Rant V - The Drama Strikes Back

[Adam]

Fucking A. That's what we want to hear. You are handling it like an adult. I hope everything works out and I'm glad she feels the remorse you are showing us she felt.

She also learned a very big lesson on internet security. This guy could have been a very bad character instead of just a pushy nerd.

Move on and change servers.

WoW's cancelled. He's blocked on all forms of chat. She could have been really, really hurt. The first time in Kelowna was one thing, I mean, so drunk she couldn't walk. That's dangerous. At least the second time in Vancouver she was smart enough to be in a public place.

It's really stupid and it could have been a lot worse.

Also, I hate nerds. Where's Chaz with his NERRRRDS graphic?

 

[Math242]

explained like that, it's not that bad. You're right, this can and should be fixed.

good luck

 

[Adam]

I know some of the core issues already.

1. We can't have kids. For a couple who want kids, that's a hard enough issue to deal with. And it's not something we can just fix.



2. We're a couple who's been together going on a decade. We get into a rut that's hard to break.

 

[Chazwozel]

I don't even want to write this - actually, I don't even know if I can.

My wife and I both played WoW for a good long time. While playing WoW there was a guy in North Carolina or something that she ended up playing a lot with because he was a pocket healer for her tank. They chatted back and forth a lot and then after a while, took the conversation to MSN too. He was a younger guy (23) who we will name "Kam" who was having problems with his girlfriend so they chatted about that mostly.

One day I was standing over her shoulder chatting, watching her play, and he sent her a messsage of <3. I half-joking told her "Do I have to kick his ass now or something?" and she gave me the third degree saying that I have to trust her, and she's a grown woman and she's not stupid. I explained to her that this guy is probably an internet nerd who's gonna get sucked in by her and things aren't going to end well.

Fast forward to end of September. My wife has to go out of town for work for a week to a town called Kelowna. She takes her gaming laptop with her for something to do as being cooped up in a hotel room for a week isn't very much fun. While she's preparing for a night out with coworkers, she receives a message from Kam. He's in the same town (Which is on the opposite side of the country from where he lives) and he's never been there. She's hesitant at first but eventually invites him along to go out partying with them. They go out, she drinks a lot, gets a little too friendly.

They go back to her hotel and sleep together.

Fast forward to October when her and her sister go to Vegas. I've already told the story earlier in this thread I believe about how her sister slept with some guy in Vegas. She told me about him and I outright told her 'It's not the cheating I hate, it's the lying. Never do that to me'

This past weekend she was out in Vancouver visiting a college friend. She had been messaging Kam back and forth saying that it wasn't going to happen and he should drop it and she's married and blah blah blah. Amazingly enough, Kam shows up in Vancouver on the Friday. She tells him "No", "I'm not interested", "I want nothing to do with you anymore" and he gets mad and tosses her around a bit, scaring the bejeesus out of her.

Sunday she returned home, obviously upset. I had determined a change in her behavior between Friday and Saturday so I was needling her for what happened when she explained all of the above.

Halforums, I am devastated. I just need a friendly hug or something. Sick to my stomach, completely drained, and now I have to go into work and pretend everythings' hunky-dory.

I'm going to be lining up a counselling session - I need that third party to talk this over but therapy's just as good as you guys, right?

Man-baw.

That's not a man baw. That's a serious problem which you should be upset about. Dude, you said you like meeting up with people. Let's meet up and kick his ass.

 

[Adam]

I'm not suggesting this as a fix, and don't recommend jumping on this right now, but have you two talked about adoption and IVF? I'm assuming so, but still.

IVF didn't work the times we tried, and the last time almost killed her. At this point we've basically given up on that solution.

Adoption is something we're having a hard time getting our head around. I think we may look to surrogacy instead.

---------- Post added at 07:52 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:51 PM ----------

That's not a man baw. That's a serious problem which you should be upset about. Dude, you said you like meeting up with people. Let's meet up and kick his ass.

I've asked for his picture. More than happy to hunt the fucker down.

Apparently he's really nothing to write home about. (not sure if that makes me feel better or worse, hah)

 

[Dave]

By the way....I know this is going to sound really, REALLY terrible and I'm sorry.

Don't have sex with her again unless you are wearing a condom or have had her checked out thoroughly by a doctor.


I'm sorry.

 

[Adam]

By the way....I know this is going to sound really, REALLY terrible and I'm sorry.

Don't have sex with her again unless you are wearing a condom or have had her checked out thoroughly by a doctor.


I'm sorry.

I already asked and she already went to the doctor and was given a clean bill of non-std health.

 

[Dave]

Thank God. Most diseases would have been noticeable by now so you are safe.

So many many things could have gone wrong.

 

[Adam]

Thank God. Most diseases would have been noticeable by now so you are safe.

So many many things could have gone wrong.

I can't impress that on her enough. I mean, depending on your view of things, she was practically raped. That's enough to be wrong.

 

[Dave]

If she doesn't remember anything she could have been drugged. At the very least the guy was a fucking dickhead for getting a girl drunk enough to have his way with her.

 

[Vytamindi]

depending on your view of things, she was practically raped. That's enough to be wrong.

This. I was the most upset about this.

Glad you two are going to make it work!

 

[kaykordeath]

Halforums, I am devastated. I just need a friendly hug

Consider one en-route...

 

[Frank]

I don't even want to write this - actually, I don't even know if I can.

My wife and I both played WoW for a good long time. While playing WoW there was a guy in North Carolina or something that she ended up playing a lot with because he was a pocket healer for her tank. They chatted back and forth a lot and then after a while, took the conversation to MSN too. He was a younger guy (23) who we will name "Kam" who was having problems with his girlfriend so they chatted about that mostly.

One day I was standing over her shoulder chatting, watching her play, and he sent her a messsage of <3. I half-joking told her "Do I have to kick his ass now or something?" and she gave me the third degree saying that I have to trust her, and she's a grown woman and she's not stupid. I explained to her that this guy is probably an internet nerd who's gonna get sucked in by her and things aren't going to end well.

Fast forward to end of September. My wife has to go out of town for work for a week to a town called Kelowna. She takes her gaming laptop with her for something to do as being cooped up in a hotel room for a week isn't very much fun. While she's preparing for a night out with coworkers, she receives a message from Kam. He's in the same town (Which is on the opposite side of the country from where he lives) and he's never been there. She's hesitant at first but eventually invites him along to go out partying with them. They go out, she drinks a lot, gets a little too friendly.

They go back to her hotel and sleep together.

Fast forward to October when her and her sister go to Vegas. I've already told the story earlier in this thread I believe about how her sister slept with some guy in Vegas. She told me about him and I outright told her 'It's not the cheating I hate, it's the lying. Never do that to me'

This past weekend she was out in Vancouver visiting a college friend. She had been messaging Kam back and forth saying that it wasn't going to happen and he should drop it and she's married and blah blah blah. Amazingly enough, Kam shows up in Vancouver on the Friday. She tells him "No", "I'm not interested", "I want nothing to do with you anymore" and he gets mad and tosses her around a bit, scaring the bejeesus out of her.

Sunday she returned home, obviously upset. I had determined a change in her behavior between Friday and Saturday so I was needling her for what happened when she explained all of the above.

Halforums, I am devastated. I just need a friendly hug or something. Sick to my stomach, completely drained, and now I have to go into work and pretend everythings' hunky-dory.

I'm going to be lining up a counselling session - I need that third party to talk this over but therapy's just as good as you guys, right?

Man-baw.

That's not a man baw. That's a serious problem which you should be upset about. Dude, you said you like meeting up with people. Let's meet up and kick his ass.[/QUOTE]

I totally agree.

 

[Adam]

If she doesn't remember anything she could have been drugged. At the very least the guy was a fucking dickhead for getting a girl drunk enough to have his way with her.

As easy as it would be for me to pursue that route, it takes two to tango. We all have our responsibilities in our life and I can't absolve her of this one, no matter how easy it would be for me to do so.

Truth be told, I'm not in my right mind. And I've said as much to her and to the family/friends I've spoken to this about.

Frankie, Chaz and I are gonna do some nerd-hunting though.

 

[Cajungal]

We need a sketch of Frankie, Chaz, and Adam on the back of a truck with clubs and pitchforks, screaming "NEERRRRRRRRRDS!"

Seriously though, Adam, I'm glad y'all are working through it. Y'all sound like a good couple, and I hope you come out of this even stronger.

 

[Rob King]

Frankie, Chaz and I are gonna do some nerd-hunting though.

Can I come too? I could be the indigenous guide. You could even call me 'Kemosabi.'

 

[Charlie Don't Surf]

I doubt you're that serious about it, but please don't do any vigilante justice. He will most likely press charges, and also have you dead to rights.

 

[Bubble181]

A couple of things:
first off, big internet hug for you.
Secondly, no, not all diseases would've been noticeable by now. HIV is impossible to detect for 6 months, and cases have been reported (though not verified) of it taking over a year to show up on tests.
Thirdly, Ame is (obviously) coming from a situation where there was a serious breach of trust and so on - but don't dismiss what she says too easily. The way it's explained makes it sound like something you might be able to work through, and as the guy being a pushy douchebag who needs a bag of cement dropping on his head for karma; how far you're willing to believe her is your problem. Still, most likely there will be trust issues, and Ame's right - don't try to just talk it through and move on. Even if what happened is exactly what she says, it's still a problem. Saying "oh, accidents happen, could've happened to anyone" isn't going to magically restore your trust - and the last thing you want is to go on almost-but-not-quite trusting her for years to come. Professional help may be quite handy to avoid such problems.
Fourthly, I'm happy to hear it apparently isn't as bad as it sounded at first.
Fifth, you need to get out of that rut and start rutting.

 

[North_Ranger]

We need a sketch of Frankie, Chaz, and Adam on the back of a truck with clubs and pitchforks, screaming "NEERRRRRRRRRDS!"

I'll see what can be done... at some point... when I'm feeling a tad less blue.

 

[sixpackshaker]

A co-worker's wife was murdered this weekend. It happened in front of her daughter and grandchildren.

 

[Gusto]

Jesus fucking Christ.

 

[Dave]

Which means his daughter and grandkids, too.

Fuck.

 

[Bubble181]

Yeah, fuck.

 

[Espy]

Wow. That is horrible.

 

[Adam]

A couple of things:
first off, big internet hug for you.
Secondly, no, not all diseases would've been noticeable by now. HIV is impossible to detect for 6 months, and cases have been reported (though not verified) of it taking over a year to show up on tests.
Thirdly, Ame is (obviously) coming from a situation where there was a serious breach of trust and so on - but don't dismiss what she says too easily. The way it's explained makes it sound like something you might be able to work through, and as the guy being a pushy douchebag who needs a bag of cement dropping on his head for karma; how far you're willing to believe her is your problem. Still, most likely there will be trust issues, and Ame's right - don't try to just talk it through and move on. Even if what happened is exactly what she says, it's still a problem. Saying "oh, accidents happen, could've happened to anyone" isn't going to magically restore your trust - and the last thing you want is to go on almost-but-not-quite trusting her for years to come. Professional help may be quite handy to avoid such problems.
Fourthly, I'm happy to hear it apparently isn't as bad as it sounded at first.
Fifth, you need to get out of that rut and start rutting.

There was rutting, heh. Not sure if it was a good idea, but it felt pretty good. Haven't really left bed at all since Sunday. Just talking, crying, explaining, hugging, yelling, you name it.

The past two days have actually been really good for just discovering problems and identifying how something like this could have happened. It's always been difficult to get her to share what's really going on in her head, she's typically used her sister as a sounding board which while annoying to me, I'm relatively at peace with. We all have our venting methods. I asked her what she's going to gain from this experience and it was a long litany of things that made me feel a lot better that we were both on the same page.

I think the biggest one was that Internet people don't always take what you're saying the same way you do - some of them can take it off in directions that can cause problems. I'm a bit of an irredeemable flirt in real life and so I've taken this as an opportunity to stop problems before they get worse. She's always liked the attention of guys (What girl doesn't, right?) and she sees no problems with sending online friends to her facebook or chatting with them on MSN. Now she's going to be a lot more firm and direct about her intentions.

The second thing learned was that even if it's going to upset me, she has to tell me. When Kam showed up in Kelowna, I asked her why she didn't tell me right away. She said that because I'd already given her shit about talking to him off of WoW, that this would have made me really angry. I can't disagree with that, but she also recognizes that by not saying anything, the consequences were worse than just being honest.

We're lining up couples counselling through her work. She's been to counselling before because of the baby stuff, but I think going together would be a good way to progress beyond this.

And after all this, I've run out of questions to ask her.

I'm no longer devastated Halforum. I'm hurt, but I'll survive.

 

[Shakey]

So, this isn't nearly as bad as everyone elses rants.

It's dark when I get home, and within a couple weeks it'll still be dark when I go to work. I'm stuck in a basement with no windows, so there is no staring out the windows and watching the squirrels for me. At least once the snow shows up I'll be able to walk out in the woods without a flashlight. Kinda gets me a bit blue though.

 

[Occasional Poster]

So, this isn't nearly as bad as everyone elses rants.

It's dark when I get home, and within a couple weeks it'll still be dark when I go to work. I'm stuck in a basement with no windows, so there is no staring out the windows and watching the squirrels for me. At least once the snow shows up I'll be able to walk out in the woods without a flashlight. Kinda gets me a bit blue though.

I hear you on that one. We currently have six hours of sunlight a day, though it's usually cloudy this time of the year. About a month left 'til midwinter and our latest snow rained away after a couple of days. The darkness can get to you.

 

[North_Ranger]

Try having winter depression, insomnia, stress and guilt up the wazoo... and then getting side-swiped by someone with real issues.

*sighs*

I need a hug...

 

[Cajungal]

:hug: Sorry, NR.

 

[Null]

Try having winter depression, insomnia, stress and guilt up the wazoo... and then getting side-swiped by someone with real issues.

*sighs*

I need a hug...

Cripes, man, that's rough. Any worse and you might as well be Finnish.

 

[strawman]

All the contractors working on the project I'm working on got their notice that Friday is their last day. Except for me.

Honestly I'd rather just have two months off for a job search and to complete other consulting projects, than uncertainty. It'll all work out, it always does. Still annoying to have an unknown.

Chances are good that they'll drop me at the end of the year so they don't have to pay the early contract cancellation fee.

I feel like a cell phone.

 

[Espy]

My wife starts her internship in January. I won't see much of her for 9 months.

And I need a drummer. Why the hell is it so hard to find a freaking drummer?

 

[sixpackshaker]

My wife starts her internship in January. I won't see much of her for 9 months.

And I need a drummer. Why the hell is it so hard to find a freaking drummer?

According to a guitarist friend of mine, it is because they are all sitting at home playing Rock Band.

 

[Wasabi Poptart]

Try having winter depression, insomnia, stress and guilt up the wazoo... and then getting side-swiped by someone with real issues.

*sighs*

I need a hug...

:hug: I hope things let up soon.

 

[Bubble181]

Damn N_R, have a hug.


As for me, pretty minor rant - having sex 'till your penis starts bleeding may sound like a plan, but it hurts like a bitch. The little bit connecting the tip to the foreskin ripped. Yikes. It'll be OK, I suppose, but man...