[Webcomic] PVP Discussion
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Cajungal
Staff member
Depends on where you are and who your loved ones are. There are people in my circle of family and friends who would have a hard time sharing that part of themselves with their loved ones and maintaining the same relationship. Not many, but some.
I think that it's getting more common with people our age to just roll with it, and thats good. It's just a daily part of life that you are going to meet people whose orientation differs from your own, and it isn't even that big a part of your relationship with that person, really... Unless you're the one having sex with them. But some older people around here, or some of the smaller towns, it can get kind of rough.
I don't think the way to get unaccepting people to accept a person is to gather them into a potentially confrontational display, as if it's something to confess. There's really no good way to go about it and what exactly is expected? Either a PVP "that's it?" or something more negative. You're not going into that situation thinking people will applaud. It just makes no sense to me when people in general tend to dislike being called out in the first place. Makes more sense to live your life and let it dawn on those around you.
And again, this is not just for sexual preference. Lots of people do these kind of announcement things for various aspects of their lives. The only thing you can definitely expect out of it is the attention, so no point in gathering that attention if you don't want it. If the thing being announced is potentially going to upset people, maybe it's better to sit down and talk one-on-one from person to person. The "coming out of the closet" stereotypical family meeting scenario doesn't have a purpose besides a spotlight. Personal communication tends to be received better than declaration.
Two quick stories:
1) A friend of mine was terrified to come out to his parents several years ago (about 5 or 6...ish). So, he wrote them a snail mail letter. His mother wrote him back: she has no son, he's going to hell, never contact them again, etc. Eventually, after a few years, they reconciled, but I know he was obviously heartbroken by that response.
2) One of my cousins married the (same-sex) love of her life last year. My aunt, who is ridiculously religious (and has picketed outside abortion clinics), wrote her a long, horrible, scathing letter about everything that was wrong about what my cousin was doing. Furious, my cousin's father called my aunt and apparently tore her a new one. Just to be clear, my aunt and uncle are of different marriages, so not even of the same direct family. And yet, my cousin is the only one I know of on that side of the family that's come out. I have another cousin on the same side of the family that most of us are sure is gay but has never come out. No surprise, given that her mother has said a lot of horrible things about homosexuals during conversations with her daughter right there in the same room.
1) A friend of mine was terrified to come out to his parents several years ago (about 5 or 6...ish). So, he wrote them a snail mail letter. His mother wrote him back: she has no son, he's going to hell, never contact them again, etc. Eventually, after a few years, they reconciled, but I know he was obviously heartbroken by that response.
2) One of my cousins married the (same-sex) love of her life last year. My aunt, who is ridiculously religious (and has picketed outside abortion clinics), wrote her a long, horrible, scathing letter about everything that was wrong about what my cousin was doing. Furious, my cousin's father called my aunt and apparently tore her a new one. Just to be clear, my aunt and uncle are of different marriages, so not even of the same direct family. And yet, my cousin is the only one I know of on that side of the family that's come out. I have another cousin on the same side of the family that most of us are sure is gay but has never come out. No surprise, given that her mother has said a lot of horrible things about homosexuals during conversations with her daughter right there in the same room.
North_Ranger
Staff member
Just took a look at the Trenches, to see if Gwen was still the hottie I remembered her to be from the olden days.
The shrinkage was about as imminent as swimming in the sea at winter.
Sorry for interrupting the "coming out" discussion. Proceed.
The shrinkage was about as imminent as swimming in the sea at winter.
Sorry for interrupting the "coming out" discussion. Proceed.
My aunt is a lesbian. As far as I can recall, she's never officially outed herself to the family. She just brought a partner to family dinners like everybody else, and nobody cared/cares whether it's a man or a woman.
Well, bad jokes about boobies and having to share them, from my father, aside, nobody cared. My grandmother loved her life partner and treated her like another daughter, my brother's married to a relatively religious and conservative (by European standards) woman and they named the partner of my aunt godmother of their baby girl, because...well, she's the most religious person we have on our side of the family
Obviously coming out can be a big thing, it depends on the people you live with, the society you're based in. If I was gay and living in a small rural town in the south of the US, I can see myself staying in the closet. Where and when and how I live? I don't think anyone'd give a rat's ass about me bringing home a boy, girl, one of each, or whatever. Except having to endure some more jokes about women and boobies and missing out on them or something, from my father. I think I'd tire of those jokes eventually.
Besides, I like boobies way too much
Well, bad jokes about boobies and having to share them, from my father, aside, nobody cared. My grandmother loved her life partner and treated her like another daughter, my brother's married to a relatively religious and conservative (by European standards) woman and they named the partner of my aunt godmother of their baby girl, because...well, she's the most religious person we have on our side of the family
Obviously coming out can be a big thing, it depends on the people you live with, the society you're based in. If I was gay and living in a small rural town in the south of the US, I can see myself staying in the closet. Where and when and how I live? I don't think anyone'd give a rat's ass about me bringing home a boy, girl, one of each, or whatever. Except having to endure some more jokes about women and boobies and missing out on them or something, from my father. I think I'd tire of those jokes eventually.
Besides, I like boobies way too much
The problem is that the people who would have a negative reaction are people it wouldn't dawn on. If they don't like those people they're not going to guess that someone they like is one of them.
Also, they might be hoping for the "So?" reaction. If you're worried about how your family/friends will react, then the kind of reaction Max got in the strip would likely be hugely comforting. Well, except for the "Don't scare us like that!" bit.
I can see the whole gather several friends around to make that announcement. I'd imagine that after the 6th time telling someone that you are coming out, must get a little tiresome.
I agree with Norris. I think that what Max needed was to hear that his friends would care about him no matter what and not look at him differently. I don't see coming out (or making any other potentially life changing announcement) to a group of close friends as being a desire to be in the spotlight. I think it shows that Max needed reassurance and support from his "family" and to share something important with them.
Then why announce it?
....You really can't put together why a person would want to be open with their family and friends about their love life? Maybe get them to stop putting the "when you gonna settle down and make some babies" pressure? Et cetera?
I almost falsely came out to a family member that would not shut up about me being 35 and single at that time...
You can get those questions being straight too.
You're giving reasons to do it, but not reasons that would have positive outcomes. I still haven't heard one reason for doing a "Hey! Listen!" that would have a positive result.
Saying something means less than doing something. Bubble's aunt sounds like she had the right idea, because even if some of his family members felt differently, in general people prefer the easiest route in a social situation, and that often means going with the flow. If being in a same-sex relationship is normal to a person, then all they need to do is treat it as normal. The close-minded relative who musters up the angst to call it out as a problem is the one disturbing the peace at that point.
North_Ranger
Staff member
It is amazing how much importance we place on what people do with their crotches (at least usually) in the privacy of their own homes...
GasBandit
Staff member
You do realize that every single biological imperative experienced by living organisms, humans included, all revolve around what we do with our crotches, right?
North_Ranger
Staff member
In a strictly biological, quasi-Spinozan philosophy, perhaps.
GasBandit
Staff member
There are none so deluded as those who think that just because we can talk and think and organize that our basest, primal instincts aren't the underlying cause for every single thing we do.
North_Ranger
Staff member
Ummm... okay? I think we're slipping from PVP to something more akin for the Political Threads, discussing whether or not were just sock puppets for our genome.
GasBandit
Staff member
You were the one who passive-aggressively suggested that schtoinkin' ain't no big deal.
Now, if you want to say it's nobody else's business, that's something else entirely, with which I concur.
North_Ranger
Staff member
Whoa whoa whoa, easy there, tiger. I only wanted to say I find it curious how much importance people in general place upon what their friends, relatives, acquaintances or hell, even people they know nothing about do with their family jewels. I was not trying to suggest some kind of apathetic dislike for all things sexual. I leave that to Sheldon Cooper.
And yes, I do think that however consenting adults choose to get their rocks off is nobody's business as long as nobody is being hurt or exploited in the process.[DOUBLEPOST=1345761932][/DOUBLEPOST]"Hurt or exploited" therein standing for abuse, or anything involving partner(s) who can't be considered consenting adults: children, animals, dead people etc.
wait, dead people can'.....
North_Ranger
Staff member
Yeah, how about we go back to talking about something else? This is getting way outta hand now...
GasBandit
Staff member
North_Ranger
Staff member
GasBandit
Staff member
Oh, where and how you choose to rub crotches is a defining characteristic of a personage. It reveals a great deal about what kind of person you are. Swap baby batter with one special person for decades or a string of vapid, interchangable barely-people, and it reveals a great deal about you. Your sexual identity is a large part of your complete identity. Some people even choose to make it the foremost part of their identity, to varying degrees of irritation of other people.
"...but you f%!# ONE goat..."[DOUBLEPOST=1345763761][/DOUBLEPOST]
Schtoinking is an excellent word. It's got a little bit of yiddish flavor that makes it funny and not as crass as "boffing" or "banging."Oh hey, I just noticed... Thanks, GasBandit , for using "schtoinking". I've been trying to promote its use
I did that to my parents over Christmas Eve dinner when I was about 25. My mom kept pushing one of their friends at me as potential boyfriend material despite the fact that I was closer in age to his 17 year old son. She kept telling me how wonderful and fun he is to be around for about the 50 billionth time despite me saying I was not interested. So after a few more minutes of this, when I was good and mad, I told her I wasn't interested in him because I was a lesbian.
GasBandit
Staff member
For Francis, "Gaaaay" was simply an expression of disapproval. Anything that displeased him was "Gaaaay" because he defined gay merely as that which displeased him or made him uncomfortable. But being presented with that with which he approves, and being told it is gay, has confused him.
The joke is that people (be they kids or adults) who use the term "gay" as a pejorative are provincial and don't have the familiarity with those who are actually gay that the average person now has in contemporaneous society.
I have (or had, in reality) a teenage cousin who waould say it all the time. The most notable time was when his brother told his fiance that he loved her. The cousin in question declared that to be totally "gay" with no hint of irony.
A good laugh was had by everyone present. I don't think he's used it since!
A good laugh was had by everyone present. I don't think he's used it since!
But, T-Shirt and Jeans is a snappy dresser?
Granted, it is a V-Cut.
Granted, it is a V-Cut.
