It is/was a picture of a Newfoundland dog. I was trying to be funny, but sadly, it's really the only thing I know about Newfoundland.
Rant VIII: The Reckoning
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Man. If I wsa in a better mood I'd do a Newfoundland thread.It is/was a picture of a Newfoundland dog. I was trying to be funny, but sadly, it's really the only thing I know about Newfoundland.
My reaction.
Yet my stepmum just told me she has complaining that I don't visit.
WELL WHY DO YA THINK THAT IS?!
Ah, the drawn-out process of the baby blues. Nothing says return to normal hormone levels like hating on your sister for having the daughter you wanted.
A
Anonymous
Anonymous
Perhaps it is better that we seem to be unable to get pregnant... yeesh! That's some impressive levels of petty right there.
I think it's pretty clear that @LittleSin should've been more aware of her sister's feelings before getting knocked up. OBVIOUSLY, she should have done everything in her power to ensure that her baby's gender was genetically changed before it was born. Or hell, she should go above and beyond her sisterly duty (heh heh, duty) and get her baby's gender changed IMMEDIATELY. Right now.
Cajungal
Staff member
I'm sorry, @LittleSin, and belated congrats to you as well.
It truly angers me when people get bitter and angry over other people having children--especially if they're just getting picky over the sex of the kid. I understand that we can only help our feelings so much, but it just annoys me so bad. Maybe it's because I so don't want children. It's the hardest thing for me to empathize with someone who's a jerk to others because they're pining for someone who doesn't even exist.
...That sounded super harsh. All I mean is that I'm sorry you have to deal with that from family. You shouldn't have to.
It truly angers me when people get bitter and angry over other people having children--especially if they're just getting picky over the sex of the kid. I understand that we can only help our feelings so much, but it just annoys me so bad. Maybe it's because I so don't want children. It's the hardest thing for me to empathize with someone who's a jerk to others because they're pining for someone who doesn't even exist.
...That sounded super harsh. All I mean is that I'm sorry you have to deal with that from family. You shouldn't have to.
You know, several years ago, I stopped holding my tongue and started being totally honest with my extended family, to the point that those I simply don't like know I don't like them. It effectively meant cutting contact with half my family, and I don't regret it at all. For awhile, they attempted to find out why. "Why didn't you invite me to so and so?" 'Because you're a bigot and a drunk and I don't like your company.'
They don't ask anymore.
This past Christmas, despite being my most stressful due to some poor financial situations, was also one of the best Christmases I've had. Because it was held at my house, with only the family I like attending. It was like our own little outcast party, since most of the family I like are disliked by the family I dislike... which works out, I suppose? And this split was caused primarily because of the shitty half of the family I don't like, over whether or not my cousin could bring her wife to the family christmas party. Her own parents tried to guilt her out of it.
The two of them have been together for fifteen goddamn years. Of course she's part of the family, bring her down to the good party, we'll have a great time.
They don't ask anymore.
This past Christmas, despite being my most stressful due to some poor financial situations, was also one of the best Christmases I've had. Because it was held at my house, with only the family I like attending. It was like our own little outcast party, since most of the family I like are disliked by the family I dislike... which works out, I suppose? And this split was caused primarily because of the shitty half of the family I don't like, over whether or not my cousin could bring her wife to the family christmas party. Her own parents tried to guilt her out of it.
The two of them have been together for fifteen goddamn years. Of course she's part of the family, bring her down to the good party, we'll have a great time.
So after fixing my Catalytic Converters on my 4 Runner 8 months ago, my fuel system ended up running extremely rich and melted my right Converter. So I had to have that replaced AS well as fixing the fuel issue. Those two issues alone totaled over $2k. Then 8 days after that, my brake pads finally wore down to the point they were going to start grinding the Rotors. So I had to have the Brakes replaced as well as having the Rotors resurfaced. That cost near $400.
So all together in the past year I've spent nearly $2500-$3000 on a vehicle I purchased for $13000. Bloody ridiculous.
So all together in the past year I've spent nearly $2500-$3000 on a vehicle I purchased for $13000. Bloody ridiculous.
First, this country has national health insurance. It's slow, but almost free. Private healthcare is much more expensive, but it's nothing compared to USA standards.
- The doctor decided I no longer need my gallbladder. The surgery was scheduled to May.
- The pain got worst, so I asked to be transferred to a private clinic. The doctor said yes. (Much better rooms)
- The doctors working for the government were about to go on strike because the government said that if they killed someone by malpractice, it's first degree murder.
- The surgery would cost me about $2500. From out of nowhere I got a job that will give me enough money to pay for the surgery if the doctors situation got worst.
- Thankfully, the strike didn't happen.
- Now I'm waiting for a new date, because the doctor is out of the city. I hope it will be this month. At least I'm not in pain. The diet sucks.
- My brother tells me that I was exposed to chicken pox last week by his daughter. I've never had chicken pox, so the next two weeks are going to be interesting. If I get sick, my surgery probably is going to be delayed.
- I returned to work today after a week off and people in the office gave me a donation because apparently that is something they do. I don't need that money even if I had to pay for my surgery.
His death was something I was completely at peace with. His last few years were a haze of dementia and physical discomfort. I'm happy that it has finally ended for him. I hope he gets to be the giant boisterous man he was in life in whatever comes afterwards and not the wasted away shell his last years had made him. The man who taught me how to garden and how to grease a Mack truck. I miss you already Poppa.
doomdragon6
Staff member
I feel ya from both sides.
When my Great Aunt Marge died, she was ready to go. She'd lived a good, long life and had said, "I'm ready to see my sisters again," which was touching. For me, I don't have that comfort. But for her, she KNEW she was going to better place where all of her loved ones were waiting for her. I was sad she was gone, but I couldn't be sad for her.
As for dementia, my Great Uncle Jay has completely slipped. He never has any idea where he is, who anyone is, and has a hard time doing basic functions. Thing is, for him, he really has no idea anything is wrong. But for my Great Aunt Katherine, she has to watch the person she's spent her entire life with forget her.
That thought alone makes me tear up every single time. I could never handle that.
When my Great Aunt Marge died, she was ready to go. She'd lived a good, long life and had said, "I'm ready to see my sisters again," which was touching. For me, I don't have that comfort. But for her, she KNEW she was going to better place where all of her loved ones were waiting for her. I was sad she was gone, but I couldn't be sad for her.
As for dementia, my Great Uncle Jay has completely slipped. He never has any idea where he is, who anyone is, and has a hard time doing basic functions. Thing is, for him, he really has no idea anything is wrong. But for my Great Aunt Katherine, she has to watch the person she's spent her entire life with forget her.
That thought alone makes me tear up every single time. I could never handle that.
My heart is twisting in a horrible pain for people I love. I want to help...
Welcome to adulthood. With all the unexpected caring comes the permission to drink. They often mesh.
--Patrick
Heh, it's not unexpected caring. And I already might drink too much... Or maybe I just need more...
I saw an interview with Timothy Olyphant on Conan, and he said his New Year's Resolution was to "Drink more, and care less." Maybe I should adopt that.
I just unfriended an old friend on Facebook, basically cutting ties with them. It started because of something she posted about the Flippy Bird game. She was gleeful that was being removed from digital stores. My response? An idiotic comment about how she condones the fact it was removed because the creator had been getting harassed. Turns out that was the last straw for her and rightfully so. Over the years, any posts she would make, I was overly critical of them, sometimes mocking her for liking something like the Transformers movies or 50 Shades of Grey or other nerdy things or correcting her spelling or the spelling of someone commenting on her status.
And she's right. Since going through my English degree, I've grown to have a very critical mind. I can't just look at something like 50 Shades of Grey without thinking how it's a poorly written BDSM fan-fiction that basically promotes rape culture and submissive women. I can't just enjoy something on the surface anymore without seeing subtext or knowing the background of the author and such in any kind of media.
On top of that, all of this made me realize just how mentally broken I am these days. I told her that every day, I feel like I'm getting worse. Worse still, I feel like I'm one mental breakdown away from doing something really bad and becoming a horrible cliched statistic of the lonely, isolated person who grew up on horror movies and violent video games. I got out of the house earlier to go see the Lego Movie and the entire time I basically stomped or walked hard, just wondering if today was the day I finally snapped and hurt someone. The worst part is that there isn't a single day that goes by that I just know that the best thing I could do for everyone is to just end it but I'm too much of a fucking coward to do it myself...so I keep having a small wish in the back of my head that some inattentive driver will do me the favour while I'm crossing the street. I think about this ALL THE FUCKING TIME.
Before you say seek therapy or get help, know that I am. I'm actually seeing two separate counsellors that I see roughly every two weeks but IT'S NOT HELPING. Nothing is helping. I barely leave the house, I can't get a job because there's no fucking jobs around here and I'm not even worth hiring any or too broken to bother trying. And "best" of all, Dad gave me an ultimatum recently: get a job, even a part-time job, to help my folks a little on the financial support they've been providing, or I move back home by March. Given how goddamn negative and emotionally abusive my father is (and my mother to a much lesser extent), I know I know I KNOW that would be the worst thing for me. BUT I DON'T HAVE ANY OTHER CHOICE. There's nothing out there for me. I'm jobless, directionless, lonely as fuck, have nowhere to go and nothing to do, and find myself just becoming more and more angry as time passes.
I don't know what to do anymore. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I feel so broken. I think I've been broken much longer than just a couple of years, like since dropping out of the teaching program. I think I've been broken for so much longer and I don't know anything else or don't know what to do about it anymore.
And she's right. Since going through my English degree, I've grown to have a very critical mind. I can't just look at something like 50 Shades of Grey without thinking how it's a poorly written BDSM fan-fiction that basically promotes rape culture and submissive women. I can't just enjoy something on the surface anymore without seeing subtext or knowing the background of the author and such in any kind of media.
On top of that, all of this made me realize just how mentally broken I am these days. I told her that every day, I feel like I'm getting worse. Worse still, I feel like I'm one mental breakdown away from doing something really bad and becoming a horrible cliched statistic of the lonely, isolated person who grew up on horror movies and violent video games. I got out of the house earlier to go see the Lego Movie and the entire time I basically stomped or walked hard, just wondering if today was the day I finally snapped and hurt someone. The worst part is that there isn't a single day that goes by that I just know that the best thing I could do for everyone is to just end it but I'm too much of a fucking coward to do it myself...so I keep having a small wish in the back of my head that some inattentive driver will do me the favour while I'm crossing the street. I think about this ALL THE FUCKING TIME.
Before you say seek therapy or get help, know that I am. I'm actually seeing two separate counsellors that I see roughly every two weeks but IT'S NOT HELPING. Nothing is helping. I barely leave the house, I can't get a job because there's no fucking jobs around here and I'm not even worth hiring any or too broken to bother trying. And "best" of all, Dad gave me an ultimatum recently: get a job, even a part-time job, to help my folks a little on the financial support they've been providing, or I move back home by March. Given how goddamn negative and emotionally abusive my father is (and my mother to a much lesser extent), I know I know I KNOW that would be the worst thing for me. BUT I DON'T HAVE ANY OTHER CHOICE. There's nothing out there for me. I'm jobless, directionless, lonely as fuck, have nowhere to go and nothing to do, and find myself just becoming more and more angry as time passes.
I don't know what to do anymore. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I feel so broken. I think I've been broken much longer than just a couple of years, like since dropping out of the teaching program. I think I've been broken for so much longer and I don't know anything else or don't know what to do about it anymore.
I'm not sure, I'm not searching this huge board either, but why did you quit teaching entirely? I know that you had issues with what we would call elementary grade-level, but why not move up to the secondary level? I know from personal experience (former teacher) that men tend to do better in secondary grades because we're not, well... wiping the snot off of kids faces. (I am not saying elementary is baby-sitting or down-grading it, my wife was a teacher, I know lots of teachers, I respect them all and tried to make life easier for them as my daughter passes through their realms by NOT being one of THOSE parents.) As men, we tend to be more toward, "Here's your assignment, get to it. Ask for help if needed, but don't expect me to do it for you." type people. Was secondary a thought? Would it possibly be something you could work back toward? Having a failure, because you TRIED, is not something to let it dominate you. We've all had failures in life, some are more open about it (as an example Dave) others don't talk about it much (Me, because I internalize much of my stuff to try to work out a way to do it), but we've all had setbacks. Nobody here has succeeded at everything they've tried, and if they say they have they are lying.
I do think that you can do what you set your mind to, not much is out of reach, for anyone. The key is to learn from those failures (look at Thomas Edison) and make changes to try it a different way and create success.
I do think that you can do what you set your mind to, not much is out of reach, for anyone. The key is to learn from those failures (look at Thomas Edison) and make changes to try it a different way and create success.
Because I wasn't mentally prepared to juggle 50 things at once, as a teacher of any level must do. I'm too much of a Type-A personality that can only focus on one thing at a time (which is why I also get stressed, upset, and emotional during finals time in university). I just clearly don't have what it takes to be a teacher.
Unfortunately, that was the plan for at least a decade while I tried getting my useless 4-year degree that took me 15 years (off and on) to get. I was told by so many people that I'd make a great teacher, that I'm great with kids, that I'll have less trouble finding a teaching gig because I was a male looking to work at the elementary level. But now I've hit this huge brick wall because I don't have anything to strive for. I don't have anything I'm even remotely interested in bothering to even try. I don't have any dreams or some kind of dream, ideal job. I'm also not educated or experienced enough in anything other than stupid, fucking customer service jobs and I'm tired of working those. I'm tired of working jobs where there's this constant pressure to sell useless shit to people and keep my selling stats up.
Couldn't you be one of those irresponsible kinds of teachers, the one who's always behind the schedule, can't get grades in on time, is late to class, assigns out books to read but never gets around to teaching or testing about them?
You know, like one of my drama professors.
Did you go into teaching because it is something you wanted to do or because other people said it was a good career for you?