So, went to see Guardians of the Galaxy again tonight - this time with the girl from work that I mentioned in the whining thread. We were going strictly as friends.
Here's a quick rundown of what happened previously for anyone not up to speed: Single mom, super cute girl with an amazing smile and eyes. She admitted to having a crush on me for a number of weeks. After a recent break-up with her current boyfriend, she decided to just be bold and ask me out. We'd been flirting at work since. Started texting each other, including a long conversation that went late into the night. That's when we discussed our ages: she didn't know I was 36 (thought I was 25 at the most). I didn't know she was only 18. Big wrench thrown into the works, as I've been extremely hesitant to even consider the possibility of dating her. She's literally half my age.
Still, she's been the one bright spot in my life lately and I enjoyed joking and talking with her. So we made plans to see GotG tonight.
I go to pick her up and she comes out wearing this jaw-dropping summer dress. Nothing revealing. Very conservative, really. But she wore it extremely well. We see the movie and all through it, we keep brushing against each others arm and I get little tingles just from the mere touch of her.
After the movie, we kept talking and talking and talking. She invited me to a little park she enjoys going to for the swings. And we talk and talk and talk and....kiss. Yeah. Just kissing, though, I swear. The talking - intermixed with a bit of kissing here and there - becomes a longer conversation for hours, including an hour just sitting in the car outside her house. There was a moment as I was driving her home that I was stopped at an intersection. I was telling her how these days, I just don't even feel anything most of the time. I've felt so broken down and mentally/emotionally destroyed that I just don't feel anything. And she just grabbed me and kissed me, asking me if I felt something there after our lips parted. I truthfully did.
And the whole time - even now - I'm just thinking to myself, "What the hell are you doing?! She's eighteen!" But she's...gahhhhhh! She's seriously amazing. Funny as hell, kind, rambles and blushes when she gets nervous. She's gone through a lot of shit through her life, including a lot of guys taking advantage of her, mistreating her, or abusing her. I think I might be one of the first (or certainly few) genuinely nice guys she's met. Mentally, she's definitely older than 18. She's had to grow up faster than the average 18 year old, much of that due to her son. And if I were honest about myself, I sure as hell don't have the mental age of a 36 year old. Mid-20s, if I'm lucky.
Seriously guys, what the hell am I doing? I've told her flat out that while I'm extremely attracted to her and drawn to her (more than just physical attraction), I'm torn about the whole thing. I don't want EITHER of us getting hurt out of this. I told her that I'm willing to at least try the dating thing and that I want to take things extremely slow.
I just....GAHHHH! This would be so much easier if she were older or if I were younger. Is what I'm doing wrong? I know many of you will say yes and you're right. There's just...there's seriously something about this girl and I don't even know what it is. It's like @
Dave said. I'll meet a girl that's just going to knock me right off my feet and she's doing that in spades.
So why can't I just go with this and try to be happy about it?