is one step above all humanity, IT SHALL DOMINATE THE WORLD! But at least it looks cute.

I wish I was friends with famed actor Christopher Walken.

Nov 20, 2012#260

Cheesy1

Granted! But all he likes to do is play video games, and he's a real dick to anyone else he plays with!

I wish I could teach the world to sing in perfect harmony.

Nov 20, 2012#261

strawman

Cheesy1 said:
Granted! But all he likes to do is play video games, and he's a real dick to anyone else he plays with!

I wish I could teach the world to sing in perfect harmony.

Granted. Everyone in the world is now able to utter only one frequency of sound, and it's the same note for every human. They are now in perfect harmony, even when speaking, and you die a little each time someone opens their mouth and speaks in pitch perfect monotone.

I wish companies would release all their products under open software and open hardware licenses 5 years after the product came to market.

Nov 20, 2012#262

blotsfan

Granted! In order to make up for the lost profits, prices are jacked up insanely in the meantime. If you're not rich, you're obsolete.

I wish I was big.

Nov 22, 2012#263

filmfanatic

blotsfan said:
Granted! In order to make up for the lost profits, prices are jacked up insanely in the meantime. If you're not rich, you're obsolete.

I wish I was big.

Granted! You are as big as Jupiter. Sadly, you are still unable to breathe in space.

I wish I was not feeling so full right now from eating Thanksgiving dinner and dessert.

Nov 22, 2012#264

Emrys

filmfanatic said:
I wish I was not feeling so full right now from eating Thanksgiving dinner and dessert.

Okey-dokey, you are Mr Creosote from Meaning of Life and you have just consumed a wafer-thin mint. You are no longer full.

I wish I could have enjoyed Thanksgiving dinner with my friends and family.

Nov 22, 2012#265

bhamv3

Emrys said:
Okey-dokey, you are Mr Creosote from Meaning of Life and you have just consumed a wafer-thin mint. You are no longer full.

I wish I could have enjoyed Thanksgiving dinner with my friends and family.

One of your family members brings a new boyfriend or girlfriend to dinner, to meet the family. This boyfriend or girlfriend just happens to be deathly allergic to weasels. An asthma attack ensues, followed by total cardiac arrest. The rest of dinner is awkward.

I wish I had Skyrim.

Nov 22, 2012#266

Cheesy1

Granted! Unfortunately, "Skyrim" is the name of a new sexually-transmitted disease that causes violent, geyser-like rectal bleeding.

I wish all cholesterol was good cholesterol.

Nov 22, 2012#267

Yoshimickster

Cheesy1 said:
Granted! Unfortunately, "Skyrim" is the name of a new sexually-transmitted disease that causes violent, geyser-like rectal bleeding.

I wish all cholesterol was good cholesterol.

GRANTED! However all cholesterol is good only for Timothy Bernstein of Hoboken, New York. He died yesterday. Would've done him some good if he knew before the dying and such.

I wish for a disintegration proof vest.

Nov 22, 2012#268

jwhouk

GRANTED! It melts instead.

I wish it didn't take three hours to get close to something resembling civilization.

Nov 23, 2012#269

Yoshimickster

jwhouk said:
GRANTED! It melts instead.

I wish it didn't take three hours to get close to something resembling civilization.

GRANTED! Now it takes FIVE HOURS! EVIL!

I wish for a pet bear that wouldn't kill me.

Nov 23, 2012#270

Gusto

Yoshimickster said:
GRANTED! Now it takes FIVE HOURS! EVIL!

I wish for a pet bear that wouldn't kill me.

It swallows you whole and you sear painfully in its digestive juices until it dies and decomposes.

I wish to be cured of my allergies.

Nov 23, 2012#271

Yoshimickster

Gusto said:
It swallows you whole and you sear painfully in its digestive juices until it dies and decomposes.

I wish to be cured of my allergies.

GRANTED! However in order to lose these allergies you must become part of the undead, A VAMPIRE! Sooooooooo, basically you traded a bunch of human allergies, for a bunch of vampire weaknesses. Can't get a break can ya?

I wish I could decide what to do for this party I'm hosting in December.

Nov 23, 2012#272

bhamv3

Yoshimickster said:
GRANTED! However in order to lose these allergies you must become part of the undead, A VAMPIRE! Sooooooooo, basically you traded a bunch of human allergies, for a bunch of vampire weaknesses. Can't get a break can ya?

I wish I could decide what to do for this party I'm hosting in December.

Granted! You come up with an awesome party idea, and put a lot of work into making it the best party ever.

No one comes.

I wish weekends lasted forever.

Nov 23, 2012#273

Gusto

Yoshimickster said:
Can't get a break can ya?

No. No I can't. My body has so many minor failings and they're becoming increasingly tedious and inconvenient to live with.

Nov 23, 2012#274

Yoshimickster

bhamv3 said:
Granted! You come up with an awesome party idea, and put a lot of work into making it the best party ever.

No one comes.

I wish weekends lasted forever.

GRANTED! However its the same weekend over and over again. And its not even a holiday or special occasion like Groundhog day or any of its knock-offs, its just a boring weekend where not much happens.

I wish I had a library of infinite wisdom in small tablet form.

Nov 23, 2012#275

DarkAudit

Granted. You immediately drop it. Nice job breaking it, hero.

I wish for a month of paid vacation, starting now.

Nov 23, 2012#276

Zappit

DarkAudit said:
Granted. You immediately drop it. Nice job breaking it, hero.

I wish for a month of paid vacation, starting now.

Granted. HR never would approve that, though, so you, and the manager who approved it, get shit-canned.

I wish the Not Top Ten on Sportscenter would expand to twenty bloopers.

Nov 23, 2012#277

Yoshimickster

Zappit said:
Granted. HR never would approve that, though, so you, and the manager who approved it, get shit-canned.

I wish the Not Top Ten on Sportscenter would expand to twenty bloopers.

GRANTED! However 10 of the bloopers are just different shots of the same blooper. Monotonous, isn't it?

I wish the perfect beer cozy that could fit any beer.

Nov 23, 2012#278

Emrys

Yoshimickster said:
GRANTED! However 10 of the bloopers are just different shots of the same blooper. Monotonous, isn't it?

I wish the perfect beer cozy that could fit any beer.

Its magical abilities immediately warm your beer to 100C. It's very cozy and you can use it as a hot water bottle but don't try drinking it.

I wish Canadian winters were warmer.

Nov 23, 2012#279

Yoshimickster

Emrys said:
Its magical abilities immediately warm your beer to 100C. It's very cozy and you can use it as a hot water bottle but don't try drinking it.

I wish Canadian winters were warmer.

GRANTED! However that is only because the Earth's rotation stopped during Winter causing the Earth to be in a constant blazing heat on your side. You gon' feel all sorts of sweaty.

I wish for heat beam eyes.

Nov 24, 2012#280

WasabiPoptart

Granted! However, the only way to turn it off is to close your eyes as your eyeballs and surrounding skin are impervious to the heat beams. You are horribly disfigured due to the many burns and your parents need a new house. You have also gotten a little tired of friends playing Firestarter at parties because they think it's hilarious.

I wish for world peace.

Nov 24, 2012#281

DarkAudit

Granted. That world is Ceti Alpha VI.

I wish for tonight's winning Powerball numbers.

Nov 24, 2012#282

Gusto

DarkAudit said:
Granted. That world is Ceti Alpha VI.

I wish for tonight's winning Powerball numbers.

THIS IS CETI ALPHA FIIIIVE!

Nov 24, 2012#283

bhamv3

DarkAudit said:
Granted. That world is Ceti Alpha VI.

I wish for tonight's winning Powerball numbers.

You shall have them precisely one second after tonight's Powerball numbers are drawn.

I wish to be a master swordsman.

Nov 24, 2012#284

Yoshimickster

bhamv3 said:
You shall have them precisely one second after tonight's Powerball numbers are drawn.

I wish to be a master swordsman.

GRANTED! However you have to ally yourself with the World Government, and split the profits you steal from pirates with them. Also you will have to train a dude who will probably end up killing you. So yeah, your life could be better.

I wish for an army of robot bears.

Nov 25, 2012#285

bhamv3

Yoshimickster said:
GRANTED! However you have to ally yourself with the World Government, and split the profits you steal from pirates with them. Also you will have to train a dude who will probably end up killing you. So yeah, your life could be better.

I wish for an army of robot bears.

Granted! They break free from your control, take over the world and rename our planet Ursa. The created will always rebel against the creators, after all.

I wish for an end to world hunger.

Nov 25, 2012#286

Yoshimickster

bhamv3 said:
Granted! They break free from your control, take over the world and rename our planet Ursa. The created will always rebel against the creators, after all.

I wish for an end to world hunger.

GRANTED! The world is now no longer hungry. Everyone living thing ON the world is still hungry though.

I wish for no more made for DVD sequels that don't feature any of the original cast.

Nov 26, 2012#287

Cajungal

Yoshimickster said:
GRANTED! The world is now no longer hungry. Everyone living thing ON the world is still hungry though.

I wish for no more made for DVD sequels that don't feature any of the original cast.

Granted. Instead, crappy struggling actors will strap you down and act out direct-to-DVD-worthy sequels for you.
But don't worry; the crew will be there to moisten your pried-open eyes.

I wish I were a famous jazz singer.

Nov 26, 2012#288

Yoshimickster

Cajungal said:
Granted. Instead, crappy struggling actors will strap you down and act out direct-to-DVD-worthy sequels for you.
But don't worry; the crew will be there to moisten your pried-open eyes.

I wish I were a famous jazz singer.

GRANTED! However you are INTERNET FAMOUS! And none of your fans make it to your show because people illegally download your stuff.

I wish I had a life time supply of root beer.

Nov 26, 2012#289

blotsfan

Granted! Your house is destroyed in the great root beer flood of 2012.

I wish I didn't grow facial hair other than eyebrows.

Nov 26, 2012#290

Cajungal

blotsfan said:
Granted! Your house is destroyed in the great root beer flood of 2012.

I wish I didn't grow facial hair other than eyebrows.

Granted, but your eyebrows grow up to 6 feet long every day, and you have to constantly trim them.

I wish I could have a one night stand with Liam Neeson.

Nov 26, 2012#291

Yoshimickster

Cajungal said:
Granted, but your eyebrows grow up to 6 feet long every day, and you have to constantly trim them.

I wish I could have a one night stand with Liam Neeson.

GRANTED! However he blogs about it and the paparazzi follow you like the plague, until you drive into a wall saddening millions. I HOPE YOUR HAPPY!

I wish for a pony! And not for that reason you perverts, I just like animals.

Nov 26, 2012#292

Cajungal

Yoshimickster said:
GRANTED! However he blogs about it and the paparazzi follow you like the plague, until you drive into a wall saddening millions. I HOPE YOUR HAPPY!

I wish for a pony! And not for that reason you perverts, I just like animals.

Granted, but the pony wants to be more than friends and it's very persuasive. I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY! (That's for ruining my dreams of Liam. :mad:

)

I wish I were the owner of a successful breakfast and brunch restaurant.

Nov 26, 2012#293

Yoshimickster

Cajungal said:
Granted, but the pony wants to be more than friends and it's very persuasive. I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY! (That's for ruining my dreams of Liam. )

I wish I were the owner of a successful breakfast and brunch restaurant.

GRANTED-for one week! Then it get smashed by an asteroid. The insurance doesn't cover it.

I wish I had a delicious doughnut.

Nov 26, 2012#294

filmfanatic

Yoshimickster said:
GRANTED-for one week! Then it get smashed by an asteroid. The insurance doesn't cover it.

I wish I had a delicious doughnut.

Granted! The doughnut is so delicious, you cannot even think of eating anything else. You gorge yourself on more and more of the doughnuts until you become morbidly obese.

I wish that my high school senior prom had been a success, both in terms of being fun and in terms of dating.

Nov 26, 2012#295

bhamv3

Yoshimickster said:
GRANTED-for one week! Then it get smashed by an asteroid. The insurance doesn't cover it.

I wish I had a delicious doughnut.

Granted! The price of this donut, though, is YOUR SOUL.

I wish I could become a successful Broadway star.[DOUBLEPOST=1353988747][/DOUBLEPOST]

filmfanatic said:
Granted! The doughnut is so delicious, you cannot even think of eating anything else. You gorge yourself on more and more of the doughnuts until you become morbidly obese.

I wish that my high school senior prom had been a success, both in terms of being fun and in terms of dating.

Gah ninja'd again.

Granted! You meet the girl of your dreams, and ask her to prom, and you have a great time. You exchange info, and promise to go out again sometime soon. She is then devoured by a runaway circus bear.

I still wish to become a successful Broadway star.

Nov 26, 2012#296

Yoshimickster

bhamv3 said:
I still wish to become a successful Broadway star.

GRANTED! However after getting your Tony, you become incredibly self-centered and shut out everyone in your life. You end up dying of fifteen drug over-doses, and get 30 books and movies based on your life story.

I wish I wouldn't get so sick at times.

Nov 26, 2012#297

filmfanatic

Yoshimickster said:
GRANTED! However after getting your Tony, you become incredibly self-centered and shut out everyone in your life. You end up dying of fifteen drug over-doses, and get 30 books and movies based on your life story.

I wish I wouldn't get so sick at times.

Granted. You never get sick yourself. The people around you, however, are knocked off their feet with illness. Turns out you're carrying a supervirus in your system and your body got used to it before it could hurt you.

I wish I had a Green Lantern Corps power ring.

Nov 26, 2012#298

bhamv3

Yoshimickster said:
GRANTED! However after getting your Tony, you become incredibly self-centered and shut out everyone in your life. You end up dying of fifteen drug over-doses, and get 30 books and movies based on your life story.

I wish I wouldn't get so sick at times.

I fail to see how that's a bad thing.

Anyway, GRANTED! You receive perfect health. Your body maintains total health and vitality through the rest of your life, but your mind doesn't. At age 110 or so, you become a very physically healthy but mentally demented mess. You lash out at everyone around you, because you can no longer understand what's going on, and because you're so buff and healthy, you physically beat up most of your friends and family. In the end, you accidentally walk into traffic and get killed by a bus, though you put a pretty big dent in the bus in the process.

I wish I looked good in a tux.[DOUBLEPOST=1353989170][/DOUBLEPOST]

filmfanatic said:
Granted. You never get sick yourself. The people around you, however, are knocked off their feet with illness. Turns out you're carrying a supervirus in your system and your body got used to it before it could hurt you.

I wish I had a Green Lantern Corps power ring.

Aaaand ninja'd again. Stop doing that, dude!

Your Green Lantern ring doesn't come with a Lantern or any other charging device. It's good for around twelve seconds of power, then it'll die.

I still wish to look good in a tux.

Nov 26, 2012#299

filmfanatic

bhamv3 said:
I fail to see how that's a bad thing.

Anyway, GRANTED! You receive perfect health. Your body maintains total health and vitality through the rest of your life, but your mind doesn't. At age 110 or so, you become a very physically healthy but mentally demented mess. You lash out at everyone around you, because you can no longer understand what's going on, and because you're so buff and healthy, you physically beat up most of your friends and family. In the end, you accidentally walk into traffic and get killed by a bus, though you put a pretty big dent in the bus in the process.

I wish I looked good in a tux.[DOUBLEPOST=1353989170][/DOUBLEPOST]

Aaaand ninja'd again. Stop doing that, dude!

Your Green Lantern ring doesn't come with a Lantern or any other charging device. It's good for around twelve seconds of power, then it'll die.

I still wish to look good in a tux.

Granted! You're now Oswald Cobblepot, otherwise known as the Penguin. You do look good in a tux, but it doesn't do much good against the beatings from Batman.

I wish to have a genie under my command.

Nov 26, 2012#300

Yoshimickster

filmfanatic said:
Granted! You're now Oswald Cobblepot, otherwise known as the Penguin. You do look good in a tux, but it doesn't do much good against the beatings from Batman.

I wish to have a genie under my command.

GRANTED! However, the genie is Kazam! Have fun with that.

I wish I had a bull dog.

Nov 26, 2012#301

Cheesy1

Granted! You have an abomination that's half dog, half bull. It gets free and begins to breed. Soon the world is overrun and terrorized by packs of these evil creatures.

I wish this thread would go on forever!

Nov 26, 2012#302

Yoshimickster

Cheesy1 said:
Granted! You have an abomination that's half dog, half bull. It gets free and begins to breed. Soon the world is overrun and terrorized by packs of these evil creatures.

I wish this thread would go on forever!

I will love my mutant dog monsters with fervor.

GRANTED! However it gets less enjoyable as time goes on, and it causes all of us to go into stage 5 depressions making us lie on the floor all day listening to Linkin park like a Myspace poster.

I wish I never read all the awful web-comics I've read.

Nov 26, 2012#303

Cajungal

Yoshimickster said:
I will love my mutant dog monsters with fervor.

GRANTED! However it gets less enjoyable as time goes on, and it causes all of us to go into stage 5 depressions making us lie on the floor all day listening to Linkin park like a Myspace poster.

I wish I never read all the awful web-comics I've read.

Granted. Instead, you spent your time writing love letters to Stephanie Meyer, collecting things out of her garbage, and sending her sketches of what your children would look like.

I wish I had enough money to spend the rest of my life as a benevolent weirdo, traveling around helping everyone I meet.

Nov 26, 2012#304

Cheesy1

Cajungal said:
Granted. Instead, you spent your time writing love letters to Stephanie Meyer, collecting things out of her garbage, and sending her sketches of what your children would look like.

I wish I had enough money to spend the rest of my life as a benevolent weirdo, traveling around helping everyone I meet.

Granted! But you aren't just satisfied helping people in the here and now. Using your abundant wealth, you create a device that allows you to "leap" through time in other people's bodies. And so you find yourself leaping from life to life, striving to put right what once went wrong, and hoping that each time your next leap . . . will be the leap home!

I wish that the next Star Trek television series is actually good this time.

Nov 26, 2012#305

Yoshimickster

Cheesy1 said:
Granted! But you aren't just satisfied helping people in the here and now. Using your abundant wealth, you create a device that allows you to "leap" through time in other people's bodies. And so you find yourself leaping from life to life, striving to put right what once went wrong, and hoping that each time your next leap . . . will be the leap home!

I wish that the next Star Trek television series is actually good this time.

GRANTED! However logically being a good American sci-fi series in the 21st century, it gets cancelled after 3 episodes. Its a wish granting that corrupts itself!

I wish for a bucket.

Nov 26, 2012#306

WasabiPoptart

Granted. But it's full of...something gel-ish, beige-pink, and off smelling that you cannot readily identify. :confused:

Dafuq is this? Blech.

I wish I had strawberries that would not go bad and were still edible despite whatever is keeping them from spoiling.

Nov 26, 2012#307

Yoshimickster

WasabiPoptart said:
Granted. But it's full of...something gel-ish, beige-pink, and off smelling that you cannot readily identify. Dafuq is this? Blech.

I wish I had strawberries that would not go bad and were still edible despite whatever is keeping them from spoiling.

GRANTED! However while they are edible and taste all-right, after three straw-berries your body becomes so full of preservatives that you body stiffens up ala rigor mortis. And yet you still LIVE! The statue woman the media calls you, many wondering whether you still think! It is a fate worse than death.

I wish they'd make a new Megaman game.

Nov 27, 2012#308

filmfanatic

Yoshimickster said:
GRANTED! However while they are edible and taste all-right, after three straw-berries your body becomes so full of preservatives that you body stiffens up ala rigor mortis. And yet you still LIVE! The statue woman the media calls you, many wondering whether you still think! It is a fate worse than death.

I wish they'd make a new Megaman game.

Granted. It is a Mega Man RPG and you can only play it on iPad or iPhone.

I wish someone started a new truth or dare thread.

Nov 27, 2012#309

bhamv3

filmfanatic said:
Granted. It is a Mega Man RPG and you can only play it on iPad or iPhone.

I wish someone started a new truth or dare thread.

Granted! Mods lock it after the first dare is "post a picture of yourself naked" and Dave obliges. Apparently the flappy hooties landed at least seven forumites in therapy.

I wish I had amazing computer hacking skills.

Nov 27, 2012#310

Yoshimickster

filmfanatic said:
Granted. It is a Mega Man RPG and you can only play it on iPad or iPhone.

....oh no! That...that is not what fans wanted....at all. Maybe not on the iPad or Iphone but...yeah that sounds awesome.

bhamv3 said:
Granted! Mods lock it after the first dare is "post a picture of yourself naked" and Dave obliges. Apparently the flappy hooties landed at least seven forumites in therapy.

I wish I had amazing computer hacking skills.

GRANTED! However, at you end up being arrested for trying to sink a bunch of oil tankers and framing a bunch of teenagers.

I wish I had a real life pet monster.

Nov 28, 2012#311

DarkAudit

Granted. It does what monsters do, and eats you before you even get out of the pet monster store.

I wish I had a Star Trek-style replicator filled with all the recipes from Good Eats.

Nov 29, 2012#312

blotsfan

Granted! It eats up too much power to be used though.

I wish I could see the Buffalo Bills win the super bowl.

Nov 29, 2012#313

Yoshimickster

blotsfan said:
Granted! It eats up too much power to be used though.

I wish I could see the Buffalo Bills win the super bowl.

GRANTED! However it turns out it was only because they are know coached by Bill Belichick. Have fun having that on your conscience!

I wish I had a bag of holding.

Nov 29, 2012#314

blotsfan

First of all, I would love that a ton

Anywhom, granted! The bag hase infinite capacity! Good luck getting anything out of it though.

I wish I was healthy and in shape

Nov 29, 2012#315

Yoshimickster

blotsfan said:
First of all, I would love that a ton

Anywhom, granted! The bag hase infinite capacity! Good luck getting anything out of it though.

I wish I was healthy and in shape

GRANTED! However this is only because you have been drafted into the American super soldier program, and are drafted to go to war! However you get shot down because you were mislead and didn't know you didn't have Wolverine level healing.

I wish I had Dr. Octopus arms that I had complete control over.

Nov 29, 2012#316

filmfanatic

Yoshimickster said:
GRANTED! However this is only because you have been drafted into the American super soldier program, and are drafted to go to war! However you get shot down because you were mislead and didn't know you didn't have Wolverine level healing.

I wish I had Dr. Octopus arms that I had complete control over.

Granted! However, a freak lab accident destroys the inhibitor chip that was giving you complete control over the arms. The advanced A.I.s in the tentacles began influencing your thoughts and actions, turning you into an insane criminal.

I wish I had a healing factor like Wolverine.

Nov 29, 2012#317

Yoshimickster

filmfanatic said:
Granted! However, a freak lab accident destroys the inhibitor chip that was giving you complete control over the arms. The advanced A.I.s in the tentacles began influencing your thoughts and actions, turning you into an insane criminal.

I wish I had a healing factor like Wolverine.

GRANTED! However right after you get said healing factor you get decapitated by the Muramasa blade, and your head is buried 500,000 miles underground, on unnamed planet, in an unknown dimension. And it was your first issue too!

I wish for more potatoes.

Nov 29, 2012#318

blotsfan

Granted! The potatoes crush you to death.

I wish I always had very fast internet access.

Nov 29, 2012#319

Yoshimickster

blotsfan said:
Granted! The potatoes crush you to death.

I wish I always had very fast internet access.

GRANTED! However it is too fast for you to keep up with, causing you to go into shock because of the speed. You end up becoming fearful of all advancements of technology, and become a hermit.

I wish for a cyborg gorilla that wouldn't harm me in any way, or anyone I care about.

Nov 29, 2012#320

strawman

Yoshimickster said:
GRANTED! However it is too fast for you to keep up with, causing you to go into shock because of the speed. You end up becoming fearful of all advancements of technology, and become a hermit.

I wish for a cyborg gorilla that wouldn't harm me in any way, or anyone I care about.

Granted. He only goes after people that those you care about care about. Soon everyone leaves you alone, knowing that their friends and family will be killed should they get close to you.

I wish.

Nov 29, 2012#321

Cheesy1

Granted! You wish for nothing. Everything becomes nothing. Thanks.

I wish for the Earth's resources to never run out and that its atmosphere and water was self-cleaning.

Nov 29, 2012#322

Yoshimickster

Cheesy1 said:
Granted! You wish for nothing. Everything becomes nothing. Thanks.

I wish for the Earth's resources to never run out and that its atmosphere and water was self-cleaning.

Granted. However after being self-sufficient for a while it also becomes self-aware, and gets rid of all things it finds useless which includes us.

I wish I was part of a team of super heroes!

Nov 29, 2012#323

bhamv3

Yoshimickster said:
Granted. However after being self-sufficient for a while it also becomes self-aware, and gets rid of all things it finds useless which includes us.

I wish I was part of a team of super heroes!

Granted! However, you receive no super powers. In your first battle against a super villain, despite your team mates' best efforts to protect you, you are slain.

I wish I had an awesome name.

Nov 29, 2012#324

Yoshimickster

bhamv3 said:
Granted! However, you receive no super powers. In your first battle against a super villain, despite your team mates' best efforts to protect you, you are slain.

I wish I had an awesome name.

GRANTED! However it is so awesome that it overshadows someone with a slightly less awesome name. That person becomes vengeful, and takes revenge on you by breaking all your things! And then your legs! And your arms! And he writes you a nasty letter! Not a nice man.

I wish I had more time on my hands.

Nov 29, 2012#325

DarkAudit

Granted! Here are the last 10 years worth of TIME Magazine.

I wish all of Rupert Murdoch's news outlets would go bankrupt all at once.

Nov 30, 2012#326

CrimsonSoul

DarkAudit said:
Granted! Here are the last 10 years worth of TIME Magazine.

I wish all of Rupert Murdoch's news outlets would go bankrupt all at once.

Granted, however Rupert Murdoch had a stake in every porn company on the internet and they all go under too leaving the internet with no porn.

I wish they never cancelled Jericho because that show was awesome.

Nov 30, 2012#327

strawman

CrimsonSoul said:
Granted, however Rupert Murdoch had a stake in every porn company on the internet and they all go under too leaving the internet with no porn.

I wish they never cancelled Jericho because that show was awesome.

Granted. Using a time machine the director went back and fed himself notes that end up ruining the show. Rather than being cancelled because it was awesome, it was cancelled because it sucked.

I wish a cheap, mass manufacturable water purifying device were invented to solve water problems in areas of the world where safe water was readily available.

Nov 30, 2012#328

Yoshimickster

stienman said:
Granted. Using a time machine the director went back and fed himself notes that end up ruining the show. Rather than being cancelled because it was awesome, it was cancelled because it sucked.

I wish a cheap, mass manufacturable water purifying device were invented to solve water problems in areas of the world where safe water was readily available.

GRANTED! However the areas of the world where safe water isn't readily available still have problems. Really should've phrased that better.

I wish I was the don of the mafia.

Nov 30, 2012#329

Cajungal

GRANTED! You are Don, the guy who cleans the toilets at their "place of business." And they eat a lot of fiber.

I wish I could see a whale in real life.

Nov 30, 2012#330

Yoshimickster

Cajungal said:
GRANTED! You are Don, the guy who cleans the toilets at their "place of business." And they eat a lot of fiber.

I wish I could see a whale in real life.

GRANTED! However it is right after you fell off a boat, and you only see the whale as it swallows you whole.

I wish I could watch any show I like whenever I want.

Nov 30, 2012#331

jwhouk

GRANTED! You get the Hopper from Dish. Unfortunately, you have no dish, nor TV to use with it.

I wish I had a fish.

Nov 30, 2012#332

Yoshimickster

jwhouk said:
GRANTED! You get the Hopper from Dish. Unfortunately, you have no dish, nor TV to use with it.

I wish I had a fish.

Granted, but its a Majikarp that can never evolve nor learn any moves. Also from what I've heard, he probably wouldn't taste very good.

I wish I was a Cybertronian.

Dec 3, 2012#333

blotsfan

Granted! However, you're just a racist stereotype.

I wish I could always think of a snappy comeback on the spot.

Dec 3, 2012#334

Yoshimickster

blotsfan said:
Granted! However, you're just a racist stereotype.

I wish I could always think of a snappy comeback on the spot.

GRANTED! However you the "spot" is a physical location where you have to stand in order to make snappy come-backs. And if you ever leave you become as witty as a jar of peanut butter. Also the spot is out-side, and there be all sorts of snakes.

I wish they'd make a second season to Strong Bad's cool game for attractive people.

Dec 5, 2012#335

bhamv3

Yoshimickster said:
GRANTED! However you the "spot" is a physical location where you have to stand in order to make snappy come-backs. And if you ever leave you become as witty as a jar of peanut butter. Also the spot is out-side, and there be all sorts of snakes.

I wish they'd make a second season to Strong Bad's cool game for attractive people.

Granted! And they even take out a restraining order against Uwe Boll to prevent him directing the movie adaptation. Unfortunately, Ang Lee gets his hands on the movie version, turning it into an angsty humorless drama about the relationship between Strong Bad and his father. Keanu Reeves plays Strong Bad.

I wish I had the world's most delicious bread to eat.

Dec 5, 2012#336

Yoshimickster

bhamv3 said:
Granted! And they even take out a restraining order against Uwe Boll to prevent him directing the movie adaptation. Unfortunately, Ang Lee gets his hands on the movie version, turning it into an angsty humorless drama about the relationship between Strong Bad and his father. Keanu Reeves plays Strong Bad.

I wish I had the world's most delicious bread to eat.

Granted, it even regenerates after every time you eat it! But you become obsessed with it, it is the only thing you live for, and the only thing you eat. Your body needs other nutrients but you are so full of carbohydrates you just become a gigantic slob.

I wish for a cure to my procrastination!

Dec 5, 2012#337

strawman

Yoshimickster said:
Granted, it even regenerates after every time you eat it! But you become obsessed with it, it is the only thing you live for, and the only thing you eat. Your body needs other nutrients but you are so full of carbohydrates you just become a gigantic slob.

I wish for a cure to my procrastination!

Granted! The cure exists, but you never get around to taking it.

I wish nuclear reactors could be made as small and safe as jewelry you can wear, and you never need to worry about power plants or batteries again.

Dec 5, 2012#338

DarkAudit

Granted. They could be, but as there's no profit in it, no one ever makes any, and the energy cartels see to it that no one ever does.

I wish I could take a lap of the old Spa-Francorchamps course in a Ford GT 40

Dec 5, 2012#339

Gared

(Sorry, no idea how in the hell that even happened.)

Dec 5, 2012#340

bhamv3

Gared said:
I'd like to meet the guy who set up the brakes on my car and beat him to death with his own spanner. I cannot think of a time, under any circumstances, when it would be good to have your brakes stop working if you hit a slick surface. Keep them from locking up? Sure. That sounds great. But to have the brake pedal go all the way to the floor as soon as one (or more) of your tires hits a slick surface, and then have to pump the brakes 10 or so times before they'll work for anything more than a quick tap? No, fuck that.

I was gently braking (to briefly slow down) as I crossed an expansion joint in the rain, and the pedal went to the floor, causing me to need to pump the brakes before I could use them properly again. Would have been fine if I'd been coming to a complete stop, but I wasn't; so instead I had to leave like 10 car lengths between me and the car in front of me and use the transmission (thank god I drive a manual) for 4 miles until traffic finally came to a halt on the freeway. Who thought this was a good idea?

.... granted. You are then arrested and sentenced for murder.

I wish Gared's brakes worked properly

Dec 5, 2012#341

jwhouk

(Psst, Gared: wrong thread)

Dec 5, 2012#342

Yoshimickster

bhamv3 said:
.... granted. You are then arrested and sentenced for murder.

I wish Gared's brakes worked properly

GRANTED! However this wish goes back in time and fixes Gared's brakes, causing him to not post on this thread, causing him to not make you wish for Gared's brakes to be fixed. So basically he's stuck in the same situation as before. Paradoxes, what can you do?

I wish for an unbreakable comb.

Dec 6, 2012#343

mikerc

Granted! Unfortunately it pulls your hair out by the root every time you use it. In a week you're bald.

I wish for a white christmas.

Dec 6, 2012#344

blotsfan

Granted! The Klans takeover is a complete success.
I wish Frank would own THQ

Dec 9, 2012#345

bhamv3

blotsfan said:
Granted! The Klans takeover is a complete success.
I wish Frank would own THQ

Frank's buyout of all THQ stock goes smoothly and he becomes sole owner of THQ. He reshapes the company to make police simulation software while also producing games. Thanks to the lucrative government funding, THQ prospers, with both its simulation software division and its games division dominating their respective markets. The simulation software does so well, however, and the police forces become incredibly efficient and increasingly brutal, infringing on civil rights with near-total impunity. The public's resistance is flimsy at best, in part due to fear, and in part because everyone's having too much fun playing Saints Row 12: Johnny and Aisha Get Married. Eventually the police conduct a bloodless coup and turn America into a totalitarian police state. Future generations remember THQ, and Frank in particular, as the catalyst for the death of democracy in America.

I wish I could read the mind of anyone I wanted, but could turn it on and off at will, so I wouldn't be overwhelmed by all the psychic input.

Dec 9, 2012#346

Yoshimickster

bhamv3 said:
Frank's buyout of all THQ stock goes smoothly and he becomes sole owner of THQ. He reshapes the company to make police simulation software while also producing games. Thanks to the lucrative government funding, THQ prospers, with both its simulation software division and its games division dominating their respective markets. The simulation software does so well, however, and the police forces become incredibly efficient and increasingly brutal, infringing on civil rights with near-total impunity. The public's resistance is flimsy at best, in part due to fear, and in part because everyone's having too much fun playing Saints Row 12: Johnny and Aisha Get Married. Eventually the police conduct a bloodless coup and turn America into a totalitarian police state. Future generations remember THQ, and Frank in particular, as the catalyst for the death of democracy in America.

I wish I could read the mind of anyone I wanted, but could turn it on and off at will, so I wouldn't be overwhelmed by all the psychic input.

GRANTED! However every time you turn it off, you go into a coma! Yet another incredibly inconvenient mutant power, thanks Marvel!

I wish I had the ability to create any physical object with my mind.

Dec 9, 2012#347

strawman

Granted. You are given instructions which allow you to create any physical object with bits of your brain. For every kilogram of physical mass you wish to create, it costs approximately one gram of brain matter. Doctors indicate you can probably manage to create about 200 kg of objects before you lose the ability to think.

I wish all the movies I wanted to see were available on Netflix.

Dec 9, 2012#348

blotsfan

Granted! But as a result of getting all those rights, Netflix raises its price to $250 a month.

I wish I was an expert programmer.

Dec 9, 2012#349

Yoshimickster

blotsfan said:
Granted! But as a result of getting all those rights, Netflix raises its price to $250 a month.

I wish I was an expert programmer.

GRANTED! However you are only an expert programmer of Furbies, which as we all know will stop being popular after a year or two. Because seriously, they are creepy as fuck.

I wish I could turn into a wolf without the whole "killing everyone I care about" deal.

Dec 10, 2012#350

WasabiPoptart

Granted! But the only wolf you can turn into is the Tex Avery-style wolf from old cartoons.

Which means you basically act like Sanji around attractive women. But since most women do not appreciate this behavior you're always in trouble for harassment.

I wish I had three more days so there would be 8 days until Friday.

Dec 10, 2012#351

filmfanatic

Granted! However, they are three of the most mind-numbing days every week and make you desperate for Fridays.

I wish that I had a successful night out with Emma Stone.

Dec 10, 2012#352

bhamv3

filmfanatic said:
Granted! However, they are three of the most mind-numbing days every week and make you desperate for Fridays.

I wish that I had a successful night out with Emma Stone.

Granted! You two have a great night out, really hit it off, and even trade a few flirtatious remarks and touches. At the end of the evening, you walk her to her place, and she asks you teasingly if you'd like to come up for some coffee. So you agree, and you head up into her apartment, where you are immediately beaten up by Andrew Garfield.

I wish I was the ruler of a beautiful planet populated by nothing but beautiful women.

Dec 10, 2012#353

Gusto

bhamv3 said:
Granted! You two have a great night out, really hit it off, and even trade a few flirtatious remarks and touches. At the end of the evening, you walk her to her place, and she asks you teasingly if you'd like to come up for some coffee. So you agree, and you head up into her apartment, where you are immediately beaten up by Andrew Garfield.

I wish I was the ruler of a beautiful planet populated by nothing but beautiful women.

Granted! Soon:

I wish for a smartphone.

Dec 10, 2012#354

bhamv3

Gusto said:
Granted! Soon:

I wish for a smartphone.

I'm okay with this!

On a trip to a bar, you notice the guy next to you accidentally left his phone behind when he left. You pick it up and realize it's a prototype iPhone 6. With no way to find the guy who left it there, you claim it for your own. Unfortunately, Apple, having learned their lesson from previous fiascoes, equipped the prototype with an internal self-destruct device. It blows up in the middle of the night, maiming you.

I wish I no longer needed sleep, and could stay awake 24 hours a day with no negative effects.

Dec 10, 2012#355

Yoshimickster

bhamv3 said:
I'm okay with this!

On a trip to a bar, you notice the guy next to you accidentally left his phone behind when he left. You pick it up and realize it's a prototype iPhone 6. With no way to find the guy who left it there, you claim it for your own. Unfortunately, Apple, having learned their lesson from previous fiascoes, equipped the prototype with an internal self-destruct device. It blows up in the middle of the night, maiming you.

I wish I no longer needed sleep, and could stay awake 24 hours a day with no negative effects.

Granted! However because your life is no like one big day, time begins to lose all meaning to you. You end up forgetting calendars all together, and your schedule is just a mess.

I wish Also Bagels would update again.

Dec 10, 2012#356

WasabiPoptart

Also Bagels is updated...and it's new incarnations is called Now With Lox!

I wish I could invent a transporter.

Dec 10, 2012#357

strawman

Granted: https://www.google.com/search?q=the+fly&tbm=isch

I wish the wires I had to splice in my car tonight weren't encased in this horrible, sticky insulation that required extra work and care to remove without damaging the wires.

Dec 11, 2012#358

CrimsonSoul

stienman said:
Granted: https://www.google.com/search?q=the+fly&tbm=isch

I wish the wires I had to splice in my car tonight weren't encased in this horrible, sticky insulation that required extra work and care to remove without damaging the wires.

Granted you spliced the wrong wires. The wires you were suppose to splice, however we're covered in sticky insulation that required extra work

I wish that I could impregnate women at will mwahaha.

Dec 11, 2012#359

Yoshimickster

CrimsonSoul said:
Granted you spliced the wrong wires. The wires you were suppose to splice, however we're covered in sticky insulation that required extra work

I wish that I could impregnate women at will mwahaha.

GRANTED! However the children of said impregnation immediately turn into Jersey Devil like monsters and each eat a small part of your body.

I wish I had a super jaw, able to bite through anything.

Dec 11, 2012#360

strawman

Yoshimickster said:
GRANTED! However the children of said impregnation immediately turn into Jersey Devil like monsters and each eat a small part of your body.

I wish I had a super jaw, able to bite through anything.

Granted! Your teeth and cranium, however, are not strong enough to support your massive jaw strength. The next time you eat your head collapses in on itself so hard it forms a micro black hole, which dives into the earth and slowly eats away the core of the earth.

But you no longer care.

I still wish for snow.

Dec 11, 2012#361

bhamv3

stienman said:
Granted! Your teeth and cranium, however, are not strong enough to support your massive jaw strength. The next time you eat your head collapses in on itself so hard it forms a micro black hole, which dives into the earth and slowly eats away the core of the earth.

But you no longer care.

I still wish for snow.

Granted. It is yellow.

I wish I had a butler.

Dec 11, 2012#362

Yoshimickster

bhamv3 said:
Granted. It is yellow.

I wish I had a butler.

GRANTED! But Scott Kurtz ruins him by turning him into a terrible running joke.

I wish I could focus.

Dec 11, 2012#363

jwhouk

GRANTED!

It runs you over.

I wish the snow we have was transported, completely and safely, to Hawaii. Just so Wasabi could "see snow".

Dec 11, 2012#364

strawman

All the snow on the surface of the earth is instantly tranported to the various islands of Hawaii. It is, in fact, the last thing the inhabitants see.

I wish the person who drove slowly this morning in a 55mph zone would receive whatever they require in their life that would make them comfortable and able to drive at the speed limit safely.

Dec 11, 2012#365

WasabiPoptart

Granted! That person requires a lower speed limit. He or she becomes an advocate to have the legal limit dropped to 35 mph, even on highways, using a platform of safety and conservation. Despite any facts to the contrary, the movement picks up popularity and a law is passed to lower speed limits across the US. (Thanks for the statewide avalanche, btw.

)

I wish I was more creative when it comes to cooking.

Dec 11, 2012#366

sixpackshaker

Granted, but your recipes all involve SPAM. So nothing tastes that good.

I wish for a peaceful Christmas.

Dec 11, 2012#367

bhamv3

sixpackshaker said:
Granted, but your recipes all involve SPAM. So nothing tastes that good.

I wish for a peaceful Christmas.

Granted! You are transported back in time to the Christmas Truce of WW1. The spontaneous ceasefire is heartwarming and a welcome respite from all the fighting, though that doesn't change the fact that you're hundreds of miles from home and have been stuck in a muddy trench for months. It's cold and wet and you haven't had a decent meal or a night's sleep for literally weeks, but at least no one's shooting anyone today, on Christmas.

The next day you're shot by a sniper.

I wish I could be an expert sniper.

Dec 11, 2012#368

filmfanatic

Granted. A spy sneaks up behind you and stabs you in the back. Guess the Scout's warnings were right.

I wish for happiness to all of my fellow Halforumites.

Dec 11, 2012#369

Yoshimickster

filmfanatic said:
Granted. A spy sneaks up behind you and stabs you in the back. Guess the Scout's warnings were right.

I wish for happiness to all of my fellow Halforumites.

GRANTED! However we only get to feel this happiness five seconds before the Vogons destroy the planet.

I wish I could feel more chill.

Dec 11, 2012#370

filmfanatic

Granted! One blast from Mr. Freeze's freeze ray and you're certainly feeling more chill.

I wish for the power to cause people to have instant orgasms at will.

Dec 11, 2012#371

Yoshimickster

filmfanatic said:
Granted! One blast from Mr. Freeze's freeze ray and you're certainly feeling more chill.

I wish for the power to cause people to have instant orgasms at will.

GRANTED! However once you orgasmaray them they don't stop orgasming, and become catatonic.

I wish for a mech suit.

Dec 12, 2012#372

filmfanatic

Granted! However, the instruction manual is extremely complicated, so you decide to ignore it and try to figure things out as you go along. Two hours and a destroyed Manhatten later, you've got the entire U.S. military barreling down on you and you still haven't figured out how to activate the protective force fields.

I wish I were more clever.

Dec 12, 2012#373

Yoshimickster

filmfanatic said:
Granted! However, the instruction manual is extremely complicated, so you decide to ignore it and try to figure things out as you go along. Two hours and a destroyed Manhatten later, you've got the entire U.S. military barreling down on you and you still haven't figured out how to activate the protective force fields.

I wish I were more clever.

GRANTED! However you become so clever that nothing becomes challenging for you. You gain no satisfaction from any accomplishment, and in the end die unsatisfied.

I wish I had a Gatling gun that was light, had no recoil, but was just a powerful as a normal Gatling gun.

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