Something something powerless worthless. I've done it to myself again. But I guess I know where I stand in the pecking order. No matter how hard I try, I keep fucking myself over. That's why I'm still virtually homeless and making minimum wage at 50. And I can't see any escape.
And when the boss man himself says I'm part of the problem, maybe it really is time to just... go?
(ETA: just to be clear. I'm talking about here. Real or imagined, I get the feeling that I may not really be welcome here anymore.)
DA, I just went off on you a bit, and I'm sorry; I'm not in a very good place myself right now, either. That said, I
don't want you to go, really. But lately, I think there's a been a bit of a rash of people here going off on one another, being overly aggressvie and needlessly antagonistic. And I'll gladly admit i'm also part of the problem.
What makes/made this place great is that so many different ideas and opinions can co-exist. Stienman can live happily next to Sera, Invader and GasBandit can argue all night long, Grue and i can make stupid/silly/hilarious jokes at one another, some crazy artists make some stuff we all love, etc etc. Over the past months - and this has been going on since at least a while before Stienman left - there's been too much sensitivity. The world as it is, sucks, and this is getting into a LOT of people's heads. You, blotsfan and Null are clear examples of people who I know really mean well, but have started to come off as incredibly quick to be agitated/aggressed, and turn aggressive. Being open and accepting is hard, and it's only getting harder by the day. Fuck, I can't manage anymore. But by being inaccessible and irritable and quick to take offense, you become what you most hate - the guy not willing to accept people who are different, the person who makes others feel unwelcome for the way they are. I sometimes get shit on too - though mostly not in public, but I personally prefer saying things like this in public because I've been too often burned - and it's hard, and I've taken a step back a few times.
Some people here are less socially able than others. Some here have harder psychological or emotional issues than others. Some face very specific conditions. I tihnk half this board is depressed, and the other half...Well, what the heck are you guys doing hanging around here? Anyway - it can be very hard to be mindful and aware of other people's issues, and doubly so when you come here to vent or work off some steam. I know I've said exactly the wrong thing at exactly the wrong time a few times.
Your life is hard right now, and has been for quite a while. Between work, your home, your mother, etc you've had to face a lot. I commiserate and, while I don't know everything about you and I can't relate with you on everything, I do understand what *sort* of thing it is you're going through, and what kind of uphill battle it can most certainly be. Neither lashing out, nor cutting ties and going off to feel miserable and alone even more isolated, will help you in any way. For one thing - you have way more than enough on your plate in your own life, and while I understand this sounds impossible, I think you should try and care less about a whole lot of the crap going on in the world that, honestly, you're never going to be able to change. Trump's a dick, half of American politics seems retrograde, we're sailing straight towards a second Cold War but this time with three parties and the USA in the weakest position - all true, and it's all weighing on you, heavily...And while I'm all in favor of people in general being more aware of such things, maybe your bucket is already too full and it's ok to let some drops fall elsewhere.
I dunno man, maybe I'm just projecting? I don't know everything, either. Maybe i should've just shut up, too. It's perfectly possible, I dunno. But please, do accept that I, for one, while I may have bene somewhat hostile towards you, really don't want to see you go.