Rant VIII: The Reckoning
- Thread starter Anonymous
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The last of my Dad's siblings just passed away. I never knew her. She moved to California around the time of WWII. Kind of sad that she was exactly 3 months from reaching 100. This makes my mom the last of her generation in my family.
So back in June I really wanted a dog for my birthday. I got my daughter to help me work on cleaning the house with the promise that we could also get a cat, because she has always wanted a cat. I saw a cat on the shelter website that reminded me of my childhood cat, so we got the cat early, before we really got the house rearranged enough for a dog, but it would be good enough for a cat. Around this time, I finally started realizing how far down the Fox News rabbit hole my parents truly were, to the point that my mom started sending me shitty texts about how wrong I clearly am after listening to Bill fucking Barr !testifying! lying in front of Congress. So I pretty much just fell into a state of grief, my daughter decided now that we had a cat she no longer felt like helping me with the house anymore, the cat decided my husband was his favorite person, my husband said he shouldn't have to help me get things cleaned because I'm an adult and he has to work.
I have a lot of free time, and I should be able to do these things, but between ADHD and being just overwhelmed with depression/grief/mourning while trying to not let my kids see me completely breaking down, I feel like I'm lucky that I'm not just spending all day in bed. I pretty much just spend all day trying to find ways to drown out the noise in my head by doing any inane thing that keeps me from thinking about anything. I really don't like drinking or anything like that because I seriously hate the feeling of being drunk/high/what have you. Cleaning in general just overwhelms me a lot unless I have someone doing it with me to help remind me to stay on one task at a time, and my mind is prone to wander while I'm doing it which I'm trying so hard to avoid.
On top of this, I'm trying to get my son to manage his own time better, which he is failing at badly, even with a visual schedule and an Apple Watch to remind him to stay on track, which is making me feel like a failure too.
I have a lot of free time, and I should be able to do these things, but between ADHD and being just overwhelmed with depression/grief/mourning while trying to not let my kids see me completely breaking down, I feel like I'm lucky that I'm not just spending all day in bed. I pretty much just spend all day trying to find ways to drown out the noise in my head by doing any inane thing that keeps me from thinking about anything. I really don't like drinking or anything like that because I seriously hate the feeling of being drunk/high/what have you. Cleaning in general just overwhelms me a lot unless I have someone doing it with me to help remind me to stay on one task at a time, and my mind is prone to wander while I'm doing it which I'm trying so hard to avoid.
On top of this, I'm trying to get my son to manage his own time better, which he is failing at badly, even with a visual schedule and an Apple Watch to remind him to stay on track, which is making me feel like a failure too.
I feel you on so much of this, although for me, cleaning is my stress-reliever and how I keep the darkness in my head from overwhelming me. (And being on Halforums. I love you all.)
And my husband gives me similar grief about not wanting to clean, although in his case it's me wanting to start projects/throw out things and he hates getting rid of stuff.
We're moving Tuesday and I've had much of the house packed that wasn't day to day necessities for almost a month. But now that we're at the cleaning stage I cannot be fucked.
Also, counting, this is the 19th time I've moved in my life. Most of those were not my own choice but I'm just over it. And the worst is where we're going to now, while relatively long term is still definitely temporary so I know number 20 is coming.
Also, counting, this is the 19th time I've moved in my life. Most of those were not my own choice but I'm just over it. And the worst is where we're going to now, while relatively long term is still definitely temporary so I know number 20 is coming.
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figmentPez
Staff member
I never comment on any brand or other large page because of that. Heck, I barely comment on friend's pages because of the risk of idiots.
I comment on ACLU and 538 posts all the time.
figmentPez
Staff member
You madman.
I can't argue with you there. My favorite moment was trolling a true white supremecist by reminding him we had already had a black president and black generals and Muslim senators. So he might as well move to a white country like Russia.
I think I'm considering deleting or maybe just deactivating my social media accounts. Twitter, Facebook, Instagram. I find I waste ungodly amounts of time on them. And get into useless, unhealthy arguments with strangers in comment sections.
I've heard it's good for your mental health, and given the state of my mental health these days, maybe it might do me some good.
On the other hand, I like communicating and keeping in touch with some people on Twitter and Facebook (I barely use Instagram). I enjoy the memes.
I also like Twitter for at least keeping in small contact with fellow creative people I either admire or might even want to work with some day (like comic artists).
But...I don't know. Half the time, I'm not even engaging with anyone (save for previously mentioned unhealthy arguments). I usually just scroll through, skimming at best. I don't really talk to people. I'm not very social and spend 99% of my time alone, even before Covid-19.
And on the times I want to, say, comment on a CBC News post, either on Twitter or Facebook, I usually get dog piled by loudmouth Conservatives or trolls. Most times, I soon delete the comment rather than deal with that because I'm admitted an oversensitive person.i
I don't know anymore. I'm not in a good place, mentally, and haven't been for a long time, even before the pandemic. I regained the weight I lost a year or two ago. I stopped eating healthy. I stopped exercising. I stopped writing. I waste most of my time playing video games.
I think I'm on the verge of losing my job because I've missed a lot of time by calling in "sick" due to being severely depressed. (I say sick in quotations because I'm not physically sick). And instead I just play games or scroll social media.
But I just don't know anymore about anything. I'm 42 years old and I feel like I've wasted my life. No partner, no kids, living with my parents, and working an incredibly mentally draining call center job that admittedly pays well, but I don't have skills for anything better.
This...turned into talking about more than deleting or pausing my social media. Sorry.
I've heard it's good for your mental health, and given the state of my mental health these days, maybe it might do me some good.
On the other hand, I like communicating and keeping in touch with some people on Twitter and Facebook (I barely use Instagram). I enjoy the memes.
I also like Twitter for at least keeping in small contact with fellow creative people I either admire or might even want to work with some day (like comic artists).
But...I don't know. Half the time, I'm not even engaging with anyone (save for previously mentioned unhealthy arguments). I usually just scroll through, skimming at best. I don't really talk to people. I'm not very social and spend 99% of my time alone, even before Covid-19.
And on the times I want to, say, comment on a CBC News post, either on Twitter or Facebook, I usually get dog piled by loudmouth Conservatives or trolls. Most times, I soon delete the comment rather than deal with that because I'm admitted an oversensitive person.i
I don't know anymore. I'm not in a good place, mentally, and haven't been for a long time, even before the pandemic. I regained the weight I lost a year or two ago. I stopped eating healthy. I stopped exercising. I stopped writing. I waste most of my time playing video games.
I think I'm on the verge of losing my job because I've missed a lot of time by calling in "sick" due to being severely depressed. (I say sick in quotations because I'm not physically sick). And instead I just play games or scroll social media.
But I just don't know anymore about anything. I'm 42 years old and I feel like I've wasted my life. No partner, no kids, living with my parents, and working an incredibly mentally draining call center job that admittedly pays well, but I don't have skills for anything better.
This...turned into talking about more than deleting or pausing my social media. Sorry.
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Oh, I definitely understand THIS frustration all too well.
Dave
Staff member
Did you take Pepto-Bismol yesterday? You're fine. Go home.
Dave
Staff member
We have a new head of IT. He's a micromanaging piece of shit. I'm glad he's not in my direct line because he instituted a "you must track and report ALL of your daily activities and they have to equal 40 hours a week". So you go take a shit? Better have that time accounted for!
Today my computer started locking up after 1 minute of inactivity. Guess what new thing they implemented university-wide today? Oh, and you can't change it to something more non-stupid. They also implemented a new thing where you can't install anything onto your work station. Which I can understand, but now they are going to be getting an email every time I have to update my software packages - which happens a lot.
I guess what I'm saying is, we had record to near record productivity across the board last year. Guess we can't have that and have to find some way to fuck it up!
Today my computer started locking up after 1 minute of inactivity. Guess what new thing they implemented university-wide today? Oh, and you can't change it to something more non-stupid. They also implemented a new thing where you can't install anything onto your work station. Which I can understand, but now they are going to be getting an email every time I have to update my software packages - which happens a lot.
I guess what I'm saying is, we had record to near record productivity across the board last year. Guess we can't have that and have to find some way to fuck it up!
I've run into that a few times in my career. When those kinds of guys get hired, I quickly start looking for another job. It's a good way to lose your good employees.
My work did that to our Help Desk and Desktop Support people. So they marked every poo and smoke break on their time sheets.
That finally got them to give up on the full 8 hours accounted.
I would put in admin time to fill out the damned time sheets.
I hate timesheets. Hate them!! HATE! However, when I work in an environment with billing, I do them because they’re needed.
We don’t need them now and no one else has to do them, but my equivalent is a micromanager and super nosy to boot and wants to check up on everyone. Even the people who don’t report to him so he fights for it. They’re a waste of everyone’s time unless we’re billing.
We don’t need them now and no one else has to do them, but my equivalent is a micromanager and super nosy to boot and wants to check up on everyone. Even the people who don’t report to him so he fights for it. They’re a waste of everyone’s time unless we’re billing.
to what everyone is saying. I have guys that work the sales floor along with us working professional sales, as the asst department head, I do both. we require an account of time for anyone working the sales floor because "fuck you thats why" I am not making anyone clock their time for a bathroom break/grab a soda/etc unless its obviously possible they are not doing their jobs. We have a couple younger guys that started to have issues with "bathroom stops" that were pretty clearly a "sitting on the can with my phone fucking around" all I told them was, if you got gastro issues get me a letter from your doc proving as much, otherwise clock how long you were in there because I cant write off you missing 45 minutes every day. Otherwise i am in line with everyone else, fuck timesheets.
Dave
Staff member
GasBandit
Staff member
So some useless bureaucrat can justify his position.
Because we can’t be happy with a mere 90% productivity, we have to chase that demonstrably unobtainable 100% perfection mark to justify their continued existence to the people above them.
—Patrick
On a fairly consistent basis, yes.