So I get a call here sunday morning, my phone IDs it as one of our air jocks. She's always the first to complain about everything, is always in a huge hellacious rush because this isn't her "real" job and she tries to swoop in before/after work to do her work here, or during her lunch break, and she's an uberbreeder with like 3 kids born in the last 3 years.
I groan, because I know what's coming.
Sure enough, she's left the production work I assigned her thursday til the last minute. Technically past the last minute, because the commercial she's producing was supposed to start airing today. I leave that alone, though, because I've fought that fight before and lost because for some reason, upper management thinks she's the greatest air talent since wolfman jack (I looked at the ratings, they're good, but not the best, during her shift), so basically she's undisciplinable.
She only talks to me when there's a computer problem.
At first, it sounds like a simple matter - she's cutting a spot that involves giving away Tim McGraw tickets, so she wants to use Tim McGraw music, which we have on hand. But she can't remember how to pull that audio back out of our digital automation into a form useful in Adobe Audition. So I cross my fingers and start walking her through it.
"Do you remember how to get to the Audio Finder?"
"No." (child yammering in background "Emory, stop that. No, I don't remember."
"Ok, first of all, open up chrome."
"Where's chrome?"
(You've gotta be kidding me...) "There should be a 3-color wheel icon on the desktop that says "Chrome."
"I don't see it. Emory, stop touching the keyboard!" (more toddler yammering) "I don't see chrome!"
"Look for a blue dot with red, yellow and green swirls around it."
"Oh there it is. Ok."
"Now when that opens, click the shortcut button for "Audio finder."
I walk her through logging in with her username and password.
"Now, where it says "Search music, type in McGraw."
(Toddler yelling drowns out response)
"Say again?"
(Toddler banging on something) "...ing happened."
"Did you type in just his last name, McGraw?"
(archly) "Yes."
"Ok, now click the "search audio" button."
"Ah, there it is, I see it now."
(Fighting urge to headdesk)
"Ok, do you see the song in that list you want to use?"
"Yes."
"Ok, do you see the grey arrow at the end of the line that song is on? Click that."
"Ok, I clicked it."
"... did anything happen?"
"It's playing the song."
(Thanks for telling me it worked, lady.) "Ok, close that window, then find the EXPORT shortcut on the desktop."
(Toddler yammering drowns me out)
"Emory stop that! What?"
"Look on the desktop for a shortcut folder called EXPORT and double click it."
"I don't see it."
(/headdesk.)
"Tell me what icons you see on the desktop."
"Computer, recycle bin, audition, chrome..." ten icons later.. "shortcut to export..."
"There! That one. double click that one."
"Ok, it opened up."
"Look for a WAV file whose filename is the cart number of the song you wanted."
"Emory bring that back, mommy needs that! Give it here! Emory, you're going to get a spanking if you keep this up. Ugh! Ok... are these files in any kind of order?"
"... they should be in numerical order, given that they are all numbers."
(A few more seconds of toddler yammering)
"Ok, I found it."
"Alright, just drag that into your adobe audition session, and it will go right in."
"You mean, like, pull it into my multitrack?"
"Yes."
"Sweet! Thanks!"
"No problem."
I hang up.
Ten minutes later she calls again.
"It won't record! The needles don't move, the (drowned out by more diaphragm-launched toddler babble) or anything."
"Alright, that happens sometimes, the sound card got locked up, the machine just needs to be rebooted and then it will work."
"Ugh! Fiiiiiiiiiiine. Will all my stuff still be there after?"
"Yes, just save your session and then go to the start menu..."
"So I ALT, CTRL, DELETE..."
"What? No, don't do that!" (Who the hell taught her to reboot a windows system by ctrl alt delete? She could shut it down from there, but she's the sort of person who would just keep hammering CTRL-ALT-DEL and flailingly smashing buttons until the screen went black)
Sulkily: "Well, what do YOU want me to do?"
"Just click the start button, then the arrow next to the words shut down."
"Oh, and click restart?"
"Yes."
"Ok, it's restarting."
"Call me if you have any more problems."
It's not quite noon, is that too early to start drinking?
