It's funny, but I can totally see myself in some of your wife's actions from a couple of years ago,
Shawnacy. (Key word:
some. Oh, and super duper belated "Congratulations on your marriage!" I'm never on here and so, although I said it to Darryl when he told me, I'm not sure if he relayed the information on to you.)
Now, I'm as clingy as hell, but with some decent conversations and good old fashioned, all-out verbal brawls I got to a point where I respected and (perhaps even more importantly) understood that my husband is a writer, and if it wasn't for me, he may have ended up as a hermit on a mountaintop with a dog and a computer, never needing human contact again. Knowing this, it highlighted his inherent need to get at least SOME alone time and how much attention he really was showering me with. He was making a huge exception for me on a daily basis and I was being selfish, demanding I get even more time because I was hugely insecure about myself as a person and as a then-fiancée.
Once the insecurity passed with a bit of personal growth and a less self-centered mindset, I came to grips with just how important it was that we both get alone time and we worked out a pretty good system. Looking back on how I was a couple of years ago, I feel like I was acting embarrassingly silly and if my friends could see me, they would have stepped in right away and called me on it. (My friends are awesome like that.) I do understand that there are big differences between my relationship and yours (seeing as I love vegging out next to Darryl and watching him play video games, especially ones I don't have good enough hand-eye coordination to play myself), but an important part of new marriages/co-habitation relationships involve some painful flushing out of old held fears, insecurities, anxieties, and the most important of all: points of view.
Writing out all of your needs, wants, problems, concerns, and motivations then taking it to an open forum with one another with some base rules set down (such as who will begin speaking, when the other party can ask questions, give comments, how to keep charged language from occurring such as "Don't say 'You do this and it makes me...', instead say 'I feel that you don't understand/listen/respect me when you...'" and so on) in such a manner that you can honestly and lovingly set everything out for you both to see is key. Then, once everything is in the open, begin to work on compromising and healing any revealed hurts.
If she refuses to do so or you feel that won't work out, I suggest you go to couple's counseling and have someone else set down the rules and give you a professional, outsider's point of view to place both of your ways of dealing with one another into perspective. If either you or she has a negative stigma attached to counseling (such as "Only couples on the rocks go to counseling!" or "These aren't big enough issues to PAY someone to help us with") remember that counseling is not just there for when your marriage is falling apart or as a last resort. Counseling is the mature, preventative way to get through your problems by having someone removed from the situation break down everything that is going on logically and without bias to either side, allowing someone mired in those adore-mentioned issues to get a fresh, bird's eye view, away from the emotions and the stress.
After all, taking care of these little problems early on with swift attention prevents small wounds from festering into lost limbs, do you know what I mean? I hope all of that made sense. I know I can ramble and run my mind in circles. ^^; Eh heh heh heh.
Love you, Shawnacy. Take care, ok? (Oh, and you are one swanky steampunk gent. So hawt! Darryl, kindly take note.
)
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You're sweet!
