This girl... a semi illustrated story

Status
Not open for further replies.

Cajungal

Staff member
I have to agree that she's probably moved on. But like LR says, that doesn't have to stop you from laying it all out before you move on. It might make you feel better to know that you were honest. I'm sorry, Sil. I think you're a real sweetheart and a gentleman, but you can't wait around too long to say how you feel. I hope you feel better soon. :hug:
 
I said it before and I said it again, she's a tasty catch. I reread your original post and feel it now more than ever. She's great... she's like... my Sarah Walker from Chuck. What made you think she'd wait around for you to make up your mind and make a move? All you're doing is screwing yourself.

You can't forget about her. You never will. It'll be especially worse if you're not going to at least be honest to her and most importantly, to yourself by telling her how you feel. Will she really be gone? Have you changed the way you acted? Maybe your paranoia is getting her freaked out. You need to quit it. Calm down. Breath. Be honest.

Worst case scenario? She turns you down.

You'll learn.

And you still have those amazing Leia pictures.

:whistling:
 
I've been down this road many times before. I decided to give it up after high school. You really are best just letting girls know. I have an ABYSMAL track record, myself, but I still do what I can to man up and just go make a move. You've got to. Women don't want to wait around. And yeah, honestly, most of the time they'll say no. But you know what? It doesn't hurt as bad as you imagine it will. The stressing over it is a lot worse, so you might aswell.

You might want to say something to her now, but basically, everything Jay has said in this thread has been, to my limited understanding of women and relationships, correct.
 
If you'll pull a move, don't be fancy. Don't ask open questions where you'll not get ideal answers. Try to get her alone with her. It doesn't matter what or where as long as you two are alone. Complement her. Tell her she looks nice. When you greet her (hopefully with a hug or kiss) greet her more warmly, take an extra second and tell her right away she smells nice. Take it from there. Be a little flirty. If needed have a drink or two beforehand to loosen up (but don't go there smelling like booze). Tell her how you feel and how long you've been holding it in.
 
Fortitudinae, my friend. Take stock in all that you've learned, and don't lose heart. Your hour will come, and it will shine forth as a bright light from the heavens on a cloudy day.
 
C

Cobra Star

Put out the "I like you, want to know you as a friend and then more" early. Especially if even slight signs are showing. You got to weigh the pros and cons. If she's interesting, you're not gonna "scare her away" with a straight statement like that. You will however, usually, get an understanding of what's gonna come from her.

Rejection is terrible. Never knowing if there would have been a relationship if you had just spoken up? That you sometimes never get over.
 

Necronic

Staff member
Nothing has ended. One of the best analogies I have ever heard when it comes to chasing women is from 40 year old virgin. You have planted a seed. The seed is there, definitely. The question is how it grows. If you put too much water on it she will smell the stink on you from a mile away, and then the plant will die. Right now it sounds like you just need to leave it alone. Let the seed do its thing, leave it be.

Don't avoid her, but don't over water her either. Like I said earlier the best way to do that is to go join some site like OKCupid or Plentoffish or whatever, and look for other girls. You don't have to date them if you don't want, but trust me on this, simply looking will help you appreciate that there are other things out there, and that will change how you act around her. Maybe not conciously, but it will.

So seriously, go get on one of those sites. Go start looking at other women. I am able to maintain an adequate amount of disinterest in a specific woman because I can always shift my mental focus to others, and I don't end up with all my eggs in one basket. This leaves me with a lot of seeds, all over the place, and when/if the time is right I can go after it.

Fact is you're an attractive clean cut guy, and there are girls out there that would want a piece of you. The problem seems to be that you're suffering from "one-itis" (I know, the people that came up with those terms are morons, but it is a good concept,) and you have to break yourself out of that.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Jay
On the bright side, one-itis is a hell of a lot better than bone-itis.

I don't really have anything to add that hasn't been said, I just wanted to make a joke.
 
C

Chazwozel

Fuck that other guy. Jesus, just make a move on her. If she slaps you silly, at least you'll know. Stop playing coy.
 
C

Chibibar

Fuck that other guy.
That probably won't impress her.

Seriously, though, don't be passive on this. Be honest and stop waiting for her to make a move if you want it that badly.[/QUOTE]

well... If you like the girl enough, then make or break it, but since you are pretty shy and may not do that, that is why I suggest move on and go do something different.

or do what Chaz says... Man up and go!
 
C

Chazwozel

Seriously. And if while trying to explain things to her, your English gets goofy or whatever. Just throw your hands up and say, "aw fuck it all", and swoop in for a big sloppy kiss. That'll tell ya fo' sure. Girls like that romance impulsive shit.


*actually* that might have worked for me because I'm not shy, and turning into a bumbling idiot might have been a turn on. I dunno.
 
It doesn't seem I'll be able to see her until the group dinner on friday. I was so sure I would see her today at class! (and had decided that I would tell her, even if the way or the place weren't particulalry good). Well, keep the advice coming. I'm liking it very much.
 
You don't have to tell any of us anything, SJ. It's your life, your business, we have no right to it. You do what feels right for you.
 
So, it's the super duper master's closing dinner. I can't manage to get us to seat nearly. She sits down besides one of my secret allies. The dinner ends, and as this restaurant's schtic is that it's also like a bar with a dance floor, everybody starts getting up to dance and order drinks.
I don't need to order any drinks, wine has been flowing freely (though not uncontrolably) and I'm ready to talk to her.
I stand up. I'm walking towards her.
My infiltrated ally stops me.
"Abort every plan"
Why? Apparently, during the dinner, she had told her that I was trying to get into a trip she was trying to prepare. (the word she used, in spanish, was "acoplar", wich in this context means "joining without being wanted nor invited")

Man, was I furious. And sad. I gulped down a lot of vodka, and rum, and danced like crazy. I didn't get near her.

When the restaurant closed we went to a pretty cool (gay) club. She didn't join us, though, because she had to go to work the next day. When she was leaving, she told me that "we hadn't spoken that evening". I said I would have liked to, but whatever. She left, together with that ally girl.

I went to the club, had a great partying-because-you-are-so-depressed time and danced with my friends, including a gay friend of mine, (who kissed me on the cheek and said that of course that I could call him if I ever wanted to try having sex with a man, he kissed me twice more, always on the cheek, and I kissed his beard too once: what a weird feeling, kissing beards!)

It was 6 in the morning already when some friend (I don't exactly recall who he was, I was terribly drunk at that time) asked me about this girl and I. I told him what I was told that day by this "ally" of mine.
He insisted I take what she says with a grain of salt, he didn't think she was a reliable transmitter of information.

--- second chapter ---

Those words got stuck in my head for 3 days in wich I was furious and depressed. But it was not possible. She could not have been wrong, or even have changed what the cosplayer girl had told her!

In a facebook thread I have for instant support on this matters (wich includes this "ally girl") I said I saw the "cosplayer girl" as "manipulative and fake".
The ally girl then jumped at my jugular, saying that she told me what she told me to stop me, but that those weren't the "cosplayer girl"'s exact words.
She then proceeded to tell me how "Cosplayer Girl" didn't feel anything for me, and that she told me not to go to the trip because she felt it would be "weird" being alone with me in a hotel, and that if she started getting distant is because she "realised" I liked her and didn't want to hurt me, but if I wanted to call her names and made me feel better, then I could do whatever I wanted.

Chill out, man. I'm not the one who made me be raging 3 days thinking the girl I'm in love with is a manipulative bitch that talks badly about me when I'm not listening...

So, of course, there's nothing I can do. When she comes back from the trip, next week, I'll have coffee with her, to give her back her Terminator Dvd, and then I'll tell her I've been in love with her for some time. When she tells me she isn't, i'll insist I want us to be friends, but that she has to understand it if I keep the distance for some time. And then I'll go home to keep eating (dietetic products) like a pig.

Of course, all this if this last version of the story can be trusted... I'm not saying that my infoltrated friend has done anything on purpose, but even if she acted with her best intentions, now I can't trust her version of what was said (wich doesn't mean not trusting her as a person!)

But I'm pretty depressed right now. At least I kinda scored with my gay mexican friend...
 

North_Ranger

Staff member
*not-gay teddy bear hug*

I feel for you, ystävä... Love can be a wondrous thing, but sometimes that rose hides thorns.

Stay strong, and remember not to look back. You can't change the past, the future is unknowable, so live in today.
 
No, I know you are right. That's what I should have done... I'm in the middle of all this highschool drama because my "dating experience" is that of a non confident highschooler, though. But, as you (and others) have previously said, this situation is already lost and I should try to learn from it. And I'm trying, I swear.
 
If I suspected a person who was attempting to court me had splinter cell agents seeking out information for them, I'd want to be pretty reclusive and distance myself too.

Or I'd blow the person's mind and approach them directly. ;)
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top