GasBandit
Staff member
But... the neon isn't a hatchback.
My family is having a big birthday party for my mother in a few weeks. My VERY religious aunt will likely be there. She's done things like picket outside abortion clinics, and sent a homophobic letter to my cousin who was getting married to her partner. Years ago, when I'd moved in with a girlfriend at the time, she called me to "congratulate me." In fact, she called specifically to ask "Soooo...now that you've moved in? What's the next step?" and said she didn't think it was right that we were living together but not under the "right eyes of authority." (in other words, God's authority, as in marriage).
I dread seeing her.
On the one hand, I'm half-tempted to get and wear a blatant pro-pride shirt just to screw with her. Maybe even finally use this as an excuse to order Steph Sterling's "The Gays Can Do Whatever They Want" t-shirt.
On the other hand, that feels like creating unnecessary drama when it's my mother's day. I'm already going over ways in my head on how to deal with this aunt on the day.
I dread seeing her.
On the one hand, I'm half-tempted to get and wear a blatant pro-pride shirt just to screw with her. Maybe even finally use this as an excuse to order Steph Sterling's "The Gays Can Do Whatever They Want" t-shirt.
On the other hand, that feels like creating unnecessary drama when it's my mother's day. I'm already going over ways in my head on how to deal with this aunt on the day.
When it comes to family drama, a mindset I've adopted in the past few years has really helped me to deal with situations like this. That mindset is "Don't be a part of the problem... Be the whole problem." Or alternatively, "I'm not stuck here with you, you're stuck here with me."
It's been incredibly liberating, and best part is the problematic parts of my family I used to dread seeing now avoid me instead!
And I've gone pretty much the other way. Most of this sort of people...I very, very rarely see. In fact, some of the family members that were at my wedding, I can't really think of when the next time I'll see them is. Maybe the funeral of my father-in-law? Or my parents-in-law's 50th wedding anniversary? I can absolutely imagine never seeing these people again. Why create/go looking for drama? I ignored them, they ignored me, all was well. In so far as they spoke to me, I just said "I'd rather not discuss such political issues where we both know we have different opinions, let's not ruin the day for [bride]".
In my experience most people will usually acquiesce after one or two repetitions.
Would causing drama bring you joy? Or stress and frustration? You're not going to change anyone's mind, and you know that full well, I guess. Be a good and open example to any kids there, ignore old bigots as much as possible, when they try to engage, just don't. And yes, obviously that's a position born from privilege and whatever, and I'm not saying "don't stand up for someone if troubles arise". But starting the drama yourself just doesn't help anyone - probably least of all your mum who you're supposed to try and make happy on a day like that.
In my experience most people will usually acquiesce after one or two repetitions.
Would causing drama bring you joy? Or stress and frustration? You're not going to change anyone's mind, and you know that full well, I guess. Be a good and open example to any kids there, ignore old bigots as much as possible, when they try to engage, just don't. And yes, obviously that's a position born from privilege and whatever, and I'm not saying "don't stand up for someone if troubles arise". But starting the drama yourself just doesn't help anyone - probably least of all your mum who you're supposed to try and make happy on a day like that.
Yeah, that's the thing. It's my mom's day and I don't want to create more drama over this. Mom can't stand my aunt most times and hates the things that she's done in the past.
Honestly, I can't even remember the last time I saw this aunt. Maybe 10 years? I'm friends with her son/my cousin on Facebook, but we don't really talk. I'm sure he sees some of the pro-LGBTQ or pro-choice opinions and news on my feed. I honestly don't know where he stands on those opinions, but he still lives with his mother (he also has a history of seizures and other health problems, so it's harder for him to support himself).
Oh, another fun tidbit: she's also an anti-vaxxer. To the point that she wasn't allowed to go to the hospital when her own son was sick a year or two ago because she wasn't vaccinated and refused even wear a mask.
Honestly, I can't even remember the last time I saw this aunt. Maybe 10 years? I'm friends with her son/my cousin on Facebook, but we don't really talk. I'm sure he sees some of the pro-LGBTQ or pro-choice opinions and news on my feed. I honestly don't know where he stands on those opinions, but he still lives with his mother (he also has a history of seizures and other health problems, so it's harder for him to support himself).
Oh, another fun tidbit: she's also an anti-vaxxer. To the point that she wasn't allowed to go to the hospital when her own son was sick a year or two ago because she wasn't vaccinated and refused even wear a mask.
My mom's a troublemaker. If I were in that situation, I'd already be conspiring with her to cause the maximum annoyance to the offending family member, and we'd both be cackling about the potential apoplexy about to be unleashed.
not in the way of advice for Nick's issue, for me, its just silence, I no longer interact, and it seems to be the best solution for me. The less I talk the better off I am. It of course also means I am now persona non grata for almost all events, but that's what I get for saying nothing but what absolutely has to be said.
If anything, I believe the time you have spent in the call center has already primed you for how to act. Be professional, but be curt, redirect the conversation to the subject at hand, and just choose not to chase any attempts to derail from that subject.
—Patrick
Do we owe our family members?
If they aren't the kind of person I would ever hang out with them why should I bother with them?
Is this wrong? I feel bad about it sometimes but I feel worse being around them, even when they show up on facetime at someone else's house.
If they aren't the kind of person I would ever hang out with them why should I bother with them?
Is this wrong? I feel bad about it sometimes but I feel worse being around them, even when they show up on facetime at someone else's house.
Not for the sake of that specific person but perhaps for the sake of the shared ties you have with that person. Otherwise, I tend to agree.
I actually feel that way about my brother. My mother is constantly telling me "blood is thicker than water" and I'm always telling her "Why do I have to try to be friends with an asshole just because you were horny once? What does that have to do with me?"
Just tell her the actual meaning of that saying is opposite what she thinks.
Not particularly. But just like going to a party hosted by a friend, you kind of owe it to the host or the one throwing the party or whatever to try and be civil/not cause drama unnecessarily. I've been to weddings of friends where there were other friends of theirs I absolutely loathe. Obviously not quite the same as an aunt at a family thing, but just the same;..Ignore, avoid, handle professionally, don't get sucked in.
I don't feel there's any need or obligation to seek someone out you don't enjoy spending time with.
Of course, all that goes somewhat out of the window if the other is actively aggressive/hurtful. Even so I personally wouldn't *start* shit at any given time, but nobody can expect a Jew to be polite to a Nazi at a party in 1947, nor a disowned person to be affectionate or anything towards the person who disowned them, or someone who actively advocates against someone('s identity/right to exist/etc)
GasBandit
Staff member
Specifically, the entire quote is "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb."
Actually, this is likely not true (see end of wiki article and stack exchange dialogue) - though the "reversal" is more interesting/snazzy, perhaps to fit a modern shift away from blood family ties and towards the importance of friends/found family, the original (biological family) meaning has a much longer history of use.
I subscribe to the "mutual understanding" theory of communication, and know what she meant, rather than get pedantic on the origin of the phrase anyway 
I feel that, depending on their size (adult saltwater crocs for instance), harassing crocodiles is a problem that will solve itself.
Since I’m a teacher I have the summer off. For the last two months I have dutifully driven my daughter from camp to activity to whatever social activity with her friends. I have cooked all dinners on weekdays while my wife works. I have completed an huge number of tasks on our to-do list around the house. I had a water heater replaced, new faucets installed, landscaping in the backyard, cleaned and organized our garage, etc.
Weeks ago I asked my daughter to help me get my classroom decorated on Monday. She agreed. This morning she tells me that her friend asked her to go to the local mall on Monday, and she already said yes. Then she actually got mad at me for reminding her that she had agreed to help me. My wife intervened, saying she would come help instead just to make sure that my daughter doesn’t miss one day of her carefree summer that’s already been filled with a ton of fun activities.
Fine. Let’s teach her that responsibility doesn’t matter. Cool.
But the best part? Once I told my wife the things my daughter already agreed to help with (hanging lights, numbering desks, etc.), she decided that she didn’t want to. So now I have no one helping me get my class together, a.k.a. the only thing I asked them to do for me this summer while I toiled away.
Weeks ago I asked my daughter to help me get my classroom decorated on Monday. She agreed. This morning she tells me that her friend asked her to go to the local mall on Monday, and she already said yes. Then she actually got mad at me for reminding her that she had agreed to help me. My wife intervened, saying she would come help instead just to make sure that my daughter doesn’t miss one day of her carefree summer that’s already been filled with a ton of fun activities.
Fine. Let’s teach her that responsibility doesn’t matter. Cool.
But the best part? Once I told my wife the things my daughter already agreed to help with (hanging lights, numbering desks, etc.), she decided that she didn’t want to. So now I have no one helping me get my class together, a.k.a. the only thing I asked them to do for me this summer while I toiled away.
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You’re a better man than me for not immediately telling your wife to go fuck herself.
To be fair to her, she made it clear that she really didn’t want to, but would still come help if I really wanted her to. So I just let her off the hook, because I don’t feel like dragging her there and having her half-heartedly help (knowing the whole time she was miserable about it).
Dave
Staff member
My aunt has passed. For a lot of reasons the timing was right. Her son is visiting the states from Germany, had she hung on a few more days they’d have moved her to a new - and more expensive - place. A few other things. I really feel sorry for one of her grandchildren. She turns 16 today and is having a pool party with her friends. She worried yesterday about canceling and we told her to keep it on.
I’m completely fine, by the way. I’ve said my goodbyes and got to see her while she was lucid.
I’m completely fine, by the way. I’ve said my goodbyes and got to see her while she was lucid.
The healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in ended last night. We were together a few months, but we’ve known each other for a year. We met via OKcupid. It was a couple of dates last summer that became a friendship that evolved naturally into a relationship. Our communication was stellar. Our feelings were genuine. And on the TMI spectrum the sex was amazing
We were just a couple of 43 year old single-parents who knew what we were looking for in a partner and it just worked in a way I’ve never experienced before. I told her everything about my past, my legal trouble years ago and my continued problems with my ex, and she saw through all the BS and just saw the true me.
For the last week I had noticed she had begun to be distant. I communicated this midway through and she assured me she was just overwhelmed with school starting for her kid. Last night though my concerns were warranted when she let me know that she hasn’t been feeling herself and that she feels like she has been protecting others and not focusing on herself. She was crying and despite feeling like I could too I just listened and accepted it.
I feel like I should be more emotional about it. Part of it is probably just how I learned to reign in my emotions while being traumatized by my marriage. I accept that Caroline is one of the best people to come into my life, that I love her, and that I was very happy being with her and didn’t want it to end. But I also accept that that its not what she needs right now.
Will we get back together? I hope so but it’s not my say. Right now she doesn't feel like she can even speak to me without it hurting so even returning to just friends is on hold at this time.
it’s odd that the moment of permanence for me was when I received bank notification that she had paid me back for the Les Mis ticket I bought to join her at a performance next week.
My mind is awash with emotions. But I am OK.
We were just a couple of 43 year old single-parents who knew what we were looking for in a partner and it just worked in a way I’ve never experienced before. I told her everything about my past, my legal trouble years ago and my continued problems with my ex, and she saw through all the BS and just saw the true me.
For the last week I had noticed she had begun to be distant. I communicated this midway through and she assured me she was just overwhelmed with school starting for her kid. Last night though my concerns were warranted when she let me know that she hasn’t been feeling herself and that she feels like she has been protecting others and not focusing on herself. She was crying and despite feeling like I could too I just listened and accepted it.
I feel like I should be more emotional about it. Part of it is probably just how I learned to reign in my emotions while being traumatized by my marriage. I accept that Caroline is one of the best people to come into my life, that I love her, and that I was very happy being with her and didn’t want it to end. But I also accept that that its not what she needs right now.
Will we get back together? I hope so but it’s not my say. Right now she doesn't feel like she can even speak to me without it hurting so even returning to just friends is on hold at this time.
it’s odd that the moment of permanence for me was when I received bank notification that she had paid me back for the Les Mis ticket I bought to join her at a performance next week.
My mind is awash with emotions. But I am OK.
Worked with a purchaser once who was convinced he had bought 80 long tons of coal. A huge dust up occurred trying to find the missing coal.Hey now isn't a ton 2240 pounds?
--Patrick